Calvin Coolidge
A veteran puppeteer and cousin of Jennifer Coolidge who has played Woolly for 50 years.
Highlight Bits & Quotes
10The Cajun Jelly Bean and Vulture Reviews
Patrick reveals his new character, Henri the Cajun Jelly Bean, while the group discusses a devastating Vulture review that turned on their puppet show.
"The thing about kids is they're fucked. They're fucked in the head."
"Our show can literally put pussy on screen and they won't know a fucking difference."
"I think Vulture reported on that."
"One of my other favorite puppets was of course Henri the Cajun jelly bean."
The Crocodile Tears and the Corporate Board
The group discusses their complicated corporate structure as a publicly traded nonprofit. They reveal how the puppeteers use 'crocodile tears' to manipulate shareholder meetings and shut down financial discussions.
"It really makes our shareholder meetings absolutely impossible."
"We've got two wings of the company. One is the nonprofit show and the other one is the for-profit."
"It just shuts down all discussion."
Fracking Freddy and the Open Cuss Draft
The creators explain how a private interest investment led to the character Fracking Freddy. They discuss their writing process, which involves an 'open cuss' first draft that accidentally aired without revision.
"Apparently we're raising a generation of frackers."
"We call it open cuss is the first draft."
"Don't lick my pussy, you dick fuck!"
Puppet of the Week: Mr. Coffee and the Car Plot
The team reviews 'Mr. Coffee,' a puppet that sounded like a South Park character and obsessed over cars. The production was derailed when a performer drove a real sedan into the studio, causing massive damages.
"Some of the best puppeteers can't give a marshmallow cheekbones."
"You want to ride the cars? I bet you fucking do."
"You had your sedan in here and billions in damages."
Woolly the Existential Mammoth
Calvin Coolidge introduces his character Woolly, a body-puppet mammoth who represents existential dread and the power of thought over matter.
"If you think it, it's already happened."
"I many times feel like I'm more comfortable inside a Woolly than I am outside."
Marcy the Gossip Bullet
Tammy Pammy describes her puppet Marcy, a literal bullet with heels and lipstick who delivers gossip at high velocity, leading to a legal threat against Lin-Manuel Miranda.
"She's a gossip bullet with big lipstick on her."
"If I can find any proof that Lin-Manuel Miranda has ever been to Kansas City, your ass is grass."
Ladybug with a Big Vage and the Rib Guy's Death
Jeremy introduces a controversial puppet, Ladybug with a Big Vage, leading to a dark revelation about the death of 'the rib guy' and his obsessive drawings.
"Do you guys want to hear me do Ladybug with a big vag?"
"We are the first children's public access show to ever lose our G rating."
Puppet Conflict Resolution and the Cal Arts Sting
The group uses a Cal Arts technique to resolve conflict through puppets, leading to the reveal that Wall-E is actually an undercover CIA operative.
"When in heavy conflict, sometimes it's easy to talk as your puppet."
"Wall-E's an undercover cop."
The Friendship Puppet and the Final Credits
Anna is hired as a founder for $36k a year with no benefits. The show concludes with a high-pitched 'Friendship Puppet' song and a visit from Tammy's husband.
"You're about to be paid $36,000 a year. No benefits."
"Best friends forever, the day goes so fast!"
The Puppeteers of Wally's Wacky World
The cast of a long-running Kansas City public access puppet show introduces themselves, immediately establishing a bizarre group dynamic where they throw their voices and share a group mind.
"Public assess is our group chat. It's bad. We do some mean memes in there."