Rick Hairdo
Highlight Bits & Quotes
12The President of HAG-AFTRA and the Veiny Dick Costume
Rick Hairdo, the president of the Halloween modeling union, defends his decision to 'punch up' a controversial veiny dick costume by adding a cane and glasses, rebranding it as 'Old Poker.'
"I would not be the president of HAG-AFTRA if it weren't for all the support."
"You became the president and they got worse."
"I'm a funny guy model. I'm not a funny guy."
"What you ended up doing was putting gray hair on it, giving it glasses and giving it a cane, so it really more looked like Old Poker."
Dune Sand and The Zendaya Tomato Timer
Ruthie Pepto complains about being cast as a pile of sand for Dune, while Astryd Sand describes his obsessive 24-hour research into Zendaya's limbs.
"I hated being that pile of sand this year for Dune."
"I set a little tomato timer and I said I'm not going to... I looked up everything: Zendaya hands, Zendaya fingers."
"Clicking is part of looking up, darling."
Gregory Fucks His Own Head
In a bizarre finale, Gregory Malloy Brown attempts to physically make love to his own head, providing graphic narration and sound effects as the others watch in horror.
"He's going to fuck his own head finally."
"I'm kissing my own lips. Wow, it feels amazing to kiss your own lips."
"I can't wait to be inside you."
The Unseen World of Halloween Costume Modeling
The panel introduces the bizarre rules of the Halloween modeling industry, including the lack of directors and the 'white psych' studio environment where models are left to their own devices.
"Sometimes I'm like, is there a ghost that hires us?"
"No photo shoots have a director. So we're all sort of on our own doing our own thing."
Generic Costume Naming and the Elphaba Dispute
The models pitch generic names for copyrighted characters to avoid litigation, including 'Witch with Signature Rift' for Elphaba and 'Mental Illness Clown' for the Joker.
"How are we going to label this green witch? Green witch is taken."
"What about deranged businessman? 'Cause he's wearing a suit."
Gregory's Perfect Male Head and Stilt Modeling
Gregory Malloy Brown explains that he is primarily used for 'head-only' modeling because he possesses the mathematically perfect median head size for a human male, discovered through trial and error.
"I have the perfect head size and perfect shape of head for a man in general."
"I would walk up to a lot of men and feel their heads and figure it out."
AI in the Writers' Room and Halloween Costume Names
The models discuss the use of AI in their industry, agreeing that while it's fine for writers' rooms, it should definitely be used to generate the bizarre names of Halloween costumes to appeal to the 'funny guy' demographic.
"Halloween costume names should be AI. That's the only thing that I believe should be AI."
"Anybody who buys a funny guy costume has a cryptocurrency wallet."
Ruthie Pepto's Disappearance and Wellness Check
Ruthie Pepto briefly loses her internet connection, leading the other models to search WebMD for 'disappeared kid.' Upon her return, they question her parents' supportive nature and her lack of eating at craft services.
"I don't like to watch kids walk away so that's not something that I'm doing in practice."
"I was actually thinking about writing you a wellness check."
The Art of the Pair Costume: JFK and Step-Son
The models reminisce about their most successful pair costumes, including a 'daddy-daughter' JFK and Bloody Jackie baby combo, and a highly specific 'Step-Son' costume involving a Nintendo Switch and two pairs of Nikes.
"You were John F. Kennedy and I was Bloody Jackie as a kind of a reverse twist and I was a baby."
"It's a $1,000 costume for a couple."
The Curse of the HAG-AFRA Presidency
Rick Hairdo reveals the dark tradition of HAG-AFRA presidents mysteriously dying at the end of their term. He describes the gruesome fates of past presidents, including one who died on a roller coaster after his brain stopped.
"Every president of HAG-AFRA goes mysteriously missing and winds up dead after their term."
"He went around so many times that his brain eventually just stopped."
The Practical Whoopee Cushion Redesign
Rick Hairdo proposes a costume made of 100 real whoopee cushions so that every movement, from sitting to kissing, triggers a loud fart noise.
"When you are the whoopee cushion costume, you don't really get to make the whoopee cushion noise."
"That's going to be like the Dune soundtrack type of fart."
The Paris Fashion Week Sabotage
Rick Hairdo reveals he tripped the other models to prevent them from attending Paris Fashion Week, keeping them on the 'Halloween track' with him.
"I tripped you because I wanted you guys to stay on the Halloween track with me."
"I'm tall because of the vaccines."