Jeremy Elder
Guest5 episodesJeremy Elder is a writer and comedian, and a regular guest and contributor on Artists on Artists on Artists on Artists. In addition to appearing in the second most episodes of any guest (after Kimia Behpoornia), he also acted as referee for the Twelve Weeks of Dance.
Characters
5
The #1 ranked Halloween poet who is technically only seven days old.
1 appearance
The original poet behind the Ghostbusters theme and a vibe-based missionary.
1 appearance
A platinum-selling Halloween rapper with a poetic approach to ghouls and midnights.
1 appearance
A working-class Halloween poet who focuses on commercial 'blockbuster' poems like 'The Happy Pumpkin' to feed his four children.
1 appearance
former drunk driver, prologue beatboxer and foley artist
1 appearanceHighlight Bits
20Skeleton Brimblebones' Emotional Fatherhood Poem
Skeleton Brimblebones reads a deeply vulnerable poem about discovering he is a father on Father's Day and the physical impossibility of playing catch without shattering his bones.
"Nothing scarier than finding out you're a father on Father's Day."
"If one errant ball hits the body, the whole thing is a big pile of bones."
"Can I step up to be the dad I want to eat?"
Saving Halloween Poetry from Variety Funding Cuts
After learning Variety might cut funding for Halloween poetry, the group frantically recites their best work, including a Shrek soundtrack parody and a stolen Roald Dahl book.
"Variety doesn't think there's enough money in Halloween poetry."
"All that glitters is bats."
"You're reading Roald Dahl over there. That's not even your book."
Halloween Astrology and the Lee Bra Worn by a Witch
The poets discuss their Halloween-specific zodiac signs, including 'Scary Sun,' 'Gem-Eyes,' and 'Virgo into the Graveyard.' Shel Silverscream identifies Boomoi's sign as a 'Lee Bra worn by a witch.'
"My rising from the dead sign is a Virgo into the graveyard."
"That means you're a Lee bra worn by a witch."
Boomoi's Precognitive Monster Mash Scandal
Boomoi reads a poem titled 'Last Night at the Monster Mash' that exposes scandalous secrets about the other guests, leading to accusations that he is a 'precog' spreading dangerous rumors.
"In the bathroom, Frankenstein is a werewolf."
"Rumors are how we know what's real and what's not."
Frankenstein's Monster: The Tall Nepo Baby
Frankenstein's Monster reads his debut poem, which focuses heavily on his height and firm handshake. The group discusses 'Halloween Nepo' allegations regarding his father's influence in the industry.
"Frankenstein, Frankenstein, so tall and green. Frankenstein, Frankenstein, not so mean."
"I don't think the Halloween nepo allegations are true."
Frankenstein's Monster Contemplates Height
Frankenstein's Monster reads a philosophical poem questioning if his identity is tied to his height and whether a short Frankenstein would still offer a plate of worms.
"What if Frankenstein was short? Would be scary, no?"
"Change is always different than what it is right now."
The Media Training Spell
Frankenstein's Monster attempts to dodge allegations of killing a girl in the woods by chanting 'media training' like a magical incantation to reset the conversation.
"Media training. Media training. Media training. I wasn't there. It's simple as that."
The Vibe Tax Exemption and Manta Ray Romano
Gordon Hayward explains his tax-free 'vibe' status before the group discusses the legendary underwater comedian Manta Ray Romano and his signature mother-in-law jokes.
"Ideally they build a church to my vibe."
"I am finally tax-free. I don't have to pay taxes on my vibe."
"Manta Ray Romano's signature joke, more like monster in claw."
Gordon Hayward's Stream of Consciousness
Gordon Hayward shares unpolished, therapeutic free-writing that devolves into a rhythmic chant about 'Bustin' making him feel good.
"This is untethered scream of consciousness."
"Am I the loneliest man in the world?"
"But Bustin makes me feel so good."
The Loch Ness Monster Hip-Hop Musical Pitch
Skin-Manuel Terroranda pitches and performs a snippet of his new hip-hop musical about the Loch Ness Monster, featuring 'drone writing' and a spooky legend.
"Lock me up. Lock lock me up."
"Water water water takes a son and takes a daughters."
"Loch Ness Monster played by Phillipa Boo."
The Final Photo and Showbiz Sign-off
The panel attempts to take a promotional photo for Variety, resulting in a chaotic, screaming tableau before the hosts sign off for the night.
"Now that's why we call it show business."
"Good night, Hollywood."
"Happy Halloween!"
Gordon Hayward's Ghostbusters Poem
Gordon Hayward explains that he wrote the Ghostbusters theme as a poem long before Ray Parker Jr. added music, and performs a 'concrete poem' reading of it.
"Bustin makes me feel good."
"Ray Parker Jr. was the one who turned it into a song. That had been a poem for years."
In Memoriam: Fallen Halloween Poets
The panel pays tribute to the Halloween poets lost this year, including Scandal Scooby, Scare Jessica Sharker, and the Jonas Boothers who died in a pumpkin accident.
"We lost the Jonas Boothers. I can't believe they all died in that big pumpkin accident."
"For me a ghoul became a sister. Not a monster."
The Great Christmas Poet Rivalry
The Halloween poets reveal they are being hunted by Christmas poets who steal their work, specifically besmirching Walt Whitman and John Steinbeck (Spineback).
"There are people who would wish us harm and they are the Christmas poets."
"They took a song of myself and that's Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas."
Nepo Rabies and Steven Spielboog
The panel decries 'nepo rabies' in the industry, leading Dr. Spooky to admit his father is actually Steven Spielboog, despite his attempts to hide it with a spooky name change.
"I'll take a shotgun out and shoot a nepo rabies if I see one."
"My dad is Steven Spielboog."
Sydney Sweeney's Skeleton Jeans Ad
Skeleton Brimblebones addresses the controversy surrounding her Sydney Sweeney jeans commercial, explaining that using a skeleton model removes the distraction of skin.
"If you have a skeleton model the jeans, it's very clear what you're selling."
"My jeans are bones, my eeks are boo."
Broad Wastes and Slender Man: The Musical
Skin-Manuel Terroranda discusses his work on 'Broad Wastes' and the creation of Slender Man, which he claims was inspired by a creepy guy waiting for a bathroom.
"I was in Oh Scary. Scary Todd Skinken."
"Just like the mummy, he's young scrappy and mummy."
Gordon Hayward's Ghostbusters Plagiarism
Gordon Hayward reveals his 'original' award-nominated poetry, which turns out to be the lyrics to Ghostbusters with 'ghosts' replaced by 'mummies' and 'witches'.
"If there's something creepy lurking in your tomb who you going to call? Mummy Punchers."
"Busted makes me feel good."
The Halloween Word Workshop
The poets attempt to workshop everyday words like 'dishwasher' and 'tumbleweed' into spooky equivalents, leading to increasingly nonsensical results like 'piss watcher'.
"Nothing scarier than somebody watching you pee."
"That's a Halloween pervert."
Skeleton Brimblebones' Fiscal Quarter Poetry
Skeleton Brimblebones reads a series of poems based on the second fiscal quarter, featuring 'Eekster Christ' and the realization that cones are the bones of ice cream.
"Eekster Christ, that day he rose."
"Cones are the bones of ice cream."