Clive Jay
Highlight Bits & Quotes
14Coding Time with Glitter Fan-Cams
Rolf describes his film '40 Nights,' which uses a complex color-coding system to denote time, including 'glitter fan-cam' for scenes open to interpretation.
"If it is open to interpretation, we are doing glitter fan-cam."
"It is very difficult to light for fan-cam."
The Logistical Nightmare of Pluck
Glitter explains the production of her film 'Pluck,' which was shot on a single Adobe camera that also housed the entire marketing and sound departments, leading to an 8-year shoot.
"All the marketing and all the posters were in Photoshop on that camera."
"The movie took eight years."
Clive Jay's Nissan Propaganda and Nepo Baby Reveal
Clive Jay introduces his film 'Every Car Can Cry,' which Rolf Jenkins identifies as blatant Nissan propaganda. Clive admits his parents are Mel Brooks and Anne Bancroft.
"It was basically one long Nissan commercial."
"My dad is Mel Brooks and my mom is Anne Bancroft."
AFI Kindergarten: Kids Doing Coke
The panel reviews a clip from Clive Jay's student film made during a kindergarten program, featuring children acting out drug deals and smoking after sex.
"Teacher gave it to me to read with my nose."
"I smoke cigarettes after sex all day."
The DP Panic Song Countdown
Clive Jay performs a song taught at AFI Junior to help cinematographers cope with panic, which involves a literal two-minute countdown from 120.
"Step outside and touch your shoe."
"120, 119, 118, 117..."
Lighting the Human Brain
Clive Jay recounts a difficult director's request to push a camera into an actor's brain, leading to a discussion about the feasibility of using shrink-ray technology or trained praying mantises to light the skull.
"We can't light a brain. There's no light in a skull. It's dark in there."
"You know what's more useless than a DP who has COVID? A praying mantis with a camera."
Cinematographer Sex Tapes
The DPs admit they can't stop thinking about shots even during sex, leading to complaints from partners about hyper-fixating on hand placement, lighting, and requests for more haze.
"My problem with my husband is when I ask for more haze during sex."
"She says, 'Hey, look at my tits! Focus on what you're supposed to be doing down there!'"
The Hatred of Faces and First Software
Rolf Jenkins explains why she finds human faces hideous and prefers 'inserts' of hands and feet. The panel discusses their attachment to early software like KidPix and Photo Booth.
"I think that faces are hideous. They suck. They're so boring."
"I show up with a pen and a paper and KidPix on my computer and we do it there."
The Lice Desert and the Non-Union Mantis
Sam Doug Cipher describes his desire to film his children's lice with a tiny jib, comparing hair to desert sand, and complains about non-union praying mantises.
"What's worse than a praying mantis? A non-union praying mantis."
"When you get that close, hair is kind of like sand in a desert."
Fuck, Marry, Kill: Shot Types
The panel plays a high-stakes game of Fuck, Marry, Kill with the Wide Shot, Two Shot, and Close Up, leading to a heated argument about children.
"You got to fuck the wide shot, right? It's so delicious to me."
"I'm going to be marrying the close-up because I want to wake up next to that my whole life."
The 120-Second Countdown Song
Clive Jay finishes a grueling 120-second countdown song that serves as a meditative tool for cinematographers to re-establish their 'ones' and manage anxiety attacks on set.
"Traditional anxiety attack remedies don't work on DPs right? Because as soon as you start with five things you could see, it's like ah more panic!"
AFI Kindergarten and the GoPro Tornado
The panel discusses the rigors of AFI Kindergarten and Rolf Jenkins' disastrous experience filming a Weather Channel documentary inside a tornado using a ring of GoPros around her head.
"I felt like I was a tripod. I was no longer a cinematographer in that moment, I was a tripod caught in a storm."
The Proposal: Austria
Glitter reveals she won an Oscar for a remake of The Proposal set in Vienna, which Clive remembers as 'The Proposal: Austria.'
"I got my Oscar for when we redid The Proposal with Sandra Bullock but in Vienna."
The DP Roundtable Roll-Call
Host Clive Jay introduces a panel of Oscar-nominated cinematographers who immediately begin bickering over camera brands and the logistical nightmare of the 'Adobe Camera.'
"Cinematographers, also known as directors of photography, and they're also known as DPs."
"Is it Adobe or I walk?"