Barbara Missionhan
A musical safety video director for Delta in the 90s who now directs Ikea furniture setup videos and values being 'selfish'.
Highlight Bits & Quotes
12The Marc Maron Rivalry and Air Flugen
Critch reveals her deep-seated hatred for Marc Maron, whose podcast distracts passengers from her safety videos. The group discusses Air Flugen, an airline for people with no destination and a high romantic match rate.
"These flight attendants were booking out and were leaving for an audition."
"Marc Maron is my enemy. Marc Maron is the devil."
"Marc Maron is the devil because he creates a podcast that is so interesting."
"It is the number one airline for people who don't have anywhere to be."
Roundtable Roll-Call: Meet the Directors
The panel introduces themselves, including a musical safety video director, a former flight attendant turned director, a 'Scared Straight' horror-style director, and a prestigious art house director.
"I did a musical safety flight instruction video for Delta back in the 90s."
"We basically shot a horror movie as a flight safety video and it was frightening."
"I'm actually a very prestigious Art House director."
The Hour-Long Safety Epic
Critch DuBois explains her unique style of safety videos that last an hour, effectively doubling the flight time for short trips like LA to Las Vegas to ensure 'thorough' rule explanation.
"Most flight safety videos are about 30 seconds to 45 seconds long. Mine are about an hour."
"If you're flying LA to Vegas you add an hour."
Favorite Safety Rules and the Mystery Box
The directors discuss their favorite safety protocols, ranging from the 'selfish' oxygen mask rule to the 'mystery box' allure of the life jacket under the seat.
"My favorite part is the life jacket under the seat. I find it's almost a mystery box."
"It is Serve Yourself first then other second and that resonates with you Barbara because you're selfish."
The Burger King Training Song and YouTube Residuals
Donald Keene discusses his shoestring budgets and his quest to find a YouTube uploader who owes him money. He performs a 'poppy' training song he wrote for Burger King in 1998.
"I'm gonna find the person who has that phone number because I need to because they owe me money."
"You gotta get the bun you gotta put it on the counter and get the meat."
Safety Video Philosophy and the Gilmore Girls Connection
Barbara discusses the rigid dialogue requirements of safety videos compared to her time directing Gilmore Girls. Critch questions if passengers are truly 'living' or just 'alive' once they put on a safety vest.
"I directed one episode of Gilmore Girls and that was the highlight of my career."
"Now you have the safety vest on. Does that mean you're living or are you just alive?"
Asher's Intimidating AD and the Genre of Safety
Asher explains how he commands respect on set using a megaphone and an AD named Bulldog. Critch argues that different safety instructions belong to different film genres, like horror or rom-com.
"I have a very very big intimidating A.D. His name is Bulldog and he runs set."
"Water landing, we're all probably going to die. That is a horror film."
Fuckies Bar and the Pubic Hair Talent
Donald Keene reveals he runs a carpeted bar called 'Fuckies' in North Hollywood. He claims a supernatural ability to identify anyone by their pubic hair, specifically citing a find from Zsa Zsa Gabor's carpet.
"I run this little bar in NoHo. It's called Fuckies."
"I can spot a pubic hair on any person. Show me pubic hair, I can tell you who it is."
Donald Keene's 20-Minute Voice Reserve
Donald Keene reveals he is losing his voice because he only has a 20-minute daily reserve, which he uses to whisper directions into a bulldog's ear for The Strokes.
"I only have 20 minutes of voice"
"I whisper in Bulldog's ear and he gets it done"
Barbara Missionhan's Boat Safety Flight Video
Barbara explains her new project: a flight safety video that plays exclusively on boats, starring boat-model-actress Gwyneth Paltrow.
"I am working on a flight safety video for a boat"
"I love her as a boat model actress"
Asher Star's Sharpie Airlines Swan Song
Asher announces he is leaving the industry after directing a safety video for Sharpie Airlines, where they draw new faces on passengers using markers.
"Sharpie is starting an airline"
"We erase their face and we draw another face on top of them"
Introduction to Flight Safety Video Directors
The hosts introduce the episode's theme: the creative minds behind the innovative and sometimes stressful world of airline safety instruction videos.
"Airplanes are the most stressful place in the world and you have to know what's going on when something goes down."