Halloween Poets of 2025 (with Jeremy Elder)
Cast & Characters (5)
Bits & Timeline (19)
Variety's Top 10 Halloween Poets of 2025
The panel introduces themselves as the elite Halloween poets of 2025, discussing the prestige of the Variety list and the technicalities of 'extra flash' x-ray headshots.
"Can we clasp our finger bones together really quick?"
"That's where they get the x-ray. They release the x-ray headshots as well."
Gordon Hayward's Ghostbusters Poem
Gordon Hayward explains that he wrote the Ghostbusters theme as a poem long before Ray Parker Jr. added music, and performs a 'concrete poem' reading of it.
"Bustin makes me feel good."
"Ray Parker Jr. was the one who turned it into a song. That had been a poem for years."
Skin-Manuel Terroranda's Slender Man Musical
Skin-Manuel discusses his revolutionary work bringing creepypastas to Broadway and performs a snippet from his hit Slender Man musical.
"How does a tall guy hiding in the woods find a little girl and steal her away?"
"I'm into grabbing kids so much it feels like a memory."
In Memoriam: Fallen Halloween Poets
The panel pays tribute to the Halloween poets lost this year, including Scandal Scooby, Scare Jessica Sharker, and the Jonas Boothers who died in a pumpkin accident.
"We lost the Jonas Boothers. I can't believe they all died in that big pumpkin accident."
"For me a ghoul became a sister. Not a monster."
The Vibe Tax Exemption and Manta Ray Romano
Gordon Hayward explains his tax-free 'vibe' status before the group discusses the legendary underwater comedian Manta Ray Romano and his signature mother-in-law jokes.
"Ideally they build a church to my vibe."
"I am finally tax-free. I don't have to pay taxes on my vibe."
"Manta Ray Romano's signature joke, more like monster in claw."
The Great Christmas Poet Rivalry
The Halloween poets reveal they are being hunted by Christmas poets who steal their work, specifically besmirching Walt Whitman and John Steinbeck (Spineback).
"There are people who would wish us harm and they are the Christmas poets."
"They took a song of myself and that's Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas."
Nepo Rabies and Steven Spielboog
The panel decries 'nepo rabies' in the industry, leading Dr. Spooky to admit his father is actually Steven Spielboog, despite his attempts to hide it with a spooky name change.
"I'll take a shotgun out and shoot a nepo rabies if I see one."
"My dad is Steven Spielboog."
The Cowboy Poet and 'Oh, The Places You'll Boo'
Buster Nut Thomas IV reads a minimalist poem about his cowboy father before Dr. Spooky reads his Dr. Seuss-inspired masterpiece about the bones of dessert.
Sydney Sweeney's Skeleton Jeans Ad
Skeleton Brimblebones addresses the controversy surrounding her Sydney Sweeney jeans commercial, explaining that using a skeleton model removes the distraction of skin.
"If you have a skeleton model the jeans, it's very clear what you're selling."
"My jeans are bones, my eeks are boo."
Broad Wastes and Slender Man: The Musical
Skin-Manuel Terroranda discusses his work on 'Broad Wastes' and the creation of Slender Man, which he claims was inspired by a creepy guy waiting for a bathroom.
"I was in Oh Scary. Scary Todd Skinken."
"Just like the mummy, he's young scrappy and mummy."
Gordon Hayward's Ghostbusters Plagiarism
Gordon Hayward reveals his 'original' award-nominated poetry, which turns out to be the lyrics to Ghostbusters with 'ghosts' replaced by 'mummies' and 'witches'.
"If there's something creepy lurking in your tomb who you going to call? Mummy Punchers."
"Busted makes me feel good."
The Halloween Word Workshop
The poets attempt to workshop everyday words like 'dishwasher' and 'tumbleweed' into spooky equivalents, leading to increasingly nonsensical results like 'piss watcher'.
"Nothing scarier than somebody watching you pee."
"That's a Halloween pervert."
Skeleton Brimblebones' Fiscal Quarter Poetry
Skeleton Brimblebones reads a series of poems based on the second fiscal quarter, featuring 'Eekster Christ' and the realization that cones are the bones of ice cream.
"Eekster Christ, that day he rose."
"Cones are the bones of ice cream."
Slender Man's Broadway Lullaby
Skin-Manuel Terroranda performs a moving lyrical poem about Slender Man finding his 'Slender baby' and stealing kids together in the big woods.
"We'll steal some kids together."
"That's when Slender Man loses his son."
Skeleton Brimblebones' Fiscal Quarter Poetry
Skeleton Brimblebones performs a series of poems structured around the financial quarters of the year, including a 'spooky O' in Cabo and the horrors of first scary grade.
"I personally took one to Cabo. Oh, no."
"I walk into first scary grade."
"There's a Halloween in the morning, a Halloween in the evening, and a Halloween in my own head."
Gordon Hayward's Stream of Consciousness
Gordon Hayward shares unpolished, therapeutic free-writing that devolves into a rhythmic chant about 'Bustin' making him feel good.
"This is untethered scream of consciousness."
"Am I the loneliest man in the world?"
"But Bustin makes me feel so good."
The Loch Ness Monster Hip-Hop Musical Pitch
Skin-Manuel Terroranda pitches and performs a snippet of his new hip-hop musical about the Loch Ness Monster, featuring 'drone writing' and a spooky legend.
"Lock me up. Lock lock me up."
"Water water water takes a son and takes a daughters."
"Loch Ness Monster played by Phillipa Boo."
The Second Tense of Barry
Dr. Spooky reads a poem titled 'I Know Where the Sidewalk Gets Scary' and reveals that in his literary universe, the reader is always named Barry.
"It's in your heart. It's in your heart, Barry."
"Who the hell is Barry?"
"You wrote this in second tense, Barry."
The Final Photo and Showbiz Sign-off
The panel attempts to take a promotional photo for Variety, resulting in a chaotic, screaming tableau before the hosts sign off for the night.
"Now that's why we call it show business."
"Good night, Hollywood."
"Happy Halloween!"