Boney
The daughter of the river from Greenpoint, Michigan who communicates through rhythmic, repetitive folk melodies.
Highlight Bits & Quotes
13The 60-Year Song and the Mexican Standoff
To save folk music, the group attempts to sing a song that never ends. The rhythmic complexity leads to a violent breakdown and a literal gun-point standoff over the song's time signature.
"We create a song that lasts forever. A 60-year song."
"You told me to bring a gun!"
"The song won't end unless I end it."
The Great Oberlin Potato Protest
The group recounts meeting at an Oberlin protest over cafeteria potato rations, explaining how a punctuation misunderstanding led to their chant 'No More. Four!'
"People thought we were asking for no more for, we were actually on the side of four potatoes."
"We said we can read our own punctuation. We need to make songs for ourselves."
The Children of America Roll Call
The performers introduce their specific folk personas: Park Ranger Ted (nature), Boney (the river), Jennifer Cricket (the railroad), and Gravy Turkey Leg (fire).
"I'm the son of the trees. I'm the son of nature. They call me Park Ranger Ted."
"I am a daughter of the railroad and the boss man."
A Cappella Capitalism: Amazing Grace
The group debates if 'Amazing Grace' is a call to action before performing a version that devolves into a demand for a raise from the 'Boss Man'.
"My instrument is whatever that's supporting me. So if I'm sitting on a chair, that's the instrument."
"Boss man, take me home. Your wife is hot."
Bob Dylan's Secret Stand-up Career
Gravy Turkey Leg argues that Bob Dylan is actually a stand-up comedian writing setup-punchline songs, while the group expresses intense hatred for Midge Maisel's Upper West Side folk music intrusions.
"He's just writing comedy songs. He's writing setup punchline over and over and over again."
"I don't care about your gefilte fish. I want to sing about the water in the road."
The Gramophone Confessionals
The band reviews 'found footage' from their recording sessions, featuring a mix of folk songs about rivers and reality-TV style confessionals where they complain about call times and roast beef sandwiches.
"It's like straight to camera confessionals mixed in with some of our songs."
"Why am I here setting up pretzels like I'm crew?"
Woodstock Weekend Two: The Janitorial Era
The group reminisces about playing the much less glamorous 'Weekend Two' of Woodstock, where the celebrities were gone and only the janitorial staff and people too high to leave remained.
"We were at weekend two of Woodstock. That's when the celebrities don't really drop in quite as much."
"I saw something that we had never seen before... it was the sunrise."
Folk Singer Fuck-Marry-Kill
The band plays a high-stakes game of Fuck-Marry-Harmonize involving Bob Dylan, JFK, and Mickey Mouse, leading to a dark realization about the timeline of JFK's assassination.
"I'm killing Bob Dylan so I don't have to listen to him tell another story."
"Do you understand that happened 5 years ago? Too soon!"
The Accidental Yellow Submarine Interpolation
The group finishes their folk anthem only to realize they have accidentally plagiarized 'Yellow Submarine' by The Beatles, leading to a discussion on their lack of original creative control.
"The Beatles are going to be pissed at us."
"I knew it was Yellow Submarine the whole time and I just wanted to sing a song I knew."
Boney's Future Vision: Britney Spears
Boney experiences a 'cosmic convergence' and channels a future song that lacks proper nouns and working-man themes, which the others identify as a 'death rattle' for folk music.
"Oh my god, I'm getting a vision."
"You sung about your own child asking it to hit you in the face."
Mom and Pop Shop Along the Freeway
The group performs an original folk song about the plight of small businesses being destroyed by urban development and six-lane highways.
"Is it a highway? Are we free yet? Or is it a freeway and we don't have rights?"
The Anthem: Don't Look At Me Like That
The group performs their 'powerful anthem' which features increasingly violent and specific lyrics about killing the president in the Oval Office.
"Time to kill the president. He's sitting in the Oval Office 704 right now."
The Vault: 1969 Folk Supergroup 'Two Sons, Two Daughters'
The hosts introduce a 'vault' episode from 1969 featuring a legendary folk quartet. The group opens with a harmonious but slightly off-kilter rendition of 'This Land Is Your Land'.
"Folk music was sweeping the nation in the roaring 60s or swinging 60s or folk 60s as they were called."