Margaret O'Malley aka "TheBanka"
a writer of Deal or No Deal fanfics
Highlight Bits & Quotes
10HIPAA Violations and Nursing Home Ships
Mai explains that asking for a character's birthday is a HIPAA violation because birth is a medical procedure. She describes her controversial 'ship' between an 82-year-old Arthur Reed and Poe from the Teletubbies.
"Asking someone's birthday is a HIPAA violation."
"Teletubbies are not children, they're little monsters."
"Mouth to mouth sounds like a procedure. HIPAA violation!"
Hermone: The Improv-Loving Hufflepuff
Ian reads his fan fiction about Hermione's brother, Hermone, who joins a Hufflepuff improv troupe and has a confusing encounter with Cedric Diggory and his sister Cedrica.
"I, Hermone, heard her moan unlike any moan I've ever heard."
"You used Harry Potter as a cover to sneak in your edging!"
"I guess this Granger is up to no good."
Deal or No Deal: The Mathematical Erotica
Margaret reads a 'Deal or No Deal' fan fiction that is primarily a list of case numbers and dollar amounts, which the others describe as reading like a CVS receipt.
"Case number 40, parenthesis, thirty thousand dollars."
"I feel like you're reading a receipt."
"They hook up for hours."
The Rugrats Retirement Tragedy
Mai reads her fan fiction where a 79-year-old Tommy Pickles pushes the body of his dead brother Dill into a lake while being haunted by the ghost of Didi Pickles.
"At least now you'll die with dignity."
"Tommy won't you come back inside? I made pancakes, I made bacon, I made soup."
"Dill having been shot by his ex-wife, Lil DeVille."
The Frozen War and the Clumsy Vet Dory
Rekha reads a chaotic war-themed fanfic featuring Elsa, Anna, and a 'war vet' Dory in a helicopter with a tank and ninja stars, culminating in a battle over France and ice.
"Dory is forgetful so she might have forgotten what she was supposed to be doing"
"We don't want France we just want the ice"
"Vets are clumsy both kinds"
Zoe Field-Rabinowitz: Nick at Night and Tiny Fetishes
Zoe discusses her 'Nick at Night' fiction and her new interest in 'tiny' fanfic involving characters having intercourse under giant grapes, inspired by Eugene O'Neill's stage directions.
"You're having intercourse under a big grape and stuff like that."
"I was inspired by Eugene O'Neill, his stage directions are so specific."
Paul Dylan's Disney Combat and Age Disclosures
Paul Dylan reveals his username 'When You Wish Upon a Shooting Star' and his specialty: Disney princesses with guns. The panel then debates the importance of disclosing writer ages.
"I do a lot of Disney princesses with guns."
"A writer is a writer, a pen doesn't have an age."
The Banker and the Parenthetical Revolution
Margaret O'Malley discusses her Deal or No Deal fanfic and the 'mathematicians' who haunt her comments. The group explores the use of parentheses to disclose secrets or character ages within text.
"Mathematicians hate to see her coming."
"Parentheses are my best friend."
The Grand Finale: A Multiverse Popcorn Story
The panelists collaborate on a final 'popcorn' style story that teleports them from the studio to Hogwarts, then to the Cosby Show brownstone, ending with them all sharing the body of a 90-year-old worm.
"The worm ninety exact birthday happened right that moment"
"We share one body"
Introduction to the World of Fan Fiction
The hosts introduce the theme of the week: fan fiction. They define it as the art of taking existing IP and writing new stories, poems, or 'shipping' characters.
"Open up your laptop, ship a couple characters, and let's listen in."