Janis Simons
A famous joints model for Aleve and Advil known for her elbows, knees, and lower back.
Highlight Bits & Quotes
10The Port Fashion Week and Modeling for Seasoning
The models discuss their unconventional runway experiences, including walking for Vineyard Vines at Pier 39 and modeling for Morton Salt and Old Bay Seasoning, where Nautica Jones had to dress as a crab.
"I am Handsome Squidward Baby grown up."
"Goes to daycare, becomes the teacher."
"I walked for Morton Salt."
"Do you have to be the crustacean on the box?"
The Cup Crisis: Objects Taking Modeling Jobs
The panel expresses outrage over the industry trend of using inanimate cups as models. They discuss 'Cup D'Amelio' and the lack of labor laws for beverage containers taking their jobs.
"I've lost so many jobs to cups."
"You guys haven't seen Cup D'Amelio?"
"If you put tits on a cup, you pay her less because now she's a woman."
The 'Inner Life' of a Model
Janis Simons shares her deep, poetic bio about having 'cracks on the surface,' leading the group to obsess over her 'inner life' and her dream of playing a hospitalized patient with a migraine.
"She's got cracks on the surface, just like us."
"I am dying to play a woman with a migraine."
"You're oozing with inner life. It's like you're a real person."
The Modeling Industry's Hookup Culture and Steve Jobs
Zebulon expresses a desire to get married, but the group laments the constant 'fucking' in the modeling industry, including alleged posthumous emails from Steve Jobs.
"It's tough in the mall because we fuck so much."
"I still get emails to this day from Steve Jobs and he wants to fuck me."
"That's a lawsuit from beyond the grave."
Declan's Math Art and ABC Cooking Show
Declan Bond pivots to 'arts and crafts,' specifically drawing illustrations of math problems, while bragging about a 12-season cooking show deal on ABC that was supposed to follow Big Bang Theory.
"To me, drawing is my favorite art and craft."
"I'm drawing like Carlos with four apples, David with six apples."
"Big Bang Theory turns out was on CBS."
The Permanent Neosporin Shine
Janis explains how a childhood injury led to a permanent blinding shine on her knees due to excessive Neosporin application.
"When you put too much it gets permanent."
"The knee never went back to its normal sort of skin tone, just a blinding shine."
Modeling for Splinters and Germs
Janis Simons admits to modeling for a pro-splinter company as a child, while Keith Cole reveals he once modeled for 'Germs' and 'Lies' in government-funded ad campaigns.
"I worked for germs for a little bit."
"Lies, spread them."
Keith's North Korean Nike Campaign
Keith Cole recounts a disastrous trip where he lost his reps at an airport and accidentally filmed a Nike ad campaign in North Korea praising Kim Jong-un.
"I'm doing an ad campaign for North Korea Nike and it was bad."
"Kim Jong-un is the leader of the free world."
The Models Who Bleed and Break
Janis Simons discusses her niche as a model who is always sick or injured, leading to a deep conversation about whether she is capable of healing or if her wounds are her identity.
"I want people to know that we bleed."
"The second I heal, who am I?"
The Model Roll-Call
The models introduce themselves, including Keith Cole (a model-musician-magician), Janis Simons (a joints model), and Declan Bond (a model-chef).
"I am famously known as a joints model. Elbows, knees, lower back."
"I'm currently the face of Abercrombie and have a stint at the Magic Castle."