Chuck Chester
stylist for straight actors who want to look hot, but not gay.
Highlight Bits & Quotes
14The Fashion Outcast's Poo-Poo Incident
Fashion Emily St. Clair reveals she was exiled from high fashion after a series of accidental bowel movements at major runway shows, including Gucci and Valentino, which she describes as a pinball machine of humiliation.
"I was kicked out of the high fashion world because I did a poo poo at the Gucci show."
"In effect I do-dooed in all of them making me an outcast in the fashion community."
"After it happened you changed your first name to Fashion to try to compensate."
The Tremblay Canoli and Jacob's Law
Marice Hem-Golashes describes dressing Jacob Tremblay in a flammable Turkish rug, leading to a red carpet fire and the subsequent 'Jacob's Law' requiring buckets of flour at all events.
"I rolled him in an actual carpet on the carpet so we just look like a cylinder walking."
"Vogue called it the Tremblay Canoli."
"We call it Jacob's Law now."
Senator Hem-Golashes and the Pothole Closets
The panel debates the infrastructure decisions of Marice's father, a Senator who allegedly creates highway potholes as underground closets for commuters to change clothes.
"He's adding potholes to the highways himself."
"What if the closet was under the ground?"
"I don't agree with it politically but it's fun to play whack-a-mole in it."
Chuck's Science of Hotness and the Zara Podcast
Chuck Chester explains his 'science' of making men look hot without looking 'too queer' and pitches his hyper-fast Zara Man podcast shot in the Sherman Islands.
"If they look hot they're going to look a little queer."
"I am doing a podcast produced by Zara Man. We shoot them really really fast."
"Every shot is a third of a second but it's just enough to get it."
The Celebrity Funeral Styling Game
Stone Rose Quartz leads a game where the stylists must dress celebrities for specific events, resulting in Chris Evans wearing clear plastic to a funeral.
"Chris Evans going to a funeral. Go!"
"The shirt must not touch his body yet sit on his shoulders."
"Black suit with a gun and red writing on the back saying I'm glad he's gone."
The Paradox of Disagreeing While Agreeing
The panel enters a recursive loop of 'completely disagreeing' with each other while actually stating the exact same points about the invisibility of their craft.
"I'm disagreeing with your point exactly."
"That's exactly what I said, and I fully disagree."
Marice Hem-Golashes and the Teen Invisibility Trend
Marice introduces her signature 'rubber shoe' trademark and her new focus on styling teenagers who want to be taken seriously by being completely unseen.
"My name is Marice, not to be confused with Maurice."
"The teens these days, they want to be unseen."
Stone Rose Quartz: Big, Bold, and Mean
Stone Rose Quartz explains his philosophy of 'mean' styling, taking credit for Anne Hathaway's early career and rebranding Young Sheldon to bully people first.
"I believe in three things: big, bold, and mean."
"Suits on a woman is mean."
Chuck Chester's 'No Homo' Styling for Straight Actors
Chuck Chester discusses his niche styling straight actors like Jacob Elordi, ensuring they look 'fuckable' without the threat of being hit on by their stylist.
"I work with all the hottest straight actors when they want to work with someone they know isn't gonna hit on them."
"Jacob Elordi is pinned at the top of my phone."
Miranda Magenta Klein: The Queen of Layers
Miranda discusses her long career, her retirement from red carpets due to global warming, and her current work styling Ina Garten in fireproof, oversized blouses.
"I hunt them with a rifle. I'll be in the Ann Taylor Loft and I'll be escorted out."
"I have no idea why she's called the Barefoot Contessa."
The Anatomy of a Fall Dog's Machete Attack
Marice Hem-Golashes describes dressing the dog from Anatomy of a Fall, who allegedly attacked her with a machete. The group performs a dramatic reenactment of the 911 call where the operator is unhelpfully focused on blood types.
"He pierced me with a machete because I wanted to put him in a skirt."
"What kind of blood is that? Red, A-positive, B-negative, or A-OK?"
The Galoshes Scandal Revealed
Chuck Chester exposes Marice's dark secret: she was the stylist responsible for Jennifer Lawrence's frequent red carpet falls because she insisted the actress wear galoshes. Marice eventually owns her role in making J-Law relatable.
"You were the stylist for Jennifer Lawrence in the era where she fell down a lot because she was wearing all those galoshes you were giving her."
"I am the reason why Jennifer Lawrence tripped so much during her award season."
The AOAOAOA Disclaimer Outro
The show's signature musical outro plays, featuring a rapid-fire disclaimer that the performers are 'stupid' and their improvised opinions do not reflect their actual beliefs.
"The opinions expressed on this podcast do not reflect the opinions of anyone who works on it, not even the performers, because this is an improvised podcast and we're stupid."
The Invisible Art of Hollywood Styling
The hosts introduce the episode's theme: the stylists who dress celebrities, focusing on the 'invisible' nature of their work and the process behind the clothes we see on screen.
"Buckle that belt, put on that vest, and let's listen in."