Betsy Lincoln
A commercial actress repped by GPDDDNPI who is always on a 'veil' for Fiji.
Highlight Bits & Quotes
18Emily Bigbog's Nepotism Nightmare
Emily reveals her father is a casting director at Bigbog Casting, yet she still fails to book roles, leading to a disastrous audition clip where multiple people on Zoom claim to be her dad.
"My dad is a casting director and I still don't book."
"Cedric, why are there two of you?"
"No, Timothy, I'm her dad."
The Button Queen and Poop and Tint
Clarissa demonstrates her 'button' technique for commercials. The group then discusses a prestigious agency called 'Poop and Tint' that everyone pretends to know.
"You have a button, end with a button."
"Do you think they know I made up poop?"
"I had like a hip pocketing thing going on with Sam from Poop and Tint."
Binky Bing: The 18-Month-Old Director
The panel discusses the legendary commercial director Binky Bing, who is an 18-month-old baby that is easily frightened by loud noises and big facial expressions.
"He is an 18-month old baby and he is genius at what he does."
"Binky Bing is scared of anything aggressive, angry, sad."
"Always walk in the room with your car keys because he immediately goes like, 'Well, who's this now?'"
The Reno Stand-Up Scene and Party Popper Comedy
Eagan discusses his stand-up class in Reno taught by a banned comic, while Clarissa and Betsy debate the necessity of spending thousands on acting classes and 'the gym.'
"They shot a party popper into someone's face."
"Boundaries. Find them and obliterate them."
"You should always be spending, I would say, $2,500 a month on acting classes."
Commercial Mentors: Mr. Six and Jack in the Box
The group shares their legendary commercial mentors, including the 'Can you hear me now' guy, Mr. Six from Six Flags (revealed to be a young woman), and a man yelling in the street claiming to be Jack in the Box.
"My mentor is the crazy frog Six Flags old man."
"I'm the guy in the Jack in the Box."
"Always pay when you are meeting with mentor. Always pay."
Waiting Room Gabbers vs. Phoners
Gregory asks the panel if they are 'gabbers' or 'phoners' in the audition waiting room. Eagan admits to asking every single person about their parking and commute to build a social club atmosphere.
"Are you guys a gabber or a phoner?"
"I like to hear how long it took everyone to get there."
"It's almost like a social club."
Late Night Show Practice: Disparaging Wardrobe Women
The actors practice their 'Late Night' personas. Betsy uses her segment to complain about the wardrobe department on a Cheetos commercial, while Clarissa tells a story about a Thai chair company called Syntharda.
"The wardrobe department were the worst group of women I've ever had."
"This chair is nice."
"She constantly knocks women."
The Horror of Casting Assistants and Big Hats
Gregory recounts a traumatic Hershey's audition where a casting assistant wearing a giant hat berated him for an hour and a half over the line 'Huh? A Hershey's?'
"Why don't you care?"
"He's got the biggest hats in the world."
"He just laid into me for an hour and a half."
The Art of the Commercial Slate
The actors demonstrate their 'slates'—the brief self-introductions used for auditions—revealing desperate willingness to shave anything and the specific 'types' they occupy, from 'hideous man' to 'girl who drives a better car'.
"Always say willing to shave especially if you're a woman."
"I'm repped by the zoo and I am 5'6"."
The Brutal Aging Cycle of Commercial Women
The panel discusses the limited shelf life for women in commercials, noting that once a woman hits 23, she immediately transitions into 'Mom' roles before eventually becoming an 'Activia' spokesperson 50 years later.
"Women once you're 23 you're out. You're mom and then you're out."
"Mom is strike two. Women don't get a strike one."
Improv Training for Specific Commercial Scenarios
The actors break down how different improv schools prepare you for specific commercial tropes: Groundlings for 'sitting on a toilet', UCB for 'scared dads', and Second City for 'kids get in the car'.
"I feel like Groundlings training gives you sitting on toilet."
"UCB training gives you more like dad who's scared of a monster under the kids' bed."
SAG-AFTRA: The Wild West of Online Commercials
The panel discusses the Screen Actors Guild and the lack of regulation for online commercials, leading to a story about a TikTok ad that paid $200 for a hundred billion views.
"SAG is like this wonderful thing. It's heaven."
"I went out for a Tik Tok and it paid $200 flat and a hundred billion people saw that Tik Tok."
The Art of the Binky Bing Read
The actors compete to give the most 'nothing' performance for a Nerds Rope commercial to satisfy the specific, fearful tastes of baby director Binky Bing.
"Nerds rope. Silly silly. Let's go."
"I blacked out. Yeah, that's when you know it's flowing."
The Super Bowl is Our Super Bowl
The actors discuss their intense Super Bowl rituals, which involve fast-forwarding through the football to study the commercials with pads of paper.
"The Super Bowl is our Super Bowl."
"My dad turns the commercials up all the way to volume 100 and he kind of just makes me watch and learn."
The Audition Avalanche
The roundtable is interrupted by a flurry of last-minute audition notifications and a high-pressure call from a costume designer demanding impossible sizes.
"I'm a negative four. Go lower."
"Bring your own jeans, bring your own shoes, bring your whole wardrobe."
The Fart and Yes Audition
As the panel disperses, the next group of actors enters for a bizarre audition requiring 'big farts and small yeses'.
"We want big farts and small yeses after it."
"People aren't going big enough with the farts."
Emily Bigbog's Big Shot as Stephen Colbert
Emily receives a union breakdown for Stephen Colbert and practices her slate, revealing she is represented by 'The Zoo'.
"Emily Bigbog, 5'6", repped by The Zoo."
The Commercial Actor Roundtable Introduction
The panel of commercial actors introduces themselves, immediately diving into the hyper-specific jargon of the industry, including 'booking out', 'call backs', and the dread of seeing your 'type' in the waiting room.
"I'm Carl's Junior's but not Hardies."
"Commercial actors are the people who sell you these products and have a good time doing it."