Shandy Redhorn
the oldest child and family favorite. Author of To Me, To Me.
Highlight Bits & Quotes
8The Period Party Betrayal
Denise and Shandy read conflicting accounts of a 'period party' thrown for Shandy. Denise views Shandy's early period as a personal betrayal, while Shandy recalls the trauma of a ferris wheel and a clown.
"My daughter couldn't wait until I was back in town to have her period."
"I looked at mommy and the ferris wheel was spinning wild behind her head."
Shandy's Bunk Bed Trauma
Shandy reads a vulgar and poetic excerpt about being forced to sleep in the middle of a twin bunk bed with her brothers, focusing on the proximity of Otto's knife-like toenails.
"His toenails are in front of my two eyes. When I look at them closely, they remind me of knives."
"I hope we get a TV in here soon."
The Aruba Word Cloud
Otto Martyr recounts a traumatic family trip to Aruba where his naked body became a core memory for the family, leading to a Vulture article and a word cloud featuring the term 'one ball'.
"One ball was huge. You all used one ball."
"I didn't know people didn't only have one ball because of that moment."
Denise's Americana Flash Mob Realization
Denise reads a chapter titled 'Pain' about living at the Americana at Brand in 2013 and regretting her life choices during a flash mob, before abruptly leaving the stage to 'do something'.
"A flash mob is appearing outside the Americana at Brand."
"I was a bad family man, band manager, a mamaager, so to speak."
The Family Song and Final Meltdown
The family attempts to turn their memoirs into a song, which quickly devolves into screaming matches, period-shaming, and Anna Konkle breaking character to discuss her actual real-life memoir.
"I hate your kids. And I hate your Melinda."
"It would have been so much more brilliant to do a satire memoir that seems totally real."
The Martyr Family Reunion and Memoir Roll-Call
The hosts introduce a group of five people who all wrote memoirs about the same shared life experiences. The Martyr family introduces themselves, revealing a history of name changes and a dysfunctional family band past.
"I changed my name to what I feel like all the time."
Otto's Skateboard Dreams and POD Lyrics
Otto reads his memoir 'Skateboard Dreams', which heavily plagiarizes POD and Hoobastank lyrics while making uncomfortable comments about the women in his family 'putting out'.
"Sometimes life hits you in the face like a skateboard that's just flown off of a halfpipe."
Red, White, and Pad: A Skateboarding Life Lesson
Otto Martyr reads a chapter from his skateboarding memoir that inexplicably focuses on his sister's first period, framing it as 'the greatest trick of all' and offering unsolicited advice to men.