DJ Shawn
A newcomer to the DJ game who has only done three weddings, all of which went poorly.
Highlight Bits & Quotes
9The White Whale of Father-Daughter Dance Songs
The DJs debate the most appropriate songs for father-daughter dances, ranging from basic choices to DJ Diggety Dog's controversial selection of 'Unholy' by Sam Smith.
"I like to play something that sort of implies that the dad and the daughter are in a romantic relationship in some way."
"You think I want to [ __ ] my daughter? That happens all the time."
"It slays the boots down house mama."
Breaking Up a Bridal Party Brawl
DJ Uncle Todd presents a scenario where the maid of honor and bridal party are fighting, challenging the DJs to find the perfect song to get all the girls on the dance floor.
"Pink is the godmother of weddings."
"Get married when you're 45. That's what I've learned."
"Put that petty difference aside and hang out with your sis."
The Funny Uncle's Cake Cutting Antics
The DJs pitch songs for the cake cutting ceremony, leading to a heated debate over Meghan Trainor's viability as a 'wedding person' and the intuitive interface of the iPod Nano.
"I don't touch Meghan Trainor with a 100-foot pole at my wedding."
"The most intuitive interface on any music player I've ever seen."
"Christians love Dippin' Dots."
Passive-Aggressive DJ Announcements
The panel plays a game of delivering difficult announcements, including telling a Fiat owner to move their car and informing the bride's mother she's too drunk to stay.
"The biological clock of alcohol poisoning!"
"We got a party bus out for you! It is an ambulance!"
"Hey, Fiat guy, listen up right here!"
DJ Diggety Dog's Pre-Mixed Disaster
DJ Diggety Dog attempts a buffet announcement that devolves into a chaotic pre-mixed mashup of System of a Down and Simon & Garfunkel, much to the confusion of the other DJs.
"Apparently they are having too much food and they need to stop!"
"Chop Suey and the Sound of Silence!"
"It's timed perfectly because it's all my favorite parts of my song."
The High-Stakes Virginity Send-Off
DJ Uncle Todd takes on a 'hard mode' scenario: stalling a wedding exit for a fighting couple while coordinating with a bridesmaid, eventually leading to a Christian virginity-loss conga line.
"We are the tablecloth."
"We are saying goodbye to Olivia and Joe before they finally lose their virginity because they're kind of Christian."
"A tight woke."
Shut Up and Dance (With Your Mother)
DJ Karaoke delivers a final, high-energy advice segment, encouraging DJs to use the ultimate problem-solver: forcing everyone, including the elderly, onto the dance floor.
"I want you to pick your mother up off the ground and I want you to wheel her up onto the floor."
"Once again it is not yet time for seconds."
The Brown Eyed Girl Protocol
DJ Shawn tries to defend playing 'Brown Eyed Girl,' leading to a heated debate about the song's specific utility for distracting old people or honoring deceased aunts.
"That song is for children to dance to their aunts to, okay?"
Wedding DJ Roundtable Roll-Call
The hosts introduce a panel of four 'titans' of the wedding DJ industry, including a specialist in gay unions, a father of five who doesn't understand technology, and a newcomer who is actively failing.
"I don't really know how I got here, but it pays the bills and I got to keep doing it."