Zoe Field-Rabinowitz
aka "zuzzybuzzy48," a writer of Nick at Nite fanfics and fanfics about being shrunk really small
Highlight Bits & Quotes
10HIPAA Violations and Nursing Home Ships
Mai explains that asking for a character's birthday is a HIPAA violation because birth is a medical procedure. She describes her controversial 'ship' between an 82-year-old Arthur Reed and Poe from the Teletubbies.
"Asking someone's birthday is a HIPAA violation."
"Teletubbies are not children, they're little monsters."
"Mouth to mouth sounds like a procedure. HIPAA violation!"
Hermone: The Improv-Loving Hufflepuff
Ian reads his fan fiction about Hermione's brother, Hermone, who joins a Hufflepuff improv troupe and has a confusing encounter with Cedric Diggory and his sister Cedrica.
"I, Hermone, heard her moan unlike any moan I've ever heard."
"You used Harry Potter as a cover to sneak in your edging!"
"I guess this Granger is up to no good."
Deal or No Deal: The Mathematical Erotica
Margaret reads a 'Deal or No Deal' fan fiction that is primarily a list of case numbers and dollar amounts, which the others describe as reading like a CVS receipt.
"Case number 40, parenthesis, thirty thousand dollars."
"I feel like you're reading a receipt."
"They hook up for hours."
The Rugrats Retirement Tragedy
Mai reads her fan fiction where a 79-year-old Tommy Pickles pushes the body of his dead brother Dill into a lake while being haunted by the ghost of Didi Pickles.
"At least now you'll die with dignity."
"Tommy won't you come back inside? I made pancakes, I made bacon, I made soup."
"Dill having been shot by his ex-wife, Lil DeVille."
Robert Barone's Vicarious Encounter at Cheers
Jeremy pitches a crossover fanfic where Robert Barone from Everybody Loves Raymond visits the bar from Cheers, leading to a tall-man romance with Sam Malone involving a beer box step-stool.
"Sam's dirty Boston lips kiss Robert's mouth"
"Sam stands on a box of beer just so he can get up to Robert's lips"
"Is it Boston traffic or is it Sam's cock"
The Integrity of Non-Horny Fan Fiction
The group debates the artistic merit of 'slice of life' fanfic versus high-click 'horny' content, featuring a hypothetical viral story about Doug Funnie at 90 years old.
"I get a thousand clicks for Doug Funnie fellating himself"
"At ninety years old sure I'd click on that"
"It's a marathon you have to follow the voice in you"
Mai Quad and the Art of Aging Up IP
Mai Quad introduces her niche of writing 'old people fanfic,' where she ages up characters like Harry Potter or Tommy Pickles to 80 years old, treating it with the intensity of a police age-progression specialist.
"I like to write kind of fanfiction about old people."
"The imagination has already been imagined."
Zoe Field-Rabinowitz: Nick at Night and Tiny Fetishes
Zoe discusses her 'Nick at Night' fiction and her new interest in 'tiny' fanfic involving characters having intercourse under giant grapes, inspired by Eugene O'Neill's stage directions.
"You're having intercourse under a big grape and stuff like that."
"I was inspired by Eugene O'Neill, his stage directions are so specific."
The Banker and the Parenthetical Revolution
Margaret O'Malley discusses her Deal or No Deal fanfic and the 'mathematicians' who haunt her comments. The group explores the use of parentheses to disclose secrets or character ages within text.
"Mathematicians hate to see her coming."
"Parentheses are my best friend."
The Grand Finale: A Multiverse Popcorn Story
The panelists collaborate on a final 'popcorn' style story that teleports them from the studio to Hogwarts, then to the Cosby Show brownstone, ending with them all sharing the body of a 90-year-old worm.
"The worm ninety exact birthday happened right that moment"
"We share one body"