The Halloween Poets of 2024 (with Jeremy Elder)
Cast & Characters (5)
Bits & Timeline (18)
The Top 10 Halloween Poets of 2024
The hosts introduce the niche industry of Halloween Poets, celebrating their inclusion on Variety's prestigious Top 10 list, despite the magazine only having the budget to interview five of them at a time.
"Variety just announced their 2024 list of Halloween poets."
"It's crazy they never sit down with all 10 of us, they just do five at a time."
Witch Titch and the She-Edgar Legacy
Witch Titch introduces herself and her famous sister, She-Edgar She-Po, discussing their family legacy in Halloween poetry and her sister's upcoming 'Hallow-Barbenheimer' film project.
"She-Edgar She-Po is my older sister."
"I have an old soul and an old mouth."
Rupi Scar: The Snap Poet of Tumblr
Rupi Scar discusses his rise as a 'snap' poet on Tumblr and his commercial crossover into the 'Dead Space' section of the Headspace app, leading to a heated debate about Australia's proximity to Hell.
"Tumblr is kind of how I made my bread and butter and pumpkin seeds."
"You're just so much closer to hell."
Michelin Star: The Kendrick Lamar of Halloween Rap
Michelin Star defends his inclusion on the poetry panel as a rapper, claiming a poetic approach and revealing he gets paid exclusively in Halloween Horror Nights merchandise to avoid IRS audits.
"I'm a Michelin Star Halloween rapper."
"Legally speaking, we cannot be audited."
Skeleton Brimblebones: Tim Burton's Muse
Skeleton Brimblebones recounts her time living in Tim Burton's Burbank apartment and how being abandoned for 16 weeks inspired her triple-platinum poem about a goblin.
"I lived in Tim Burton's apartment in Burbank for a long time."
"Goblin, goblin, high and mighty, oh my god I've got a frighty."
"I've never been scared by a cookie."
"Next week your hard work will be for naught because you'll be offed."
Bloody Guthrie's Crow Masterclass
Bloody Guthrie introduces himself as a rural Texas man who teaches crows to speak so he doesn't have to write letters, leading to a discussion of his 6-hour Masterclass.
"I teach the crows how to tell you the letter so I don't have to write the letter."
"For a crow to pronounce the letter J is oh my God."
"I'm going to tell you one last fucking time."
Ancient Greek Halloween Tablets
The poets discuss the history of Halloween poetry, claiming ancient Greek tablets featured men complaining about the heat of their 'Ship of Theseus' costumes.
"His Ship of Theseus costume is too hot."
"It was kind of like if you would have dressed as the OceanGate."
Skeleton Brimblebones' Frighty Poetry
Skeleton Brimblebones shares a poem from her time dating a bucket and another skeleton, utilizing the non-word 'frighty' as a primary rhyme.
"You're reminding me of the time I dated a bucket."
"Good Lord Jesus, that's a frighty."
"Frighty is not a word as a noun too."
Mummy Bo Number Five
Michelin Star performs a Halloween-themed parody of Mambo No. 5 titled 'Mummy Bo Number Five,' featuring frantic last-minute lyrical revisions.
"A little bit of Boo-a all night long."
"I just realized a spookier word. It's not sun, it's moon."
"Nothing spookier than three X's in a row."
Witch Titch's Candy Lore
Witch Titch reads a poem about 'Mr. Snickers' and the Nestle corporation, leading to a dark tangent about Nestle's water rights.
"Mr. Snickers is here. Is he treating or tricking?"
"Research why Nestle sells water. Terrifying."
"The Skittle references virginity."
"Streaming took over Valentine's poetry and they basically throttled it."
Cowboy in the Dark and the Anti-National Park Agenda
Bloody Guthrie reads his Southwest-inspired poem 'Cowboy in the Dark,' leading to a reveal of his libertarian activism against the National Park Service.
"Someday this will be a national park."
"I just wish we could have that land to do what we want with it."
Rupi Scar's Existential Bedtime Poetry
Rupi Scar reads a terrifyingly emotional poem about a ghost leaving a girl in bed, revealing that he also illustrates Goosebumps covers using a single-line technique.
"You're a ghost, I'm a girl."
"I want to terrify people on an existential level."
The Spooky Pop Parody Medley
The poets share their Halloween-themed parodies of pop hits, including 'Stink Bony Club' (Pink Pony Club) and a Chappell Roan-style Sabrina Carpenter tribute.
"I lost my marbles at the Stink Bony Club."
"I am a freaking ghost."
The Kendrick Lamar Beef and the 'Deda-Pile of Bones'
Rupi Scar explains his beef with Kendrick Lamar, who allegedly called him a 'certified deda-pile of bones' in a diss track.
"Certified Halloween [ __ ] boy, certified deda-pile of bones."
Trojan Horsing Poetry into Active Shooter Drills
Bloody Guthrie reveals he makes money by booking elementary school assemblies under the guise of active shooter drills to 'Trojan Horse' in his folk poetry.
"I promote it as a shelter-in-place active shooter drill assembly to teach children."
"Skeletor-in-place, right?"
"Underneath it all is a soul, and what is a soul but an idea that haunts your bones?"
"It's an ugly bird that says breathe, and I was trying to remind myself to breathe, but the problem is I can never see it."
Starburst of a Dead Body
Samantha Bowl pitches her new brand deal with Starburst for a Halloween flavor where the only difference is that the pink candy is 'darker pink,' which the others insist is just red.
"I'm doing a deal with Starburst. Starburst of a dead body."
"The pink is a little darker. (That's red.) No, just a little darker pink."
The Exquisite Corpse Halloween Poem
The poets attempt a collaborative 'Exquisite Corpse' poem, resulting in a disjointed mess about ghosts, family-sized candy, and shaking winds, ending in an emotional breakdown of gratitude.
"Family size or fun size, that I won't knowst."
"Thank you so much man, because I wasn't going to be able to come up with one!"
The Skeleton's Final Warning
The group interviews the decorative skeleton in the tree, who delivers a gravelly-voiced rhyming warning to teenagers before the hosts sign off for 'Hallowood.'
"When you're just a mere teen, watch out for dead-o pile of bones and Happy Halloween!"