Liza Ben Simone
director of "Dog Getting Hit by a Train, After Drowning in an Ocean" and "Two Dogs Hitting Each Other So Hard They Explode and One of Them Cries Himself to Death"
Highlight Bits & Quotes
10The Golden Doodle Industry Takeover
The directors discuss the studio-mandated obsession with Golden Doodles, leading to a reveal that Glen Army was forced to cast a Golden Doodle as Mary in his biblical epic while Jesus remained a wiener dog.
"They come and meet me... and they try and pay for my fucking salad."
"Studio heads just kept hitting a wall lately where they said is the dog a golden doodle?"
"I luckily got to make Jesus Christ a wiener dog and Mary the mother of Jesus Christ was a golden doodle."
"God is a dachshund with Great Dane arms."
The Eugenics Elephant in the Room
Glen Army points out that the entire roundtable discussion has been 'lightly skidding around the idea of eugenics' regarding dog breeds, leading to a pivot toward Liza's psychic abilities and holiday release pressure.
"Does this conversation this whole day kind of feel like we're just lightly skidding around the idea of eugenics?"
"I am psychic when it comes to filmmakers I disrespect."
"You wouldn't be at a public pool on Christmas Day!"
"If you're about to tell me that Gerard Butler needs to put a Santa hat on this lab"
The Canine Caste System on Set
Glen Army explains how he manages diva dog behavior by implementing a biblical caste system where dachshunds are royalty and other breeds serve them, while Tiffany discusses the difficulty of miking up heavy-breathing pugs.
"Certain dogs were elevated to royalty and other dogs were kind of the servants of those dogs."
"I have a specific boom op when I work with pugs or bulldogs."
"I won't even let a pug in the waiting room because I can hear him."
Chemistry Reads with Gerard Butler and a Lab
Liza Ben Simone describes her intense casting process for a film where a dog is hit by a train, involving chemistry reads between Gerard Butler, a Labrador, and Marion Cotillard to ensure they share the same 'energy'.
"I wanted the lab to look like the ghost of Gerard Butler's character's wife in the movie who died."
"I made Marion Cotillard run around and I made our lab at the time, Bunny, run."
"This dog in another life was either Marion Cotillard or Lindsay Lohan."
Working Like a Dog: The Legal Thriller
Rudy Cund discusses his film 'Working Like a Dog' where Jeff Bridges is defended by a dog lawyer. The group debates the film's dark themes, including a dog railing 'cocaine' that was actually crushed Milk-Bones.
"Jeff Bridges goes into the courtroom and goes 'This is my lawyer' and the judge drops their mallet."
"I've never seen a dog rail cocaine that fast."
"That wasn't cocaine, that was crushed up Milk-Bone."
The Art of the Graphic Dog Death
Liza Ben Simone discusses her cinematic philosophy of killing dogs every ten minutes to bring audiences together, citing 'Love Actually' as a structural inspiration.
"I think what brings people together is dogs dying."
"My newest movie we're working on a dog death every 10 minutes."
Working Like a Dog: Gig Worker
Glen reveals his unproduced script about a dog named Chubby driving for Uber and Postmates, leading to a discussion about the ethics of dogs walking other dogs.
"It's mostly my dog Chubby playing doofy filling out 1099s"
"That's a dog walking a dog"
Advice for Aspiring Young Dogs
As the roundtable wraps up, the directors offer career advice to young dogs entering the industry, emphasizing the importance of being oneself and not barking if you are a woofer.
"Don't bark when you're the kind of dog who woofs"
"Bark be with you"
The Voyage LA Self-Interview Scandal
Liza attempts to defend a controversial article about her in Voyage LA, while Tiffany points out that the publication is famous for being pay-to-play and self-submitted.
"Voyage LA is an article that you write yourself"
"That article saying that I monopolized on dog death is not that I want to turn that around"
The Mount Rushmore of Dog Movies
The panel of elite dog movie directors introduces themselves, establishing their niche industry status and debating who originally said 'never work with animals or children.'
"We're the Mount Rushmore of dog movies right now."