Improvised Roundtables, Ep. 56 - Models (w/ Jasmine Elist)
Cast & Characters (5)
Bits & Timeline (14)
The Model Roll-Call
The models introduce themselves, including Keith Cole (a model-musician-magician), Janis Simons (a joints model), and Declan Bond (a model-chef).
"I am famously known as a joints model. Elbows, knees, lower back."
"I'm currently the face of Abercrombie and have a stint at the Magic Castle."
Nautica Jones and the Boat Modeling Circuit
Nautica Jones reveals she was raised by pirates and now models for boats, speedboats, and electric kayaks at live dock events.
"I be a boat model."
"You haven't lived until you've been on the back of a man speeding down an electric kayak."
Zebulon's Reality TV Conquest
Zebulon discusses winning America's Got Talent for modeling and losing The Voice to a pack of 40 backflipping dogs called the Tumble Doodles.
"I narrowly beat those 40 dogs who did backflips."
"I said I'm a model and I would let the show do what they wanted with me."
The Permanent Neosporin Shine
Janis explains how a childhood injury led to a permanent blinding shine on her knees due to excessive Neosporin application.
"When you put too much it gets permanent."
"The knee never went back to its normal sort of skin tone, just a blinding shine."
The Port Fashion Week and Modeling for Seasoning
The models discuss their unconventional runway experiences, including walking for Vineyard Vines at Pier 39 and modeling for Morton Salt and Old Bay Seasoning, where Nautica Jones had to dress as a crab.
"I am Handsome Squidward Baby grown up."
"Goes to daycare, becomes the teacher."
"I walked for Morton Salt."
"Do you have to be the crustacean on the box?"
The Cup Crisis: Objects Taking Modeling Jobs
The panel expresses outrage over the industry trend of using inanimate cups as models. They discuss 'Cup D'Amelio' and the lack of labor laws for beverage containers taking their jobs.
"I've lost so many jobs to cups."
"You guys haven't seen Cup D'Amelio?"
"If you put tits on a cup, you pay her less because now she's a woman."
Modeling for Splinters and Germs
Janis Simons admits to modeling for a pro-splinter company as a child, while Keith Cole reveals he once modeled for 'Germs' and 'Lies' in government-funded ad campaigns.
"I worked for germs for a little bit."
"Lies, spread them."
Keith's North Korean Nike Campaign
Keith Cole recounts a disastrous trip where he lost his reps at an airport and accidentally filmed a Nike ad campaign in North Korea praising Kim Jong-un.
"I'm doing an ad campaign for North Korea Nike and it was bad."
"Kim Jong-un is the leader of the free world."
The Models Who Bleed and Break
Janis Simons discusses her niche as a model who is always sick or injured, leading to a deep conversation about whether she is capable of healing or if her wounds are her identity.
"I want people to know that we bleed."
"The second I heal, who am I?"
The 'Inner Life' of a Model
Janis Simons shares her deep, poetic bio about having 'cracks on the surface,' leading the group to obsess over her 'inner life' and her dream of playing a hospitalized patient with a migraine.
"She's got cracks on the surface, just like us."
"I am dying to play a woman with a migraine."
"You're oozing with inner life. It's like you're a real person."
Keith's Food Truck Ambitions
Keith Cole reveals his next career move is driving a food truck, primarily because he wants to drive a large vehicle and met a kid at a Bar Mitzvah whose dad owns one.
"I just go wherever the wind crawls, you know."
"It seems like you just want to drive a truck."
"I met this kid Nathan, he just had his Bar Mitzvah."
The Modeling Industry's Hookup Culture and Steve Jobs
Zebulon expresses a desire to get married, but the group laments the constant 'fucking' in the modeling industry, including alleged posthumous emails from Steve Jobs.
"It's tough in the mall because we fuck so much."
"I still get emails to this day from Steve Jobs and he wants to fuck me."
"That's a lawsuit from beyond the grave."
Nautica's Boat Modeling Trauma and PB Teen Dreams
Nautica Jones explains why she's quitting boat modeling—sailors think she comes with the boat—and her new goal of modeling lavender bunk beds for Pottery Barn Teen.
"They think that I come with the boat."
"I want to model for Pottery Barn Teen."
"Maybe just drop that voice all together."
Declan's Math Art and ABC Cooking Show
Declan Bond pivots to 'arts and crafts,' specifically drawing illustrations of math problems, while bragging about a 12-season cooking show deal on ABC that was supposed to follow Big Bang Theory.
"To me, drawing is my favorite art and craft."
"I'm drawing like Carlos with four apples, David with six apples."
"Big Bang Theory turns out was on CBS."