Sinnator Robert of the Night
A Hollywood Halloween poet whose first name is spelled 'Sinnator' (like the sin of the flesh) and who works for A-list celebrities.
Highlight Bits & Quotes
9The Union Contract and Startle-ficial Intelligence
Mikey Bamonte discusses the new union contract, including the controversial 'Startle-ficial Intelligence' which automatically inserts jumpscares into poems by turning text red.
"It's a smart computer that kind of registers how people get startled."
"They're changing the font color. They turn the color of certain words red."
"We might as well talk about residual ghouls."
"I wrote a Halloween poem for the Halloween episode of Gilmore Girls back in the day."
The Great Halloween Poem Death Spike of 1989
The poets discuss a record spike in deaths related to Halloween poems, which turns out to be a single death. They also distinguish themselves from Gothic and Emo poets, claiming 'spooky isn't sad.'
"I performed a Halloween poem for Bette Davis that scared her right to death. I killed her."
"It was a record spike in Halloween poem related deaths. One."
"To go from zero to one, the scale is crazy if your scale is 100%."
The Marvel Halloween Poetry Pipeline
Mikey Bamonte reveals his sell-out collaboration with Marvel, which involves turning 'Smash or Pass' TikToks into high-art poetry by simply removing the word 'pass' from the script.
"I made a Marvel Halloween poem. I'm collabing with Marvel."
"Hulk smash Iron Man. Iron Man smash Hawkeye."
"I just took out the word pass and then now it's a poem."
Dita Von Teese's Spooky Nail Polish Titles
SheEdgar shares her latest work: naming a line of dark nail polishes for Dita Von Teese, featuring confusingly structured titles like 'Broomstick Puppy Brown' and 'Werewolf Goblin Mummy Green'.
"Broomstick puppy brown."
"Werewolf goblin mummy mummy mummy green."
"Fangs off-white."
The Death of Sir Dennis Gravestone
Sir Dennis Gravestone performs his final poem, a haunting piece that incorporates unused Jay-Z lyrics. The performance is so intense it seemingly kills him, leading to a chaotic final freestyle.
"I used some of the unused verse from Jay-Z's Monster."
"Your poem killed him!"
"I'm a motherfucking monster at the end."
The Overdone Classics and Sarah Gruel
The poets discuss the rapidly changing industry and the cliché of 'Dead Ghoul's Cell Phone' by Sarah Gruel, which they consider the 'overdone' student standard of Halloween poetry.
"People think they can walk in here and do dead ghoul's cell phone. You can't do that yet."
"Bleep bleep the iPhone rings, shall I hear my person sing?"
Bill de Blasio's Candy Corn Pants
Sinnator Robert describes her consulting work for Bill de Blasio, who is launching a line of candy corn pants featuring individual Halloween poems on every tag.
"He's done with politics, he wants to make candy corn pants."
"That sounds less like he needs a Halloween poet and more like he needs a wellness check."
The Overused 'Dear Evan Hansen Zombie' Audition
The panel rants about the state of Halloween poetry education, specifically the overused recitation of 'Dear Evan Hansen Zombie' and the song 'I'm Just a Ghoul Who Can't Say Boo.'
"If I hear one more person say 'waiting in the window brains' I'm going to scream."
The Top 10 Halloween Poets Roundtable
The panel introduces the niche industry of Halloween poetry, explaining that during the strike, agencies CAA and WME released a list of the top 10 poets. Five of them have gathered to discuss their craft and the Variety article.
"CAA and WME just finally came together and during the strike since they can't talk about actors they decided to release the top 10 Halloween poets."