Lisa Blazer
Highlight Bits & Quotes
14Lisa Blazer's 'Original' Dreams are Just Disney IP
Lisa Blazer pitches a movie based on a dream about an octopus named Ursula who steals voices, which the panel quickly identifies as The Little Mermaid. She then describes a dream about a lion monarch with a scarred uncle named Slash.
"I had this dream about this sort of octopus character named Ursula and I woke up and I said oh my God I'm a genius."
"I'm confused why Disney is entering the conversation because this is a dream I had."
"He wanted to be the lion Monarch and so I called it The Lion Monarch."
The Charades Multiverse and Fake IP
Danny Crabtree explains that his Charades movie avoids real-world IP by creating a fake universe of movies and books, which Lisa Blazer identifies as a lucrative multiverse strategy.
"We've created basically a fake Universe of movies for the movie charades."
"Multiverse is money in the bank."
"They wanted me to have a Super Bowl in five different universes all on a Mii."
The Rise of the Sea Worlders and Blackfish 2
Lisa Blazer discusses the intense conflict between claw machine fanbases, leading to a pitch for 'Blackfish 2' featuring humans instead of whales to satisfy the Sea World fandom.
"The Sea World people are back in a new big way."
"Blackfish 2: with people this time."
"I'm not punching down, I think I'm punching genius."
The Buck F***ers and the Turkey Bonus Round
Danny Crabtree describes the terrifying 'Buck Hunter' fanbase and their demand for a turkey bonus round voiced by Shawn Mendes doing questionable accents.
"We call them the Buck Fuckers and the Buck Fuckers are obsessed."
"They wanted me to cast Ron White from the Blue Collar Comedy Tour."
"We have the turkey voice by Shawn Mendes, he does all the voices."
Women are Tired: The Snoozer Cinema Theory
JK Pac-Man and Danny Crabtree bond over a film school theory that movies for women must be 'snoozers' because women are exhausted from the golden age of spending.
"Movies for women need to be snoozers because, ergo, women are tired."
"Men are bored and women are tired."
"It's a golden age for spending because it's the time that they all wake up one day and they want to buy candles."
Hungry Hoopas and 5D Vending Machines
Danny Crabtree plays a game of charades for his next film 'Hungry Hoopas,' while Lisa Blazer pitches a 5D sequel where granola bars are shot directly into the audience's faces.
"In our reality, hippos are called Hoopas."
"The fifth dimension is a granola bar."
"We are creating 75,000 new jobs for people to get the granola bars and put them back in the movie screen."
Podcast: The Video Game
JK Pac-Man announces her next project: a video game based on the abstract concept of a podcast, despite having no idea how the gameplay mechanics would work.
"It's always important to keep one foot in your wife."
"We're doing Podcast: The Video Game."
"I don't know yet guys, they just hired me and we'll figure it out."
Claw Machine: The Animated Adaptation
Lisa Blazer pitches her big-budget animated adaptation of the claw machine game, starring Jack Black as 'The Claw' and Rebel Wilson as 'The Machine' in a star-crossed lover story.
"Jack Black will be playing the claw and Rebel Wilson will be playing the machine."
"It's like star-crossed lovers because one of them is literally already inside the other one."
The Origin of Charades
Dr. Phyllis Jones discusses his film 'Charades,' a prequel following the rise and fall of Marvin Gick, the fictional inventor of the party game.
"It's about the origin story of how the game that we all know and love that changed parties forever came to be."
"The creator of Charades he's a guy named Marvin Gick."
Wii Sports: The Movie Starring Helen Mirren
JK Pac-Man, a 'game nepotism baby,' pitches a live-action/animation hybrid where Helen Mirren plays a 'Mii' character competing in various sports to survive.
"I'm a game nepotism baby."
"We have Helen Mirren playing the Mii."
Danny Crabtree Wins the Rights to Big Buck Hunter
Danny explains how he won the movie rights to Big Buck Hunter by getting the top ten high scores at a dive bar called the Stink Pit, which triggered a Willy Wonka-style physical unlock in the machine.
"I played so much that I got the top score again I was put ass ass even though that's not my name."
"The machine of the game itself unlocked and I got to go there was a little thing inside and there was an envelope."
Lisa Blazer's Hospital-Based IP Strategy
Lisa Blazer describes her method of acquiring 'true story' rights by prying open car doors at crash sites or waiting in hospitals for people to die, which Vulture magazine has criticized as villainous.
"I used all my might to pry open that car door and I asked them right then and there for the rights."
"Vulture's a bunch of people you were prying on people that were close to death."
The Inception of Showbiz Pitches
The panel enters a recursive loop of pitching movies about people pitching podcast video games, comparing the meta-narrative to Hamilton.
"It's a podcast in which a video game producer pitches a podcast video game."
"That's just like Lin-Manuel Miranda's Alexander Hamilton musical."
The Border Man of Burbank
Dr. Phyllis Jones describes living in a 'big house' right on the border of Los Angeles and Burbank, claiming the cultural divide between the two adjacent cities is absolutely insane.
"I'm coming from Los Angeles Burbank area."
"Seeing cold divide of culture is insane."