Emil Sofia Tagliatelle
A writer and actor at Dhar Mann Studios who specializes in playing 'evil businessmen' and 'guys in ties learning lessons.'
Highlight Bits & Quotes
18The Moral Absolutism of Content
The writers discuss the lack of 'gray area' in Dhar Mann videos, explaining that in real life, people are either strictly nice or strictly mean, and any character growth is merely the 'ending of the video.'
"My husband is nice. My daughter is mean. My teacher is nice. My mailman is mean."
"In real life, my daughter is nice to me and I go, 'That's such a good ending of this video.'"
"Your generation is nothing but gray, right? Everything is gray for you."
The 5,000 Titles Per Day Mad-Lib
The writers warm up the room by generating absurd, high-concept titles based on the Dhar Mann formula, including 'Mean Dog Gets a Swirly' and 'Ballerina Breaks Her Foot and Has to Get Into Shotput.'
"Mean dog gets a swirly cuz he's being bullied."
"Evil baby boy gets babysitter from hell. They're both evil."
"We take movies that already exist and boil them down to their keyword titles."
The Technical Constraints of Dhar Mann
The writers reveal their bizarre production workflow, including writing scripts in Google Sheets without text wrapping and using a single lavalier microphone passed between actors to avoid 'audio mixing.'
"We write all of our scripts in Google Sheets... but then we take off the grid."
"You can't scroll sideways on a story."
"There is one lav mic that is passed back and forth."
Popular Girls Makeover Goth (The Jello Incident)
A full dramatic reenactment of a video where a goth girl is 'saved' by popular girls, only to be betrayed at a pool party filled with Jello and eventually sent to jail for 'trying to steal a concert.'
"I've never seen my eyes before. I always close them because I'm shy."
"Hope nothing weird happens to me in the pool. Splash. It was jello."
"Jarro was sent to jail for trying to steal a concert."
Sad Scientist and the Harvard Janitor
A dramatic reading of a script where a scientist tries to make a love potion to win back his wife, only to be confronted by a janitor who is secretly a Harvard-educated scientist who 'gave it all up.'
"Science grogged me, so I gave it all up."
"I'm just the janitor now. But I wouldn't do that if I were you."
The 'No Delete' Policy
The writers explain Dhar Mann's strict 'No Delete' policy on Google Docs, where they only have 'Add' access, leading to nonsensical plot progressions and abandoned characters.
"We have a very strict policy. No delete. No delete."
"Dhar Mann controls the Google Drive that we all work off of and he does not give us edit access."
The Rapid-Fire Pitch Session
Under pressure from Dhar Mann's disembodied voice, the writers fire off dozens of increasingly absurd video premises involving 'Rizz,' zookeepers, and secret millionaires.
"The word Rizz will be popular in five years."
"Poor child sells his cow for a bag of Rizz."
Dhar Mann's Dark Secrets
The writers praise their boss while accidentally revealing his history of underpaying staff and his suspicious habit of deleting negative internet search results.
"The more you look him up on the internet, the less you find."
"I loved when we pitched that one video... Dhar Mann Exposed."
The Virtuous Woman vs. The Snobby Woman
Crystal attempts to share a moral lesson, but Emil constantly interrupts to reframe her story as a 'Snobby Woman' narrative, leading to a semantic battle over her character's morality.
"I am the virtuous woman. I am the woman who reads a book."
"Snobby woman learns that her true friends are who they actually were the whole time."
The Monster of Envy Joins McKinsey
Brace Face Natalie admits she no longer wants to be a writer, prompting the others to narrate her departure as a Dhar Mann video where she joins a consulting firm.
"I think I learned I don't want to be here anymore."
"Monster of envy receives job offer of a lifetime. Contemplates ending it all."
Showbiz Sign-Off
The writers deliver their final moral lessons and sign off from the Dynasty Typewriter, concluding the episode with their signature catchphrases and credits.
"Now that's why they call it showbiz."
"Good night Hollywood. Live from the beautiful Dynasty Typewriter."
The 'Forefront of Legacy' Hiring Process
The writers explain that they aren't called writers but 'forefronts,' and the hiring process requires bringing a child and a grandparent into the room to submit packets of proverbs.
"They call you not a writer, but they call you the forefront of your legacy."
Archetypes and the 15-Year Cultural Lag
The writers introduce their personal archetypes and admit that the studio is intentionally 15 years behind on social issues, only just now 'cracking open' the concept of plastic surgery.
"I can't wait until Dhar Mann discovers the concept of gender neutrality because I think it's going to be 15 years of videos."
Brace Face Natalie's Origin Story
Natalie reveals she was hired after Dhar Mann mistook her for catering staff because of her braces, leading to a viral video about a woman with braces being bullied.
"He asked me for more chicken fingers, please. And I said, 'I'm not in the catering staff.' And he said, 'But what are those braces?'"
The Economy of Dhar Bucks
The writers discuss their compensation, which includes 'Dhar Bucks' that must be spent at the studio store, similar to an old mining town's company store system.
"It's kind of like how old mining towns would set up for the miners. You would spend your mining bucks at those."
The Busterino Linguistics Expert
The writers discuss their failed attempt to make the word 'Busterino' go viral and their in-house linguistics expert who ensures their scripts use generic language to appeal to a global audience.
"Dhar Mann met with an analyst who assured us that Busterino was going to be the next slay."
The Monster of Envy Leaves for McKinsey
Brace Face Natalie transforms into the 'Monster of Envy,' a character she usually only does at Christmas sin parties, and announces she is leaving the writers room for McKinsey Consulting.
"I am the monster of envy and I'm leaving for McKinsey Consulting."
The Moral Universe of Dhar Mann Studios
The hosts introduce the writers of Dhar Mann Studios, discussing the channel's massive reach and its unique brand of 'amazingly moral plays' that feel like a LaCroix of cinema.
"A LaCroix tastes like if you whispered the flavor from the other room while you were drinking a water. That's sort of what Dhar Mann movies feel like."