Dr. Spooky
A children's Halloween poet known for 'Goodnight Boo' and 'Goodnight Pumpkin'.
Highlight Bits & Quotes
10The Vibe Tax Exemption and Manta Ray Romano
Gordon Hayward explains his tax-free 'vibe' status before the group discusses the legendary underwater comedian Manta Ray Romano and his signature mother-in-law jokes.
"Ideally they build a church to my vibe."
"I am finally tax-free. I don't have to pay taxes on my vibe."
"Manta Ray Romano's signature joke, more like monster in claw."
Skeleton Brimblebones' Fiscal Quarter Poetry
Skeleton Brimblebones performs a series of poems structured around the financial quarters of the year, including a 'spooky O' in Cabo and the horrors of first scary grade.
"I personally took one to Cabo. Oh, no."
"I walk into first scary grade."
"There's a Halloween in the morning, a Halloween in the evening, and a Halloween in my own head."
The Second Tense of Barry
Dr. Spooky reads a poem titled 'I Know Where the Sidewalk Gets Scary' and reveals that in his literary universe, the reader is always named Barry.
"It's in your heart. It's in your heart, Barry."
"Who the hell is Barry?"
"You wrote this in second tense, Barry."
The Final Photo and Showbiz Sign-off
The panel attempts to take a promotional photo for Variety, resulting in a chaotic, screaming tableau before the hosts sign off for the night.
"Now that's why we call it show business."
"Good night, Hollywood."
"Happy Halloween!"
In Memoriam: Fallen Halloween Poets
The panel pays tribute to the Halloween poets lost this year, including Scandal Scooby, Scare Jessica Sharker, and the Jonas Boothers who died in a pumpkin accident.
"We lost the Jonas Boothers. I can't believe they all died in that big pumpkin accident."
"For me a ghoul became a sister. Not a monster."
The Great Christmas Poet Rivalry
The Halloween poets reveal they are being hunted by Christmas poets who steal their work, specifically besmirching Walt Whitman and John Steinbeck (Spineback).
"There are people who would wish us harm and they are the Christmas poets."
"They took a song of myself and that's Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas."
Nepo Rabies and Steven Spielboog
The panel decries 'nepo rabies' in the industry, leading Dr. Spooky to admit his father is actually Steven Spielboog, despite his attempts to hide it with a spooky name change.
"I'll take a shotgun out and shoot a nepo rabies if I see one."
"My dad is Steven Spielboog."
Broad Wastes and Slender Man: The Musical
Skin-Manuel Terroranda discusses his work on 'Broad Wastes' and the creation of Slender Man, which he claims was inspired by a creepy guy waiting for a bathroom.
"I was in Oh Scary. Scary Todd Skinken."
"Just like the mummy, he's young scrappy and mummy."
The Cowboy Poet and 'Oh, The Places You'll Boo'
Buster Nut Thomas IV reads a minimalist poem about his cowboy father before Dr. Spooky reads his Dr. Seuss-inspired masterpiece about the bones of dessert.
Variety's Top 10 Halloween Poets of 2025
The panel introduces themselves as the elite Halloween poets of 2025, discussing the prestige of the Variety list and the technicalities of 'extra flash' x-ray headshots.
"Can we clasp our finger bones together really quick?"
"That's where they get the x-ray. They release the x-ray headshots as well."