Jared Lonk
Highlight Bits & Quotes
11The Body Cam in the Cookie Dough
Jared Lonk reveals the secret behind his show's center: there is a police body cam (a 'GoPro for the police') embedded inside the cookie dough to capture the guest's reaction from the inside.
"What's in the center of the cookie dough?"
"A GoPro for the police. A body cam."
"That's how we get in there."
"I hate to be all gimmick talk show brain, but that would be a good show."
The Hurricane Harbor Ryans and Nape Talk
Christy Wet describes her early days filling 200 buckets of water for her show and her deep bond with four lifeguards named Ryan at Hurricane Harbor who saved her by the scruff of her neck, leading to a pitch for a show called Nape Talk.
"I couldn't afford a rain machine, right? So I had to do all the buckets of water myself."
"There's four of them. They're all named Ryan and they're all really really really good guys."
"Can you answer these questions while your mom grabs you by the nape of your neck?"
The Golden Age of Gimmick YouTube
The hosts rapid-fire pitch increasingly bizarre YouTube show concepts including 'Train Track Questions', 'Chamachug', 'Recess Litigation' shot in sepia, and 'Sweatshop Dates' featuring a bleeding Matty Healy.
"She's tied to the train tracks the whole time. And so they're doing it via walkie-talkie."
"It was so fun to watch Matty Healy make 45 shorts."
"If the dog turns on you, the interview's over."
The 12 Dentists of Palms
Guy Stink explains his niche empire involving 12 dentists living in an apartment in Palms, producing content like 'That Hurt My Teeth' and 'Two Teeth and a Lie'.
"I bought 12 dentists."
"We're workshopping which one disagrees traitor style."
"Where you take out two teeth and then someone has to lie."
No-Boo Sushi and the Bop-It Car
The group workshops a dating show called 'No-Boo or Yes-Boo' involving high-stakes sushi and McDonald's dates, followed by a pitch for a car driven entirely by a Bop-It toy.
"You either go alone to a nice ass sushi meal or you go on a date to a McDonald's."
"It's a car. It drives with a Bop-It."
"That's not a game. That's an invention."
Carne Asada: The Pun-Based Segment
A linguistic spiral leads to 'Carne Asada,' a segment where a carnival worker (a 'carny') appears from off-stage to deliver a theatrical 'aside' to the camera.
"A carny comes up and gives you an aside."
"The freak show is that way."
"That is the silliest thing I've ever heard."
Dream Guest: Jesus Christ and the Rapture Finance
The hosts discuss booking Jesus Christ, debating his dental health, his ability to control bees, and a plan to finance a rapture just to get him on the show.
"I would love to see what Jesus Christ does for 24 hours with bees."
"All we need to do is finance a rapture."
"If you're a carny, comment 'present' and we'll have someone reach out to you."
Wet Questions and Puffer Fish Psychology
Christy Wet introduces her show where guests are interviewed while soaking wet, using distracting questions about puffer fish to trick celebrities into revealing deep secrets.
"I interview guests soaking wet and we answer some questions about you know, it's a little bit under the sea."
"What's the biggest puffer fish you've ever seen, puffed or unpuffed?"
Wisdom Takes and Dental Theft
Guy Stink explains his show where he interviews people under anesthesia and pulls their teeth without consent, leading to a coffee table book of iPhone mouth photos.
"I work with the dentist who puts people under, and then I ask them their hot takes."
"I have a coffee table book where I took pictures on my iPhone of the teeth that we pull."
Trapped in a Room with Bees and Lonk Bucks
Jared Lonk details his show involving 24 hours with bees and a complex economic system involving 'Lonk Bucks' and betting on bee counts.
"The celebrities they're trapped in a room for 24 hours with bees and we just see kind of what happens."
"They're all searching for the the golden long, which is a thing I've put into my videos."
The YouTube Talk Show Revolution
The panel discusses the shift from traditional late-night TV to bizarre YouTube interview formats, bragging about their multi-million dollar corporations and tripod sets.
"YouTube talk show hosts are overtaking the entirety of the media landscape."
"I kind of feel like we're in a traditional late night show in the way that like we have to sit we have to we're here for an hour."