Leo Dine
One of the lead men in the musical who suffered broken ribs after falling into the pit orchestra.
Highlight Bits & Quotes
13The Accountant's Physical Shutdown
The cast describes the unprecedented physical closing of the show by a vomiting accountant who chained himself to the theater doors and hired armed guards to prevent the actors from performing.
"It was the first show on Broadway ever closed physically by the accountant."
"If we approach the doors, we've been told they will shoot us on sight."
The Scapparelli Frank Name Confusion
Scapparelli Frank explains the complex distinction between his real name, Scapparelli Francisco, his friend-facing name, Scapparelli Frank, and his stage name, which is Just Frank.
"My real name, Scapparelli Francisco. And Frank is the stage."
"So we as your friends can call you Scapparelli Frank and the stage calls you just Frank."
The 'Come On Flalalady' Chant
The cast peer-pressures Flalalady Guggenheim into performing a 'tumble' she has been practicing, leading to a chaotic rhythmic chant that eventually lifts their spirits.
"Come on Flalalady, come on please. With just a thumbs up, you could do it."
"I haven't seen her this energetic since she accidentally took my Adderall when she mistook it for her Percocet."
Scapparelli's Breakdown and the Gun Reveal
After a tragic phone call revealing his family has died, Scapparelli Frank has a breakdown. The tension escalates into a standoff where both he and Flalalady Guggenheim reveal they are carrying firearms.
"I own a gun."
"I do too."
The Mayor of Boston and Slime Tutorials
Mimi Spaghetti discusses her role as the Mayor of Boston, a fancy British equivalent to the Mayor of Easttown. The group then watches a 'slime tutorial' (a bootleg musical recording) of her freezing up during her first preview.
"I played the mayor of Boston who's sort of a fancy British equivalent of the mayor of Easttown."
The Disastrous 'Diary of a Dame' Preview
The cast reviews the chaotic first preview of their musical, which involved a 'ladder domino' stunt gone wrong and a person from the audience being cast after screaming 'the subway' at a critical moment.
"The ladder domino, the song about how dominoes keep falling in New York City."
The Orchestra Incident and Angry New Yorkers
Scapparelli Frank explains how a rehearsal outside the theater led to a flood of angry New Yorkers kicking the cast into the orchestra pit because they accidentally released a swarm of strong rats while tap dancing.
"It turns out you were releasing rats. These rats had been sleeping, and you were scattering them throughout."
The Five Stages of a Show Closing
Dan Maroon outlines the five stages of a Broadway show closing, which include 'Curtain Falls', 'Heart Falls', and the pragmatic 'Bank Account Falls'.
"Instead of mind falls, bank account falls. Kaching!"
The Failed Career of Dan Maroon
Dan lists his top six favorite shows that never made it, including a high school version of 'Turning of the Screw' and a John Leguizamo show titled 'Shoes for a White Man'.
"I was in a John Leguizamo show called Shoes for a White Man."
The Subway Conductor's Rap
Scapparelli Frank performs a violent and nonsensical rap about the New York City subway system, which was supposedly a cut song from their musical.
"I watch a man's eyes leave his body. Subway!"
Plugging The Meat Skeleton
Scapparelli Frank plugs his social media handle and his real-life podcast while the rest of the cast waves goodbye to the audience in a chaotic sign-off.
"You can find me at the meet skeleton or you can listen to my podcast One of us with Finn and Chris."
Diary of a Dame vs. Diary of a Wimpy Kid
The cast discusses the confusing creative direction of their show, which allegedly pivoted from Anne Frank's diary to 'Diary of a Wimpy Kid' mid-production.
The Immediate Aftermath of a Broadway Closing
The cast is in shock, frantically texting agents and family members to cancel plans or reclaim living spaces after their show, 'Diary of a Dame', is abruptly shut down by an accountant.
"Tell Diana it's time to close the relationship again."
"I'm not going to call the police. I think I was just experiencing a moment of inflated ego."
"The shed can no longer be used as an Airbnb. I will be using it as my studio again."