Maurice Cut
Highlight Bits & Quotes
13The Hamilton Lottery Protesters
Maurice Cut explains that his clinic is located right on Vine Street, leading to constant protests from musical theater fans who mistake his veterinary plastic surgery clinic for a Hamilton-related event.
"It reminds me of the Hamilton Lottery babe I don't quite know what's going on over there"
"All you have to know is the dogs leave pretty"
"I'm responsible for about 30% of the cheekbones at all time in every production of Hamilton"
The Celestial Mistake of Earlobes
Derek Snip recounts a spiritual retreat in Tujunga where a celestial being informed him that earlobes were a design mistake, justifying his practice of removing them to create sharp angles.
"He told me that earlobes were a mistake"
"It's like putting a bow on a big pile of turd"
"I have no problem with upper cartilage I have no problem with piercings in the middle the lobes need to go"
The Plastic Surgery Psychic
Tatiana Yokovich defends her Instagram claims that Emma Stone had her eyes doubled and SpongeBob SquarePants received lip filler, insisting she is a 'plastic surgery psychic.'
"She has had her eyes doubled"
"I said normal SpongeBob had lip filler"
"SpongeBob is a rare natural beauty rare untouched specimen perfect in every proportion"
The Sinister Gag Order and Hamilton Obsession
Maurice reveals a legal gag order preventing the word 'sinister' from being used near his name. Tatiana attempts to bypass it by counting to 25, leading to a confusing tangent about the musical Hamilton and JFK's moon landing.
"Legally speaking the word sinister cannot be mentioned within 25 words of my name."
"Did John F. Kennedy know how to get to the moon personally when he made the call?"
"I'm doing my own Hamilton for this moment and I'm saying the year we landed on the moon."
The Origin of Grumpy Cat and Brad Garrett's Request
Maurice claims credit for creating Grumpy Cat through surgery but refuses to discuss the cat's death. Derek Snip counters with a story about character actor Brad Garrett requesting a racially insensitive transformation.
"They made their cat grumpy and he became Grumpy Cat. Yep, that was actually my work."
"Brad Garrett... he came in once and he said I want to be black and I said I can't do that babe."
"Legally speaking I'm banned from talking about Grumpy Cat."
The Kardashian Lag and Bullfrog Face
Tatiana explains the 'Kardashian Lag' between Instagram and TikTok trends. Maurice accuses her of giving a patient 'bullfrog face' via excessive Botox, which she defends as a post-office complication.
"Instagram Reels Kardashians which as we all know is 4 weeks behind the TikTok Kardashians."
"I saw that guy on TikTok saying that you gave him bullfrog face."
"When he walked out of my office he looked like a lovely botoxed boy."
The Agent Who Wanted to Stop Blinking
Dr. Byson recounts an agent's request to have his eyes surgically fixed open to avoid blinking during an Adderall shortage. The surgeons debate the ethics of 'preventative Botox' for teenagers and Barbies.
"The agent didn't want to blink because he wanted to be awake all the time because cocaine wasn't enough."
"I had an agent in some weird manic episode ask for me to give preventative Botox to their Barbie."
"I'm not a mean Hollywood plastic surgeon. I'm going to stop even though I could make boodles of money."
Waterbed Cheeks and Truth or Dare
Tatiana reveals she moved her tear ducts to her mouth, causing her cheeks to fill with water like a waterbed. The group transitions into a game of Truth or Dare involving skin tags and purses.
"I moved my tear ducts down to the bottom of my mouth just in case I would need them later."
"I dare you to put a patient's skin tag inside a different patient's purse and then leave."
"Your cheeks are filling up with water."
Maurice Cut: The Celebrity Pet Surgeon
Maurice Cut introduces his practice of performing cosmetic surgery on famous animals, including a viral video where he pulled a bloodhound's face so tight it lost its balance.
"I am a plastic surgeon for celebrity pets."
"He actually lost a little bit of rhythm in his ear internal cochlear water and he fell downstairs."
The Anesthesia Debate
The surgeons argue over the ethics of anesthesia, with Tatiana claiming it's a 'cheat' and Dr. Byson comparing Botox timing to parmesan cheese on ravioli.
"Anesthesiologists... they have loose morals and they have loose pants."
"Botox is not like parmesan cheese. You're only going to know you have enough two weeks later."
The Canine Camera Dare
Derek dares Maurice to put a camera inside a dog to see what it looks like inside, which Maurice casually accepts for later.
"I dare you to put a little camera inside of doggies so we can see what it looks like inside of them."
The Ultimate Industry Dare: Getting Signed
Maurice dares Dr. Byson to perform the most difficult task for a Hollywood professional: actually getting signed by an agent during a meeting.
"I dare you the next time you have a meeting with an agent you try to get signed."
The Gucci Belt Bond
The panel of plastic surgeons discovers they are all wearing Gucci belts, establishing a shared aesthetic of high-end medical vanity and 'tightening things up.'
"Do we all have Gucci belts on right now?"
"Gucci and plastic surgeons they go hand in hand."
"I'm ABS Gill of that. That means absolutely guilty in my slang."