Eugene Capone
A storyteller who focuses on granular details and achieved fame in the 'gay man telling story circle.'
Highlight Bits & Quotes
9The Branded Story Challenge
Trey Mount challenges the panel to tell 'branded stories' where the product is hidden deep within a narrative, leading to a series of increasingly absurd and inappropriate commercial pitches.
"I told a story about hot Cheetos."
"I like to hide my branded stories pretty deep."
"If you could do a good job, you'll just sell the product on its own."
Eugene's McRib Chateau Romance
Eugene Capone tells a graphic story of a secret gay romance in a New Orleans chateau, only to reveal at the climax that the entire narrative was a lead-in for a McDonald's McRib advertisement.
"The first man I couldn't come unless I clasped his balls."
"I need to stop by and grab myself a McRib."
"He said meat. I said that's right, and I said not the kind you think."
Eugene's Hand-Perched Head and Hobby Lobby Fame
Eugene Capone explains that he perches his head on his hand because everything he has achieved was through his hands, then brags about his 'This American Life' rerun residuals.
"Where I like to perch my head is my hand."
"I count reruns as original airings."
The Storytellers Struggle to Remember Eminem Lyrics
The panel attempts to recite 'Lose Yourself' by Eminem, leading to a pretentious discussion about the 'meme' of storytellers forgetting lyrics and a visual gag involving hand gestures to represent spaghetti.
"Would you mind reciting M&M's Lose Yourself just a little bit?"
"Thank god we had the second hand to visualize the spaghetti."
Maria Liza Basket's Tragic Axe-Throwing Love Story
Maria Liza Basket tells a convoluted story about falling in love at an axe-throwing bar while mourning her father, involving a confusing timeline of marbles, airports, and hospitals.
"I had seven marbles left in my purse. Marbles from his game of mankala."
"Sometimes you have to fall before you can know."
Eugene Capone's Piss-Kink Discovery
Eugene discusses his 'brave' zine about meeting a man with a piss kink, leading to a debate on whether biological discoveries regarding the flavor of urine are inherently humorous or just sexuality.
"Me pissing on another man is not funny. It's just sexuality."
"Watermelon Powerade makes my piss taste different than milk."
Daniel Rocky's Uncanny Trolley Story
Daniel Rocky performs a dramatic storytelling piece called 'The Trolley Story,' utilizing strange, high-pitched voices to describe the experience of watching too much television.
"Get up, Junior. The trolley's here."
"You are like the Larry David of storytelling."
The Moth Merch Hierarchy
The storytellers bicker over the prestige of various pieces of 'The Moth' merchandise, specifically the hierarchy between the crew neck sweatshirt and the elusive zip-up fleece.
"The zip-up fleece is not earned by the amount of times. It's the amount of worthwhile time."
The Art of the Storyteller Introduction
The panel of 'storytellers' introduces themselves with extreme pretension, using abstract metaphors about disco balls and point A to point B to establish their self-importance in the industry.
"We're all looking at the same disco ball but from different beams of light."
"I don't tell stories, I tell life."