The Driver of A Shadow
One half of The Haunted Brothers.
Highlight Bits & Quotes
14The Phantom of the Monster Truck
The Driver of the Spider Mo-Truck describes their signature theatrical trick involving flickering lights, a hovering candelabra, and a musical performance of 'The Phantom of the Opera' while creating a massive dust bowl.
"The phantom of the monster truck is there inside your mind."
"She's creating a dust bowl. She can't see a damn thing."
"We love CeeLo Green in the monster truck community. He's our Frank Sinatra."
"I also love dirt coming out of my eyes."
The Liberal Arts of Cars
The monster truck drivers introduce themselves not as racers, but as dancers and performers who represent the liberal arts of the automotive world, despite various facial disfigurements from flying tires.
"We're not racing. We're dancing."
"We are the liberal arts of cars."
"I hate that your lip is now connected to your nose."
Melvin and The Moss
Melvin describes his truck, 'The Moss,' which is terrifying because it is a slow-developing organism that runs at things. He reveals his family's legacy of driving Swamp, Wet, and Bog.
"My daddy drove swamp. My mommy drove wet."
"You thought moss was slow, you thought wrong."
"I know her from this thing called Facebook."
Harry Hart's Grocery Store on Wheels
Harry Hart discusses his truck 'Shopping Spree,' which features Aldi-sponsored components and a signature move where he feeds the front row dirt as a 'free sample.'
"My balls are presented by Aldi."
"I drive like I'm a freaking grocery store going out of business."
"That kid got hit with pudding and he fell down."
The Haunted Brothers and the Spider Mo-Truck
The Haunted Brothers reveal their existential trucks and the tragic backstory of their mother, Ethel Spider, who was killed by a high-velocity pumpkin pie.
"We are the haunted brothers."
"She got hit so hard with a pumpkin pie, she went flying."
"My brother's truck is very existential fear."
Legendary Trucks and the Anti-Pixar Movement
The panel reminisces about legendary trucks like 'Lofah' and 'Angel Baby,' leading to a heated discussion about why Pixar's 'Cars' is problematic and needs to be shut down.
"I'm trying to get Pixar removed."
"Nothing like a monster truck rally wedding."
"We don't use the eyes in the headlights."
Retirement Plans and Aquarium Jail
Harry Hart contemplates retirement and reminisces about the group's tradition of fishing in every city, which once led to Melvin being detained in an 'aquarium jail' after snagging an otter.
"We had to pick you up from that aquarium jail."
"I snagged an otter."
"Most people can only monster truck until they're what, 80, 90 years old."
Gasoline, Babies, and Pismo Beach
The Driver of the Spider Mo-Truck reveals her love for the smell of gasoline and her sudden realization that she wants to have a baby and marry Mary Beth in Pismo Beach.
"I love gasoline and I think I want to have a baby."
"We've been living together for about 12 years."
"I'm asking her this weekend in Pismo Beach."
The AFV Vixens and the Boob Curse
The Driver of A Shadow reveals his retirement plan involves attending a live taping of America's Funniest Home Videos, while Melvin explains a childhood curse that legally requires him to sign breasts.
"I have tickets to a live taping of America's Funniest Home Videos."
"A curse was put on my life when I was a kid taking swimming lessons."
"I don't want to sign babies anymore. Stop bringing them."
The Monster Truck Pledge and Final Farewells
The group recites their sacred pre-show pledge, which includes vows of celibacy and safety, before signing off with a chaotic series of plugs and a confused Dynasty Typewriter reference.
"Vroom vroom fuckity vroom."
"I pledge to wear a seat belt just in case there's a child in the audience."
"I won't have sex with any women tonight."
The Scissors Incident and Press Junket Paranoia
The Driver of A Shadow reveals they had to leave a grand opening ceremony because they overheard someone mocking the way they used the ceremonial scissors, leading to a discussion about respect at press junkets.
"Man, he's really making a meal of those scissors."
"I will not be disrespected at a press junket."
Bakersfield Accents and DMV Stunts
The drivers discuss their origins in Bakersfield and Oklahoma. The Driver of the Spider Mo-Truck reveals they were a DMV instructor who encouraged students to perform monster truck stunts during their driving tests.
"Drive up that ramp, that truck that looks like a ramp."
"These kids would be scared shitless, pissed themselves, shaking at the end of it."
Monster Truck Connections and Harvard Yard
The group discusses their CEO, Mustard Head, and his desire to appeal to the 'intelligentsia' by performing at Harvard and turning monster truck rallies into live games of NYT Connections and Wordle.
"We are doing a monster truck connections grid."
"Parking the car in Harvard yard, dude."
The Car That Takes a Shit
The drivers recount a special promotion for the Boys and Girls Club where they used set design to make a monster truck appear to defecate a smaller toy car into a dirt toilet.
"No, the car is not having a baby. It's taking a shit."
"They made a big pile of dirt look like a dirt toilet."