Cinematographers Spill Movie Secrets
Cast & Characters (4)
Bits & Timeline (18)
The DP Roundtable Roll-Call
Host Clive Jay introduces a panel of Oscar-nominated cinematographers who immediately begin bickering over camera brands and the logistical nightmare of the 'Adobe Camera.'
"Cinematographers, also known as directors of photography, and they're also known as DPs."
"Is it Adobe or I walk?"
The Michigan Boomerang
Rolf Jenkins explains his convoluted immigration history, moving from Norway to Michigan just to acquire a more American-sounding last name before returning to Oslo.
"Michigan is the new Ellis Island for Scandinavian people."
Coding Time with Glitter Fan-Cams
Rolf describes his film '40 Nights,' which uses a complex color-coding system to denote time, including 'glitter fan-cam' for scenes open to interpretation.
"If it is open to interpretation, we are doing glitter fan-cam."
"It is very difficult to light for fan-cam."
The Logistical Nightmare of Pluck
Glitter explains the production of her film 'Pluck,' which was shot on a single Adobe camera that also housed the entire marketing and sound departments, leading to an 8-year shoot.
"All the marketing and all the posters were in Photoshop on that camera."
"The movie took eight years."
The Academy's Sand Inspection and Snake Obsessions
Sam Doug Cipher explains that the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences sends a representative to check cameras for sand. Glitter reveals she had sex with her representative after a 'sand movie.'
"I found a way in because I was really good at cleaning sand out of things."
"I can keep a camera clean from sand."
"I got fucked so hard by my Academy rep once when I did a sand movie."
"No, we just had good sex. Got fucked so hard."
Clive Jay's Nissan Propaganda and Nepo Baby Reveal
Clive Jay introduces his film 'Every Car Can Cry,' which Rolf Jenkins identifies as blatant Nissan propaganda. Clive admits his parents are Mel Brooks and Anne Bancroft.
"It was basically one long Nissan commercial."
"My dad is Mel Brooks and my mom is Anne Bancroft."
AFI Kindergarten: Kids Doing Coke
The panel reviews a clip from Clive Jay's student film made during a kindergarten program, featuring children acting out drug deals and smoking after sex.
"Teacher gave it to me to read with my nose."
"I smoke cigarettes after sex all day."
The 'Shart' Meltdown and DP Panic
Sam Doug Cipher accidentally says 'shart' instead of 'shot,' leading to a massive argument about his parenting. Glitter identifies this as a 'DP Panic.'
"To say shart in an interview is only someone who'd be the father of four blowjobs!"
"I start the shot! Shut the fuck up!"
The DP Panic Song Countdown
Clive Jay performs a song taught at AFI Junior to help cinematographers cope with panic, which involves a literal two-minute countdown from 120.
"Step outside and touch your shoe."
"120, 119, 118, 117..."
The 120-Second Countdown Song
Clive Jay finishes a grueling 120-second countdown song that serves as a meditative tool for cinematographers to re-establish their 'ones' and manage anxiety attacks on set.
"Traditional anxiety attack remedies don't work on DPs right? Because as soon as you start with five things you could see, it's like ah more panic!"
AFI Kindergarten and the GoPro Tornado
The panel discusses the rigors of AFI Kindergarten and Rolf Jenkins' disastrous experience filming a Weather Channel documentary inside a tornado using a ring of GoPros around her head.
"I felt like I was a tripod. I was no longer a cinematographer in that moment, I was a tripod caught in a storm."
Lighting the Human Brain
Clive Jay recounts a difficult director's request to push a camera into an actor's brain, leading to a discussion about the feasibility of using shrink-ray technology or trained praying mantises to light the skull.
"We can't light a brain. There's no light in a skull. It's dark in there."
"You know what's more useless than a DP who has COVID? A praying mantis with a camera."
Cinematographer Sex Tapes
The DPs admit they can't stop thinking about shots even during sex, leading to complaints from partners about hyper-fixating on hand placement, lighting, and requests for more haze.
"My problem with my husband is when I ask for more haze during sex."
"She says, 'Hey, look at my tits! Focus on what you're supposed to be doing down there!'"
The Hatred of Faces and First Software
Rolf Jenkins explains why she finds human faces hideous and prefers 'inserts' of hands and feet. The panel discusses their attachment to early software like KidPix and Photo Booth.
"I think that faces are hideous. They suck. They're so boring."
"I show up with a pen and a paper and KidPix on my computer and we do it there."
The Proposal: Austria
Glitter reveals she won an Oscar for a remake of The Proposal set in Vienna, which Clive remembers as 'The Proposal: Austria.'
"I got my Oscar for when we redid The Proposal with Sandra Bullock but in Vienna."
Tragedy in the Nightclub
The panel discusses the artistic merit of filming a rat crying in a nightclub due to a chemical alcohol reaction.
"I saw a rat cry in a nightclub and oh my God I wish what I would have given to shoot a short film about that."
The Lice Desert and the Non-Union Mantis
Sam Doug Cipher describes his desire to film his children's lice with a tiny jib, comparing hair to desert sand, and complains about non-union praying mantises.
"What's worse than a praying mantis? A non-union praying mantis."
"When you get that close, hair is kind of like sand in a desert."
Fuck, Marry, Kill: Shot Types
The panel plays a high-stakes game of Fuck, Marry, Kill with the Wide Shot, Two Shot, and Close Up, leading to a heated argument about children.
"You got to fuck the wide shot, right? It's so delicious to me."
"I'm going to be marrying the close-up because I want to wake up next to that my whole life."