Gossip Columnists Expose Industry Secrets
Cast & Characters (4)
Bits & Timeline (12)
Roundtable Introduction: The Gossip Columnists
The panel of gossip experts introduces themselves, ranging from a riddle-posting Instagrammer to a corporate executive gossip specialist and a ruthless paparazzi photographer.
"I run a gossip Instagram of sorts and I have my ear to the ground of all the goings-on in Hollywood and Beyond."
"I run something called TMZ Junior. You've heard of TMZ, but have you heard of TMZ Jr?"
TMZ Junior's Legal and Ethical Boundaries
Harley Don explains his niche publication TMZ Junior, which focuses on 'young stars' like Jacob Tremblay, while desperately trying to avoid the legal repercussions of using the word 'kids'.
"We are looking for kids with secrets, kids with crushes, kids peeing their pants."
"Not kids, young stars. Sorry, not kids, young stars. If we say kids we get in trouble."
Pat Fines: The Negative Space Paparazzi
Pat Fines details her career of hiding behind trash cans and burying herself in sand to capture celebrities looking their absolute worst for Page Six.
"I primarily do bikini pics of women running on their vacations."
"I hope to God these women have big lunches so they're bloated so I can expose asses and make millions."
The TMZ Junior Hollywood Tour
Harley Don describes his phonetic 'TEEA MAEH' bus tour that takes tourists to the Children's Hospital in hopes of spotting a sick young star.
"We're going to the Children's Hospital. Look, kids get sick all the time, you never know who you'll see."
"If we're gonna go to a hospital, it's gonna be a children's hospital."
Terrence Pell's Boring Executive Scoops
Terrence attempts to share 'juicy' gossip about corporate acquisitions and contract gray areas, which the rest of the panel finds completely uninteresting.
"The legal team on the other side has found a couple gray areas in the contract."
"It's made out of paper but it's a lot of paper and the binding is really sharp at the end."
Lady Poppy's Rhyming Riddles and the Children Police
Lady Poppy attempts to share celebrity gossip through poorly constructed riddles. The conversation escalates into a discussion about the 'Children Police,' a brutal law enforcement agency comprised of child cops and adult protectors.
"Timothy Chalamet might shall I say he was at this California Pizza what?"
"The kids are worse than the adults in this case."
"I got a t-shirt that says ACAB: All Children Cops Are Bad."
Pat Fines and the Drone-Volleyball Cellulite Method
Pat Fines explains her high-tech method for capturing unflattering celebrity photos: attaching a drone to a volleyball and throwing it at women on the beach to capture pixelated cellulite patterns for Page Six.
"I put a drone on a volleyball and I threw the volleyball at the woman's body."
"A drone really gets the carves of a woman and that really sells for me."
The Legend of the Sand Pervert
Pat Fines reveals her viral past as the 'Sand Pervert,' a legendary beach figure who was caught on camera covered in sand. Terrence Pell confirms the story is told as a ghost story in the Boy Scouts.
"They called you Sand Pervert?"
"My son is in a Boy Scout troop and they told ghost stories around the fire about the Sand Pervert."
"You were Icarus and you flew too close to the sun."
The Sweaty Jacob Tremblay Incident
Harley Don recounts how a photo of a sweaty Jacob Tremblay playing soccer led to 15 litigation cases and the total destruction of his marriage and relationship with his children.
"It absolutely destroyed my marriage. My kids don't talk to me anymore."
"Sweaty Jacob plays sweaty soccer."
"The mag TMZ Junior sent the picture out saying sweaty Jacob plays sweaty soccer."
The Daily Grill Lunch Invoice Leak
Terrence Pell describes leaking a Lionsgate executive's lunch invoices, which surprisingly led to the executive's promotion due to his consistent diet of steak and chicken pot pie.
"He would get a steak and a chicken pot pie every single lunch."
"We can budget out a steak and pot pie side for you, so we're gonna promote you."
The Caravan Store and the Tech Deck Assault
Lady Poppy reveals she caused a Jonas Brother's panic attack at a German store and details a physical altercation with the 'DeuxMoi girl' involving a Tech Deck to the nose.
"I grabbed whatever I could find to defend myself against the DeuxMoi woman and it was a little Tech Deck."
"The wheels of that little Tech Deck were enough to drive a little bit of tracks through her nose."
Pat Fines' Gossip EGOT Dream
Pat Fines shares her ultimate career goal: photographing a famous man on a beach with one woman, then photographing him on the same beach with a different woman a month later.
"I want to get that same man walking with a different woman on that same beach month later."
"I have two daughters, Jenna and Sudoku."