Steele Crawson
The lead doctor of Orlando Medical and self-proclaimed number one on the call sheet.
Highlight Bits & Quotes
14The Tragic Fall of Cartoon Network and Showrunner Wandela Scondola
The cast discusses the demise of Cartoon Network, which they claim was caused by Steele Crawson bankrolling a neighbor's bankruptcy. They eulogize their showrunner Wandela Scondola, who is 'RIP: Alive but moved.'
"RIP. Alive but moved."
"You're dead to us at this point if you're not in immediate eyeline."
"My next door neighbor in Studio City was the creator of The Adventures of Gumball and we got in a huge fight and I basically bankrupted him."
Wandela Scondola's Meisner Boot Camp
The cast demonstrates the intense acting exercises they endured at 'Wandela Scondola's Boodle Camp,' specifically a repetitive Meisner exercise about being at a store that escalates into a medical emergency.
"I'm at the store."
"I need 10 cc's of metahatherin."
"I need a can of whipped cream now!"
Number One on the Call Sheet
Steele Crawson repeatedly asserts his dominance as 'number one on the call sheet,' explaining how he democratically won the position through a caucus and expensive gifts.
"I love a number one who talks about it."
"I've never been cast in something and immediately invited to a caucus."
The Yacht Company Side Hustle
Maria Nina St. John explains that she runs a yacht company because a single TV income isn't enough, though her coworkers find her website's CAPTCHA puzzles impossible to solve.
"It's hard to make it in Hollywood these days out of single income just TV show."
"It's a very simple puzzle. It's a gun, a carnival, a lazy river, and a bear."
The Fetal Emmy and the Bonanza Kick
Steele Crawson reveals he won a Primetime Emmy while still in his mother's womb after a visual gag involving a kick through a pregnant belly was kept in an episode of Bonanza.
"You were the only actor to win a prime time Emmy while still in someone's stomach."
"They kept in a kick, a foot coming out of a pregnant woman's belly like Aliens."
The TMZ Star Bus and Public Transportation
Lemonade explains how she used the TMZ celebrity tour buses as a convenient public transit route, despite her intense hatred for tap cards and preference for loose coins.
"Whenever I wanted to hang out with you guys, I would just hop on the star meter."
"Why does a card signify money? That's not what it's for. You should have to pay with loose coins."
Heart Surgery Gate and Medical Inaccuracy
The cast discusses 'Heart Surgery Gate,' a controversy where real doctors began performing surgeries incorrectly after following a plot point involving Mentos and a Coke can.
"Somebody could cure a blockage in a heart by throwing a bunch of Mentos into a Coke can."
"I did a skin graft with a Nerd's Rope."
The Annual 'Butt Episode' Traditions
The cast reminisces about their favorite items found in patients' rectums during their annual 'butt episodes,' including a DSLR camera and a jousting sword from Medieval Times.
"You put what in there?"
"The glasses were in the butt."
The Yacht Company Captcha Test
Maria Nina St. John attempts to explain her family's yacht business, which involves a website with a bizarre captcha requiring users to rank boats from tallest to shortest based on 'vibes' rather than empirical facts.
"Go on the website, enter in the captcha, tell me what's fun."
"You're going to rank them tallest to shortest out of like vibes."
The 19-Hour Congressional Filibuster
Areola Syndication is interrogated about her 19-hour filibuster during a court case, while the other doctors brag about their appearances on late-night talk shows and Sesame Street.
"They usually don't let the witnesses filibuster."
"They put a scorpion in my ass and then I had to go to the hospital that we work at."
The Writers' Email Script Leak
The doctors complain that the show's writers have become so lazy that they are accidentally pasting their personal follow-up emails and vacation plans directly into the script as dialogue.
"I think our writers are the worst writers I've ever worked with."
"I entered my availability into the Doodle."
Troy Dusty Quits Because No One Knows His Name
Troy Dusty announces he is leaving the show because his co-stars don't know his name, leading to a series of increasingly incorrect guesses including 'Scondola Wandola' and 'Orlando Met'.
"Do any of you even know my name?"
"Orlando Met. That's the name of the show. Damn it."
The Shark Wave and Climate Change Crossovers
The cast discusses a new plot arc involving a 'shark wave' hitting the hospital, which they claim is a statement on climate change. They pitch absurd crossovers with Shark Week, Abbott Elementary, and Desperate Housewives.
"The earth heated up so much that it told the sharks to form one big wave."
The Cast of Orlando Medical Reunites
The cast of the long-running Fox procedural Orlando Medical gathers to discuss their method acting, saving lives on planes, and their dedication to frontline workers in Orlando, Florida.
"Orlando Medical is the number one Fox medical drama full of actors you've seen from other medical dramas."