Douglass David Williams Fairbanks
an actor ghost haunting The Rialto
Highlight Bits & Quotes
8Douglass Fairbanks and the Youth Theater Nightmare
Douglass Fairbanks laments that his former prestigious theater is now home to a youth theater program where he is forced to haunt 14-year-olds performing Legally Blonde Jr. while wearing a Footloose t-shirt.
"Now I walk around with a disembodied t-shirt of Footloose the Musical."
"I watch from the wings as 14-year-olds from Altadena do Legally Blonde Jr."
The Charades of the Unfinished Joke
The panel attempts to help Ben the Bean find his punchline through a game of charades, leading to the discovery that his final words were likely 'tough crowd' after being shot on stage.
"If it doesn't come from my brain, it won't work."
"Rough, tough... crowd! Tough crowd!"
Yvette's Malicious 'Pranks'
Yvette describes her 'fun' tricks, which include possessing the director to force showgirls into humiliating clown routines and tripping them until they break their legs, which she insists is just innocent sibling-style mischief.
"I am tripping girls so they break their legs."
"It sounds like every little trick you're doing is being perceived as malicious."
Hand on My Head: The Ghost TV Pitch
Gabby attempts to pitch a TV show based on his high school ghost life, featuring a repetitive and confusing physical bit called 'Hand on My Head.' The other ghosts struggle to understand the rules or the humor of the bit.
"Hand on my head, yeah. Hand on my head, yeah."
"I'm trying to create enough IP around my ghost to pitch a TV show."
The Macbeth Curse and 'That Guy'
Yvette intentionally says 'Macbeth' in the theater, horrifying Douglass. Douglass explains that during his production at the Old Globe, he was so superstitious he forced everyone to refer to him only as 'That Guy.'
"Everyone just called me 'That Guy.'"
"Did they call her 'Lady That Guy'?"
Gabby's High School Ghost Clique
Gabby reveals that his theater is connected to a high school, allowing him to hang out with a clique of teenage ghosts. He admits to lying to the students by pretending to be psychic and reading their minds during Ouija sessions.
"They kind of think I'm like some sort of psychic just because I'm a ghost."
Ben the Bean's Final Punchlines
Ben the Bean is finally freed from his curse and allowed to speak. He spends his final moments on Earth rapidly firing off the punchlines to every joke he was unable to finish during the episode before disappearing to hell.
"Hell, because I have a big ass!"
The Theater Ghosts Assemble
The hosts introduce a panel of theater ghosts: Ben the Bean, a stand-up comedian stuck in a comedy lab; Yvette, a burlesque ghost; and Douglass David Williams Fairbanks, a legendary actor of the stage and screen.
"I cannot leave this theater until I find my punchline."
"I am a spooky French ghost and I hunt the burlesque theater."