Stone Rose Quartz
stylist of big, bold, and mean clothes.
Highlight Bits & Quotes
14The Fashion Outcast's Poo-Poo Incident
Fashion Emily St. Clair reveals she was exiled from high fashion after a series of accidental bowel movements at major runway shows, including Gucci and Valentino, which she describes as a pinball machine of humiliation.
"I was kicked out of the high fashion world because I did a poo poo at the Gucci show."
"In effect I do-dooed in all of them making me an outcast in the fashion community."
"After it happened you changed your first name to Fashion to try to compensate."
The Tremblay Canoli and Jacob's Law
Marice Hem-Golashes describes dressing Jacob Tremblay in a flammable Turkish rug, leading to a red carpet fire and the subsequent 'Jacob's Law' requiring buckets of flour at all events.
"I rolled him in an actual carpet on the carpet so we just look like a cylinder walking."
"Vogue called it the Tremblay Canoli."
"We call it Jacob's Law now."
Senator Hem-Golashes and the Pothole Closets
The panel debates the infrastructure decisions of Marice's father, a Senator who allegedly creates highway potholes as underground closets for commuters to change clothes.
"He's adding potholes to the highways himself."
"What if the closet was under the ground?"
"I don't agree with it politically but it's fun to play whack-a-mole in it."
Chuck's Science of Hotness and the Zara Podcast
Chuck Chester explains his 'science' of making men look hot without looking 'too queer' and pitches his hyper-fast Zara Man podcast shot in the Sherman Islands.
"If they look hot they're going to look a little queer."
"I am doing a podcast produced by Zara Man. We shoot them really really fast."
"Every shot is a third of a second but it's just enough to get it."
The Celebrity Funeral Styling Game
Stone Rose Quartz leads a game where the stylists must dress celebrities for specific events, resulting in Chris Evans wearing clear plastic to a funeral.
"Chris Evans going to a funeral. Go!"
"The shirt must not touch his body yet sit on his shoulders."
"Black suit with a gun and red writing on the back saying I'm glad he's gone."
Mr. Beast's Knife-Throwing Habit
Fashion Emily St. Clair reveals that Mr. Beast is a violent rat-killer who threw a knife at her for suggesting he wear a suit. She explains that once YouTubers reach a certain subscriber count, they develop a bloodlust for rodents.
"When you get to a certain number of subscribers, you kind of want to kill rats yourself."
"He threw the little knife at me, it pierced my wrist, it drew blood."
"He thinks hoodie is shirt because it's so standard for him."
The Paradox of Disagreeing While Agreeing
The panel enters a recursive loop of 'completely disagreeing' with each other while actually stating the exact same points about the invisibility of their craft.
"I'm disagreeing with your point exactly."
"That's exactly what I said, and I fully disagree."
Stone Rose Quartz: Big, Bold, and Mean
Stone Rose Quartz explains his philosophy of 'mean' styling, taking credit for Anne Hathaway's early career and rebranding Young Sheldon to bully people first.
"I believe in three things: big, bold, and mean."
"Suits on a woman is mean."
Chuck Chester's 'No Homo' Styling for Straight Actors
Chuck Chester discusses his niche styling straight actors like Jacob Elordi, ensuring they look 'fuckable' without the threat of being hit on by their stylist.
"I work with all the hottest straight actors when they want to work with someone they know isn't gonna hit on them."
"Jacob Elordi is pinned at the top of my phone."
Ina Garten's Butcher Knife Incident
Miranda Magenta Klein shares a parallel trauma where her best friend Ina Garten threw a butcher knife at her for suggesting an Aritzia leather jacket, treating Miranda like a chicken ready for lunch.
"She threw not a small knife, a butcher's knife."
"It came at me so fast like I was a chicken ready to be cut and served to a group of gals for lunch."
The Anatomy of a Fall Dog's Machete Attack
Marice Hem-Golashes describes dressing the dog from Anatomy of a Fall, who allegedly attacked her with a machete. The group performs a dramatic reenactment of the 911 call where the operator is unhelpfully focused on blood types.
"He pierced me with a machete because I wanted to put him in a skirt."
"What kind of blood is that? Red, A-positive, B-negative, or A-OK?"
That's Why We Call It Showbiz
Stone Rose Quartz and Miranda Magenta Klein wrap up the chaotic styling session with a classic Hollywood sign-off, expressing mock shock at the outcome of the episode.
"Now I did not see that coming!"
"That's why we call it showbiz. Goodnight, Hollywood!"
The AOAOAOA Disclaimer Outro
The show's signature musical outro plays, featuring a rapid-fire disclaimer that the performers are 'stupid' and their improvised opinions do not reflect their actual beliefs.
"The opinions expressed on this podcast do not reflect the opinions of anyone who works on it, not even the performers, because this is an improvised podcast and we're stupid."
The Invisible Art of Hollywood Styling
The hosts introduce the episode's theme: the stylists who dress celebrities, focusing on the 'invisible' nature of their work and the process behind the clothes we see on screen.
"Buckle that belt, put on that vest, and let's listen in."