Carmel Bythesea
The host of Artists on Artists on Artists on Artists.
Highlight Bits & Quotes
11Blynn's Starbucks Blindness
Blynn Clonesatz reveals her emotional instability and her habit of pretending to be blind at Starbucks whenever they misread her name on a cup as 'Blind,' viewing it as an 'actor's challenge.'
"Sometimes when they say 'Frappuccino for Blind,' I will pretend I'm blind."
"Peth not there. My favorite bathroom sign we have."
"I see his soon-to-be ex-wife at least four times a day."
"You said I want to be a kind of donkey. I want to be Bill Clinton."
Shakespearean Buddy Comedies and the Gargoyle Hamlet
The troupe pitches Shakespearean adaptations of modern films like 'When Harry Met Sally'. Richard LeFleur reveals his dream role is an 'evil gargoyle' version of Hamlet, leading to a physical performance of the character.
"The actor's body is a musician, it says, is the music."
"You always pitch old like buddy comedies."
"I'll haveth what she is having."
"I would love to be a little bit of a more evil Hamlet."
Blynn's Funnel Monologue and Bathroom Directing
Blynn delivers a profound, nonsensical 'funnel monologue' that ends in a spiritual discharge. Cedric is then forced to perform a monologue he was caught doing in a bathroom with a two-way mirror.
"Our lives as well become a nicker on a boy, a cut off pant."
"Out, brief candle. I got stage lights."
"Sometimes I wish I could kill your wife."
"I just wish you would end up murdered."
The Dark Place and the Scottish Play in a Diner
Cedric threatens to cancel rehearsal, causing the actors to spiral into personal revelations about their 'dark places' and family drama. They discuss a version of Macbeth set in a diner inspired by 'The Bear'.
"I'll probably go to a dark place, Cedric."
"My son is about to come out."
"He cheated on her so much."
The Tempest in Palm Springs and the Masthead Fit
Cedric announces a mid-century modern 'Tempest' set in Palm Springs. Richard LeFleur is cast as the ship's masthead, triggering a violent 'dancing fit' of artistic release that the others encourage.
"You lascivious codswallow!"
"No longer a gargoyle. Now you're a masthead."
"Let it run through your body!"
The Desperate Pet and Son Pitch
Titania and Carmel compete for Cedric's affection by offering to become his gay son or his dog with a fun tartan collar.
"I wish I was your gay son cuz I'm young."
"I wish I was your dog."
"See, is a fun collar. That little tartan one."
Exit Pursued by a Bear
The cast performs a chaotic, high-pitched vocal interpretation of the famous Shakespearean stage direction, ending the episode in a cacophony of screams.
"Exit stage left. Pursued by a bear."
"It's a nightingale!"
"It's so charming."
Carmel Bythesea and the Shakespearean Fridge Magnets
Carmel reveals she was discovered by a con man named Harry Molehill who sold Shakespeare classes door-to-door to distract the town from jukeboxes, inspired by her fridge magnet set.
"Shakespeare invented Order 73 sandwich for Order 73."
"It sounds like a con man. It sounds like the plot of The Music Man but with Shakespeare."
Mercury Poisoning and The Wicked Sisters' Apology
The actresses engage in a high-drama Shakespearean apology session after it's revealed one of them put mercury in the others' coffee, leading to three weeks of 'vile liquid' excrement.
"Mercury did course through my veins making my excrement come out as vile liquid."
"I do substrate myself and rip my ribs open to thee."
Creeps vs. Crepes and Minions Summer Night's Dream
A heated debate erupts over whether a line in Macbeth is 'creeps' or 'crepes'. The group then discusses their upcoming season, including a Minions-themed Shakespeare play where actors say 'banana' if they forget lines.
"I don't think it's crepes. I don't think we're at breakfast."
"If we can't remember our lines, we can just say banana."
The Bard's Podcast Stage
The hosts introduce a troupe of Shakespearean actors who believe the podcast is the modern equivalent of the Globe Theatre, using pseudo-Elizabethan language and debating if Lin-Manuel Miranda stole the 'round robin' from them.
"If he was here these days, he would say all the world is almost sometimes a podcast."
"Thy layest the rub."
"Lin-Manuel borrows from the Bard. SpongeBob borrows from the Bard."