Dougie (Nature Documentarian)
A grumpy, introverted sedentary camera operator who hates crew noise and interference with nature.
Highlight Bits & Quotes
13Yasified Animals and Generation Alpha
The team discusses the pressure from producers to use Facetune on nature cameras to create 'Yasified' animals, including ants with makeup and tarantulas with smoky eyes, to appeal to younger viewers.
"There are some producers that are forcing me to put Facetune on my cameras to make kind of Yasified animals."
"Imagine like a smokey eye tarantula."
"Doesn't it show ants to a new generation? These kids, this generation alpha."
The Buffalo Mohel and Snake Priest
Khaki's side hustles are revealed, including her work as a priest for snake weddings, a mohel for buffalo circumcisions using a chainsaw, and a notary for ladybugs.
"You taught the snakes religion and I thought that was honestly inappropriate."
"You do a lot of brisses for buffalo. Fairly easy. You can do those with a chainsaw."
"If a ladybug needs a notarized document and a human's going to be speciesist, then I need to offer that service."
The Team's Vulnerable 'Dragging' Confessions
The documentary crew shares emotional insecurities about who 'drags down' the team, ranging from sleeping with boom mics to intrusive thoughts about slapping drones.
"I feel like I sometimes drag down the team."
"What if I hold the drone and fly up with it?"
"We can only fly so free because you're there to hold us down."
The Spider Cameraman Standoff
The team spots a spider acting as a cameraman. Khaki engages in 'Vaudeville bullying' with the arachnid before it disappears into her clothing.
"He's acting like a cameraman."
"Khaki's doing that weird vaudevillian bullying thing again."
"It's in my butt."
The Celebrity Narrator Clips
The team reviews footage narrated by various celebrities, including a thirsty Steve-O describing a dying elephant and Joe Biden discussing anacondas in the rainforest.
"That elephant's freaking dying, dog. Oh no."
"Come on, Jack. There's an anaconda."
Dougie's Underwater Cussing Fit
The team plays a clip of Dougie strapped to a sea lion in a kelp forest, where the stunning visuals are ruined by his constant, rhythmic mumbling of profanities and the phrase 'big titty bitch'.
"Big titty bitch. Big titty bitch fuck. Big titty bitch fuck fuck fuck shit bitty."
"He only talks about big titty bitch when he's really mad."
The Hawk Who Recommended Soda
Dougie recounts a lost clip of a hawk that spoke to him mid-conversation, assuming he was someone else, and recommended a specific brand of soda.
"He said like, 'I tried that soda by the way.'"
"It means there's somebody out there that knows that this hawk can talk and suggested a soda."
Khaki's Viral Landslide and Vaudeville Bullying
Khaki reveals she once tied rigs to the team's ankles to simulate a 'mating avalanche' for a tornado snake, leading to a viral video and physical trauma.
"I tie rigs around everyone's ankles and drag them down a hill so that we can create a landslide."
"You both physically dragged us down and you dragged us in the comments."
Dougie the Grumpy Cam Op
Dougie, a sedentary camera operator, complains about the noise of the crew and his strict adherence to not interfering with nature, despite the others eating loud Doritos.
"You clear Serengetis with that Dorito crunch."
The Ostrich Cop Incident
Khaki clarifies that while she did waterboard an ostrich to death, it was an 'accident' resulting from the bird's refusal to reveal its contacts during a legal interrogation.
"It was an accident that I waterboarded it to death, but the water boarding was instigated because the ostrich was not telling me key information."
Sentinel Island and Transformers
Adrian explains how he gained access to the uncontacted Sentinel Island tribe by simply waving and showing them the Transformers movies on his iPad, leading them to attempt building their own Transformer.
"I think they're going to build a transformer. It seems not even a car just straight to transformer."
Orca Dialects and Pandemic Hobbies
Khaki reveals she spent the COVID-19 pandemic teaching herself four distinct orca pod dialects, demonstrating the difference between a Seattle 'hey' and an Arctic 'what's up'.
"I had spent the summer during covid teaching myself four pod dialects."
Nature Documentary Team Introduction
The hosts introduce the theme of nature documentaries, highlighting the extreme lengths filmmakers go to, including 'kissing the lens while you're asleep.'
"How to kiss the lens while you're asleep."