Francisco Tampa
A loud pyrotechnics technician and former 80s hair band bassist who lives in Miami.
Highlight Bits & Quotes
10The Ankle Bracelet and the Battle of 1815
Dre Saunders discusses her legal troubles involving a church fire and an ankle bracelet. Francisco Tampa challenges the group's relevance, claiming they are stuck in the past while he represents the future of drone technology.
"I lit this church on fire and I did it to the tune of Ave Maria because I thought that might be on brand."
"You guys are caught in 1815."
"Your industry is over. You're an urchin at the end of its life about to be stomped by the bigger fish, and that's drone, baby."
The Great Firework Draw-Off
Francisco Tampa initiates a 'draw-off' on a whiteboard to prove fireworks are superior to drones. The characters design increasingly bizarre fireworks, including a 'quintessential guy's firework' and a 'one-year-old's version of art.'
"I want us to do our dream version of a firework. Show what doesn't exist yet but could exist."
"It's the shape of an acoustic guitar specifically, and then at the bottom is text... it says tit."
"Can the drone capture the whimsy of what I just did?"
The Final Explosion and Outro
The panel counts down to a final firework explosion, transforming into light. The performers break character to promote their Patreon and sign off with the show's credits.
"I've lived my life like a firework: burn bright and die when I need to."
"This feels like coming! I can see God from here!"
"Now that's why we call it show business."
The Fireless Worker vs. The Traditionalists
CeeLo Sebastian Green reveals he is a drone show designer, sparking immediate hostility from the traditional firework technicians who view him as a 'new age freak' and a threat to their jobs.
"I am a fireless worker. That's right. I do firework drone shows."
"You know who invented drones? Bill Gates eight months ago."
The Dog and Bird Safety Debate
The panel argues over the ethics of scaring dogs and killing birds, with the traditionalists claiming that many 'good things' like mailmen and vacuum cleaners also scare dogs.
"Would you say that to someone with a vacuum cleaner you fucking piece of shit?"
"Imagine a bomb in the sky. They see those coming."
The Twig in the Brain Memory Unlock
Mariana Boats notices a giant twig sticking out of Dre Saunders' head. As Dre adjusts it, she begins speaking Russian and unlocking past-life memories of the JFK assassination and the Irish potato famine.
"I am remembering JFK assassinated but there was another shooter no one noticed."
"I have three new memories that I didn't have before."
Francisco Tampa's Dangerous Finale Strategy
Francisco Tampa explains his 'all at once' finale philosophy, which he compares to a dessert made of every previous course blended together. He shows footage of himself lighting every fuse simultaneously.
"I put everything I can together and I shoot them off all at once."
"Light the fuse! Every fuse! Light the fuse you see!"
The Catholic Church Firework Incident
Dre Saunders reveals she was once paid a massive sum by a man in a cloak to perform a firework show inside a Catholic church, resulting in the building burning down and her receiving an ankle monitor.
"I lit this church on fire and I did it to the tune of Ave Maria."
"I was paid by a man in a cloak to do it."
The Reveal of CeeLo Sebastian Green
CeeLo Sebastian Green reveals he is actually a famous firework creator who was testing the others. He bestows 'gifts' upon them, including a new brain for Mariana and a guitar for Francisco.
"I gave you a brain of the guy from Dude, Where's My Car?"
"I give you the thing you've wanted most in the world: a guitar."
The Pyrotechnic Roundtable Roll-Call
The panel of firework experts introduces themselves, including a survivor of a plane crash and a man who claims the Dodgers' Diamond Vision screen is shaped like a specific woman's anatomy.
"I just flew off a plane from Ontario and I'm so excited to be here."
"That diamond vision is shaped like a woman's vagina."