Giancarlo
The 'ultimate fill-in' for the parade who recently underwent surgery to sound less like an old New York guy.
Highlight Bits & Quotes
20Bartholomew and the Hector Berry Tales
Viv Tracy adopts a high-society persona named Bartholomew, critiquing the Canterbury Tales as derivative 'Hector Berry Tales' while Stizz shares a creepy photo of a random child at a park.
"Who thinkkest the fridge is emptier than thine mind, dear boy?"
"More like the Hector Berry Tales that's derivative of earlier works."
"Who wants to see the photo of a child I took at the park?"
The Rockettes' Meditation and Stizz's Specimen Request
Giancarlo plays a recording of his time with the Rockettes, which involves foot massages, 'meditating on the left,' and Stizz aggressively asking Giancarlo for a biological specimen in a cup.
"Meditation time on the left."
"Squeeze a little stuff in a cup. Let me have it. Let me leave with it."
"I'm just kind of asking for a little bit of a an example specimen."
The SKIMS Sleigh and Nike Tap Shoes
The panel discusses the SKIMS float featuring a merkin-clad Trevor and Pink tied to a pole, followed by the announcement that Nike is now producing tap shoes based on a single internet comment.
"I have to wear the new merkin thing. I'm in the new merkin."
"Nike is making tap shoes now."
"One grain of salt can tip the scales."
The Boner Phone and the Male Loneliness Epidemic
Giancarlo calls his co-workers, Briler and Snailer, who are in the middle of a surveillance shift at Palantir. They discuss straight best men, Fashion Nova brand deals, and finding community as men.
"Yo, you reached the boner phone. What the hell is up?"
"It just means a lot to me to find community as a man these days."
"I'm doing a brand deal with Fashion Nova men."
Rapid Fire Float Section
The hosts descend into a chaotic list of increasingly bizarre Thanksgiving floats, featuring everything from a Blackfish hoax float to Adele singing only the middle harmony of Amazing Grace.
"It is the Blackfish was a hoax float, paid for by none other than SeaWorld and the good guys at OpenAI."
"Adele will be singing Amazing Grace, but only the middle part harmony."
"Zachary Levi on the Ozempic float singing Proud to be an American."
The Santa and Mrs. Claus Finale
Trevor and Viv convince Giancarlo and Stizz to take on the roles of Santa and Mrs. Claus for the parade finale, despite Stizz's impending labor and Giancarlo's commitment to the Labubu balloon.
"Would you do us the honor of being Santa and Mrs. Claus on the final Thanksgiving parade float?"
"I still get to hold the Labubu balloon, right?"
"Oh shit, I think I'm giving birth!"
Stizz's Strength and Steroid-Fueled Pregnancy
Stizz, the strongest woman in parade history, reveals she is pregnant despite being on heavy steroids. She explains she 'inseminated herself' using an 'example sample' from Giancarlo.
"I anchor the floats and I anchor the balloons."
"I inseminated myself."
The Milk Section and the Ballet Draft
The parade organizers discuss the 'Milk Section' featuring an Oatly float where Addison Rae sings 'Oat Holy Night'. They reveal that the ballet dancers were drafted via a literal nationwide birthday lottery.
"Addison Rae singing Oat Holy Night on her big old Oatly float."
"You've been drafted to America. Macy's America."
Giancarlo's Accidental Poisoning Program
Giancarlo defends himself against rumors that he is poisoning stand-ins to steal their jobs, claiming he is simply a bad cook with an iron stomach who accidentally doses his guests with diseases.
"I'm not poisoning stand-ins. No, I'm inviting them to my house for food. I'm just bad at making food."
"So you are also dosing diseases?"
Stizz's Revenge Baby and the Example Sample
Stizz reveals she is pregnant with a 'revenge baby' because her ex, Toy, is also having one. It is revealed that Trevor provided an 'example sample' of sperm that may have been used for both pregnancies.
"I'm having this baby because Toy said that she was going to have a baby and I said, 'Let's revenge baby.'"
"I might have given a little bit of the sample over to Toy."
The Rockettes Video Game Department
Soup pitches a series of mobile games featuring the Rockettes, including 'Frogger with Heels' and a Tetris clone that was accidentally rebranded by TikTok as 'The Scissoring Game'.
"It's Frogger with heels."
"The lesbians on TikTok found it and they call it the scissoring game and ever since then we can't sell ads."
The Roblox Parade Experience
The organizers announce a digital version of the parade in Roblox, featuring a motion-captured Tate McRae (played by Giancarlo) dancing on a ketchup balloon and a collaboration between Role Model and Plankton.
"I motion captured for the first time in Roblox history."
"His Sally is going to be Plankton."
The Macy's Creative Team Spills the Tea
The creative team behind the 99th annual parade introduces themselves and discusses their 'Thursday Tea Time' Slack tradition, which involves mundane gossip about a coworker named Ricardo and his lunch choices.
"Fish is a day one food. Fish is an on the day food, right? It's not really a leftover food."
Giancarlo's Voice Euthening Surgery
Giancarlo discusses his role as a 'filler' and his recent voice surgery that removed his old New York accent, though the effects are rapidly wearing off during the interview.
"I know you got kind of a voice euthaning surgery. You used to kind of sound like an old New York guy."
The 101 Strangler and Fun Guy
Giancarlo reveals that his father is a famous serial killer known as the '101 Strangler,' though his father insists on adding 'and Fun Guy' to the title.
"He was the 101 strangler and fun guy."
Stizz's Sentient Houseboat and the Tandem Bicycle Heartbreak
Stizz reveals her houseboat is dating a Jean Smart float and has broken the heart of Soup's tandem bicycle. The group discusses the boat's single-energy Instagram stories and its frequent sightings at wine bars.
"Your houseboat broke my bicycle's heart."
"My houseboat wasn't ready to try a thruple yet."
"I saw your houseboat on Hinge yesterday."
The AI Parade: Uploading Bobby and the Chat GPT Float
The organizers explain that Bobby is being uploaded into an AI program as a reward. They introduce a Chat GPT float that built itself but currently lacks the ability to move, requiring round-the-clock development.
"Bobby is transitioning to becoming an AI program."
"We asked it to build itself and it's almost there."
"What it can't really do is move."
Giancarlo's Men's Meeting Audio Leak
Stizz and Soup play a leaked audio recording from Giancarlo's 'men's meetings,' revealing the attendees' crude and bizarre requests for AI technology involving robots and girlfriends.
"I can't wait to make this robot learn how to suck my dick right."
"I sent the email to a retirement home and a bunch of old men showed up."
"They were hungry and opinionated."
The 'Wet Christmas' Mystery and Unionization Threats
The hosts reveal the parade's theme is 'Wet Christmas,' inspired by Knives Out. As the show ends, the women suggest forming their own parade, prompting the men to aggressively shut down any talk of unionizing.
"The mystery is clues that reveal the theme which is wet Christmas."
"Whenever they get a whiff of unionization, don't do that."
"Sometimes I think you two are bad at your job."
The Ever-Changing Corporate Communication Apps
The team discusses their absurd internal communication tools including 'ScheduleFly', 'HotSchedules', 'LooseRope', and the discontinued 'FrySlay'.
"Every week it's a new app to a way."
"LooseRope. It's like Slack."
Episode Appearances (5)
- #Bonus episode An AOAOAOA Thanksgiving Marathon2025-11-27Episode Breakdown
- #203 The 4th Annual Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade Episode (with Kimia Behpoornia)2025-11-20Episode Breakdown
- #155 The 3rd Annual Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade Episode (featuring Dropout's Kimia Behpoornia)2024-11-21Episode Breakdown
- #106 2nd Annual Macy's Thanksgiving Parade Episode (ft. Kimia Behpoornia)2023-11-16Episode Breakdown
- #68 Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade Team *(w/ Kimia Behpoornia)2022-11-16Episode Breakdown