Klaus Bvlgari
programmer for the Ionic West Film Festival.
Highlight Bits & Quotes
11The B-Roll Director Talkback
Paula St. Paula explains her unique approach to film festival talkbacks, which involves inviting CCTV operators to sit in silence so as not to break the 'sanity' of the b-roll footage.
"In the short film world, if somebody says the devil, it's a code word. We pivot hard."
"People who operate CCTV, I think are fantastic b-roll directors."
"I think CCTV operators are fantastic b-roll directors and they're not being taken advantage of."
"We don't want you to say anything because that breaks the sanity of the b-roll."
The World's First B-Roll Film Festival
Paula St. Paula introduces the NPC Film Festival, which exclusively screens b-roll footage. She discusses the strict rules against audience caffeine and the threat of 'iStock poachers'.
"I am the first and only b-roll film festival in the world."
"If the audience falls asleep during the b-roll, they're disqualified."
The Ionic West: If You Don't Understand It, You're Not Smart Enough
Klaus Bvlgari explains his Reno-based festival for films that make no sense, insulting commercial cinema like Marvel and Batman while praising movies about leaves and xenophobia.
"If your film makes sense, it's stupid. It's worthless to me."
"I want to see a movie about a leaf going through the life of a leaf and it ends on the story about some sort of xenophobia."
Blast Fest's Improv Talkbacks and Ice Machines
David Dupalo describes the chaotic programming at Blast Fest, including talkbacks hosted by Drew Carey and the stiff competition between Julianne Moore films and a high-speed ice machine.
"The rom-coms are competing with an ice machine and a slip and slide."
"It makes ice so fast. I've got to come see the ice machine."
Paula St. Paula's B-Roll Revelation
Paula describes her 'study abroad' experience following a creep in a park, leading to her discovery of background footage as an art form. Klaus blows her mind by revealing that YouTube soundscapes exist.
"It's not the pictures of the women that interest me, it's the fact that he's at a park and he's walking around."
"You're telling me there's a place where I could go online and search for my own b-roll?"
Lucy the Bird's Sundance Slate
Lucy pitches a bizarre film about Cyndi Lauper's nephew building a car with his 'spare hands' to win back tons of birds, and a documentary about the woman who invented the stop sign.
"Cyndi Lauper is going to help me in the fight to win the tons of birds back."
"I heard that getting into conversations with her was the worst thing that could happen to you."
Klaus Bvlgari's 'Not A Queer Film Festival' Festival
Klaus describes a slate of films that are all heavy-handed allegories for homosexuality, while aggressively insisting that his festival is absolutely not a queer film festival.
"We are not a queer film festival!"
"It's an allegory for how he needs to feel another man's touch, so it's also a beautiful film about what it means to be gay."
Final Advice and the Octopus Car
The panelists give conflicting advice to young filmmakers. Lucy the Bird has a breakdown over Ricola, threatening to leave in her 'octopus car' before David invites everyone to a Danny Elfman silent disco.
"If one of you asks me to get a Ricola, I'm gonna put my octopus hat on, get in my octopus car, and get out of here."
"We could do a silent disco to Danny Elfman music."
The 12 Angry Men of South by Southwest
The panel discusses the toxic ego of film festival audiences, leading Lucy the Bird to reveal her industry nickname for SXSW: 12 Angry Men.
"In the industry we don't call it South by Southwest, we call it 12 Angry Men."
The Niagara Falls B-Roll Theme
Paula St. Paula announces that the theme for this year's North Phoenix Film Festival is Niagara Falls, which she interprets as either literal footage or anything that 'evokes' the falls.
"If you could convince me that a busy Denver street evokes Niagara Falls, then by God you're in."
Meet the Festival Programmers
The panel introduces themselves as elite film festival programmers, including David Dupalo of Blast Fest and the mysterious Lucy the Bird, who has a strange connection to avian life in Park City.
"I love listening to Lucy the Bird talk about festivals because there's some sort of thing I learned about you, Lucy the Bird."