Daniel Curtain
Spencer Douglas, Rick Flag, Louis Bencour, Mrs. Fields, David Gonzon, Regina the Acting Queen, Rick The Guy, Samantha Balfour, Gustaf, Tommy Douglas, Roderick Douglas, Robot Billy Douglas, Leticia Morph, Jonathan Crew, Raspberry, Terry, an Academy voter, Connor Gonlarb, May, Skylar, Vincent, Daryl Squib, Austin Tornado, Violet, Victoria, Wandala Scandala, Glen Fitch, Delilah, Woody, Dade, Nasty Leonard, Regina, Amy Rishard, Nathaniel, Randy Rainbow, Brody, Chapter 27, Dana Whitsett, Cedric, David, Joel, Roy, Dardine, John, the La Crescenta Ralph Mandoo, Limpet Concongo, the H in the Hollywood Sign, Vivi N., Cornelius, Charles Lumière, David Dentist, Travis, and Victoria.
Highlight Bits & Quotes
20The Agent with a Cookie and Al Pacino's Skin
Introductions conclude with an agent who is too busy eating a cookie to sign anyone and a motion capture artist who has been the 'skin' for Al Pacino for 70 years.
"I'm an agent with a cookie."
"They put a skin over me, a CGI skin."
"I'm Sarah. I work for the government, and you've been served."
"The mystery is what I do and who I am."
The Wordsmith Feather Pen and the Soprano House
A writer with a confusing name explains the 'Feather Pen' distinction for high-volume writing, while Vincent complains about fans leaving ducks at his house, which was used in The Sopranos.
"Stop putting little ducks in my front yard."
"If you hit your 2 millionth word in a year, you get sent to feather pen."
"I drive a Toyota Corolla shaped like an Expedition."
The Ocean's 11 Pitch Suicide
Two aspiring filmmakers pitch a version of Ocean's 11 with girls, only to commit suicide upon learning that Ocean's 8 already exists.
"What if Oceans 11 was girls?"
"They've done that."
"I can't live in a world without my brother."
The Inventor of Charades and Jeremiah the Prophet
A series of rapid-fire character introductions including Charlie, who accidentally invented charades while trying to watch a movie with loud music, and Jeremiah the Prophet, who is now a name-dropping club owner in West Hollywood.
"My name is is Charlie and I invented charades."
"Jeremiah the prophet. A little bit of a name dropper."
"My name is Forever 21 and I invented the store Forever 21."
Robert Sisbad and the Definition of an Artist
Angela introduces Robert Sisbad, the brother of Sinbad, who assists him with mail and agent needs. The group eventually decides that the true definition of an artist is simply someone who helps their brother.
"My name is Robert Sisbad."
"An artist is someone who helps their brother, right?"
"Sometimes you only know who you are when someone tells you who you are."
Randy Rainbow's Political Parodies
Patrick introduces himself as political comedian Randy Rainbow, leading to a series of pitches for COVID-era musical parodies involving Joe Biden, Donald Trump, and Nancy Pelosi.
"I'm Randy Rainbow and I'm a political comedian."
"Wear a mask. Wear a mask on your face so you don't get sick."
"If there's any politicians here, let me know. I'll roast you."
The LA Street Name Writers Room
The panel reveals they are the writers responsible for naming streets in Los Angeles, admitting they got lazy and used their own names or rejected absurd titles like 'Piss Ass Street'.
"Warner Brothers did a deal with LA in 1904 to hire a writer room every year to name the new streets."
"Piss ass street."
"Better Call Saul Lane."
The 200 Person Panel: Rapid Fire Introductions
The performers cycle through a dizzying array of bizarre characters to reach their goal of 200 panelists, including a donut hole truck owner, a choir director for 'good boys', and a bug that gives Martin Scorsese ideas.
"I am a bug who sits upon Martin Scorsese's head and gives him ideas."
"All bugs last names are bugs. It's in our culture that is the naming convention."
Hollywood Ghosts and Lookalikes
The panel introduces Peter Fitzgerald, a ghost from Hollywood and Vine who needs a 'bringer' audience to stay in his haunting spot, and Dennis Travis, a man whose only personality trait is looking like Penn Badgley.
"I'm the ghost of myself."
"I need four people to come. Otherwise, I can't be there anymore."
The Douglas Family Roll Call
The performers rapidly introduce all twelve members of the family that 'Cheaper by the Dozen' was based on, including two different Franks, a robot, and a girl named 'Girl Skater'.
"There's two Franks. There's two different."
"You were adopted. I already had a name. We can't change your name."
The Backflip Twin Tragedy
Stizz and Stars, the backflip twins who aren't actually related, attempt a stunt that results in a fatal chandelier accident, causing the panel character count to drop.
"The chandelier went into his throat."
"All 200 characters to count must be alive by the end of the panel."
The Weatherman Boy Band Tragedy
A boy band that performs the weather is introduced, but they are immediately killed by the falling knives from the ceiling, resulting in another major character count reduction.
"Partly 70 with a chance of rain."
"Subtract four characters."
Young Sasquatch and the 15-Year Anxiety Attack
Glenn Fitch pitches a spin-off in the Young Sheldon universe about a confused Sasquatch, followed by Tabitha Tina Poppy, who has been having a continuous anxiety attack for over a decade.
"I'm creating Young Sasquatch in this Young Sheldon universe."
"I am having Hollywood's biggest anxiety attack. It's been going on for 15 years."
Poop Squad: The Herald Improv Team
A group of eight improvisers called Poop Squad explains the history of the Harold form and performs a chaotic pattern game based on the suggestion 'milkshake' that ends in a Wendy's.
"We're Poop Squad. We are a Herald team."
"Wait, y'all. This is a Wendy's."
The Rapid-Fire Character Roll Call Begins
The panel shifts into a high-speed introduction of bizarre Hollywood archetypes, including a cue card guy, a location scout for 'Hacks', and a white flamenco instructor who is also a Chase banker.
"I am the white flamenco instructor at the middle of the central theater group."
"I'M A CHASE BANKER."
Studio Princesses and Corporate Crimes
Introductions continue with a 'Studio Princess' hired to boost morale for grumpy executives and a version of Jeff Bezos who openly admits to committing crimes and tries to hit on the other panelists.
"I am a princess to the studios."
"I have a lot of money. I am committing lots of crimes."
The Ralph Mando Multiverse
The performers introduce the concept of 'Ralph Mandos,' neighborhood vibe-guards who exist in every part of LA and communicate via an exclusive, confusing GroupMe.
"Every neighborhood in Los Angeles has a Ralph Mando."
"We sort of guard the vibes of the city."
The H of the Hollywood Sign Speaks
The final introductions include a makeup artist for telemarketers and the literal letter 'H' from the Hollywood sign, who has been watching the industry from the hill for years.
"I'm the H of the Hollywood sign and I wanted to say hello."
"They're doing a big foundation hole right here."
Maserati Wishbone: The Hollywood Car
Kylie portrays a sentient car that drives celebrities between the West Side and East Side, eventually meeting a tragic end by driving off a cliff.
"My name is Maserati Wishbone and I am a Hollywood car."
"Remember me for who I drove."
The Kimono vs. Curtain Rivalry
Vivienne, the inventor of the long draping kimono, confronts her old rival Daniel Curtain. They shared a mentor but went in different directions: stages versus bodies.
"I went to stages, you went to bodies."
"It's just like Grand Budapest Hotel."