Harley Don
The founder of TMZ Junior, a publication currently in litigation for stalking 'young stars'.
Highlight Bits & Quotes
8Lady Poppy's Rhyming Riddles and the Children Police
Lady Poppy attempts to share celebrity gossip through poorly constructed riddles. The conversation escalates into a discussion about the 'Children Police,' a brutal law enforcement agency comprised of child cops and adult protectors.
"Timothy Chalamet might shall I say he was at this California Pizza what?"
"The kids are worse than the adults in this case."
"I got a t-shirt that says ACAB: All Children Cops Are Bad."
The Sweaty Jacob Tremblay Incident
Harley Don recounts how a photo of a sweaty Jacob Tremblay playing soccer led to 15 litigation cases and the total destruction of his marriage and relationship with his children.
"It absolutely destroyed my marriage. My kids don't talk to me anymore."
"Sweaty Jacob plays sweaty soccer."
"The mag TMZ Junior sent the picture out saying sweaty Jacob plays sweaty soccer."
TMZ Junior's Legal and Ethical Boundaries
Harley Don explains his niche publication TMZ Junior, which focuses on 'young stars' like Jacob Tremblay, while desperately trying to avoid the legal repercussions of using the word 'kids'.
"We are looking for kids with secrets, kids with crushes, kids peeing their pants."
"Not kids, young stars. Sorry, not kids, young stars. If we say kids we get in trouble."
The TMZ Junior Hollywood Tour
Harley Don describes his phonetic 'TEEA MAEH' bus tour that takes tourists to the Children's Hospital in hopes of spotting a sick young star.
"We're going to the Children's Hospital. Look, kids get sick all the time, you never know who you'll see."
"If we're gonna go to a hospital, it's gonna be a children's hospital."
Terrence Pell's Boring Executive Scoops
Terrence attempts to share 'juicy' gossip about corporate acquisitions and contract gray areas, which the rest of the panel finds completely uninteresting.
"The legal team on the other side has found a couple gray areas in the contract."
"It's made out of paper but it's a lot of paper and the binding is really sharp at the end."
Pat Fines and the Drone-Volleyball Cellulite Method
Pat Fines explains her high-tech method for capturing unflattering celebrity photos: attaching a drone to a volleyball and throwing it at women on the beach to capture pixelated cellulite patterns for Page Six.
"I put a drone on a volleyball and I threw the volleyball at the woman's body."
"A drone really gets the carves of a woman and that really sells for me."
The Caravan Store and the Tech Deck Assault
Lady Poppy reveals she caused a Jonas Brother's panic attack at a German store and details a physical altercation with the 'DeuxMoi girl' involving a Tech Deck to the nose.
"I grabbed whatever I could find to defend myself against the DeuxMoi woman and it was a little Tech Deck."
"The wheels of that little Tech Deck were enough to drive a little bit of tracks through her nose."
Roundtable Introduction: The Gossip Columnists
The panel of gossip experts introduces themselves, ranging from a riddle-posting Instagrammer to a corporate executive gossip specialist and a ruthless paparazzi photographer.
"I run a gossip Instagram of sorts and I have my ear to the ground of all the goings-on in Hollywood and Beyond."
"I run something called TMZ Junior. You've heard of TMZ, but have you heard of TMZ Jr?"