Derrick Shooman
Highlight Bits & Quotes
12Derrick's Boring Life Inspires Rihanna's Greatest Hits
Derrick Shooman explains how his mundane struggles, like getting caught in a gust of wind with an umbrella, directly inspire Rihanna's chart-topping singles and music videos.
"I'm so normal and boring she can't figure me out."
"I'm going Rihanna help three weeks later umbrella drops at number one."
The Home Depot 12-Foot Skeleton Lawsuit
Skeleton Brimblebones expresses her outrage after discovering a one-night stand took her measurements to create the viral 12-foot tall skeleton sold at Home Depot.
"The next day I see my body on the Home Depot website 12 feet tall and I was pissed off."
"You were the basis for tall skeleton."
The Bazinga Origin Story
Ray Shell reveals that she uses 'Bazinga' as a curse word to replace profanity, and that Chuck Lorre stole her negative energy to turn it into a sitcom catchphrase.
"For me I say it instead of fuck and shit."
"Chuck loved my energy when I said it and he took it and he made it a positive."
Lady Lavender's Jumbotron Vagina
Lady Lavender claims her anatomy inspired the shape of the Dodger Stadium Jumbotron after a tryst with Tommy Lasorda, leading to a debate about 1960s baseball management.
"My vagina was the inspiration for the shape of the Jumbotron at the Dodgers Stadium."
"This is coming from the woman who snorts coke like Sudafed."
Muses Anonymous and Song Inspirations
The panel discusses the 'sellout' muses who made money, including the real Shirona, Delilah, and the woman who inspired Andre 3000's flute album.
"I'm the sponsor for Muses Anonymous."
"I am the one who inspired Andre 3000 to release a flute album and I feel bad."
Scooby-Doo's Anti-Drug Stance
Skeleton Brimblebones reveals she can talk to bones and recently spoke with the dog Scooby-Doo was based on, who apparently resents the stoner reputation of the show.
"He resents the weed. He's like there was never weed in my story."
"I can talk to bones and people if they are bone of heart and spirit."
The Muses Become the Mused
The roundtable descends into chaos as the panelists start pitching movies and TikTok skits about each other, while being interrupted by calls from Chuck Lorre and Bob Dylan.
"We've become each other's muses!"
"That's what happens when you go down on a Jumbotron, am I right?"
Derrick Shooman: Rihanna's Secret Weapon
Derrick explains how his mundane life events, like being feisty to a waiter or a sexual encounter on a cruise, inspired Rihanna's biggest hits like 'Rude Boy' and 'Pon de Replay'.
"Basically every single thing that Rihanna's touched I have somehow inspired."
Ray Shell and the Chuck Lorre Multiverse
Ray Shell realizes his life is a series of multicam sitcom tropes, confirming he is the muse for Two and a Half Men, Big Bang Theory, and Bob Hearts Abishola.
"I've been told I'm only his multi-cam muse. Any single cam he doesn't know."
Lady Lavender's Laurel Canyon Legacy
Lady Lavender recounts her time in the 60s and 70s music scene, claiming responsibility for both the greatest harmonies and the most tragic overdoses of the era.
"I'm the one who got Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young together and I'm the one who got Nash out of it later."
Skeleton's Sharp BDSM Bones and Tim Burton's Cage
Skeleton Brimblebones describes her sexual signature moves involving sharp bones for BDSM and reveals Tim Burton must lock himself in a cage on Halloween to avoid becoming a pumpkin with button eyes.
"The sharp ones are for BDSM for scratching."
The Muses Assemble
The panel of legendary muses introduces themselves, including a reanimated pile of bones and a man who claims to be the inspiration for Rihanna's entire discography.
"My name is Skeleton Brimblebones and I am Tim Burton's muse."