Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade Team *(w/ Kimia Behpoornia)
Cast & Characters (5)
Bits & Timeline (13)
The Thanksgiving vs. Christmas Semantic War
The panel immediately descends into a heated argument over whether the parade is a Thanksgiving or Christmas event, forcing Giancarlo to apologize for his 'Christmas' comparison.
"Please don't call it Christmas. I know Santa's at the end of it but it is Thanksgiving."
"It seems like he's admitted that he's wrong so we can move forward."
Stizz: The Steroid-Enhanced Rope Holder
Stizz reveals her 32-year career holding parade balloon ropes, admitting she uses steroids to single-handedly manage the SpongeBob float and prevent it from throwing her.
"That was before I started taking the roids you know what I mean."
"SpongeBob looked like he furrowed his brow this year because you were holding the ropes so tight."
Soup Senette: The Veteran Rockette of Two Years
Soup Senette introduces herself as the longest-serving Rockette currently on the team, despite only being there for two years, implying a high turnover rate due to 'the heat'.
"I've been a Rockette for two full years and the longest one on the team at the moment."
"I'm really excited to just speak on behalf of the legs."
Giancarlo the Human Filler
Giancarlo explains his role as a 'filler' who replaces missing performers, including the time he performed the entirety of Dear Evan Hansen alone and was used as a human Garfield balloon.
"They filled the clothing I was already wearing with balloons and helium, painted me orange and just stuck me through a balloon."
"I tied the string just to my pinky and walked around and it was terrifying."
The Dental Floss Float Disaster
The team discusses a failed Colgate-sponsored dental floss float that featured Boyz II Men singing 'End of the Road' while mechanical dentures clapped uncontrollably.
"When you put the floss in between your teeth you can't let go because you got to use the floss."
"It ended up being the Preparation H float which was weird for us but it worked out."
The #Doofy Social Media Spin
The parade directors discuss how they tried to spin Soup Senette's embarrassing fall and accidental toy gun discharge into a viral internet irony moment using the hashtag #Doofy.
"The Macy's day parade tweeted doofy moment."
"The gun was made out of gingerbread so I don't understand why people are making this like a guns rights thing."
The Snoopy Float Breakup Lore
Stizz reveals the high-stakes world of float-mances and the messy breakup with a partner named Toy that led to a 6,000-pound tension disaster during the 2015 parade.
"Nobody handled and tamed Snoopy the way you did."
Giancarlo's Dear Evan Hansen Audition
Giancarlo, who claims to only work at a motorcycle shop, performs a bizarrely inaccurate but passionate rendition of a song from Dear Evan Hansen despite never having seen the musical.
"I have a cast and it's signed by a dead kid."
"I was guessing a lot at what the plot was."
The Return to Thanksgiving Basics
The directors announce this year's theme is 'Thanksgiving,' which somehow involves an Archer cartoon balloon and a Chef Boyardee float featuring BTS singing 'Santa Baby.'
"The theme of this year's Thanksgiving Day Parade is Thanksgiving."
"It's BTS singing Santa Baby."
The Shifty Santas of the Macy's Parade
Trevor and Viv discuss the logistical nightmare of hiring Santas who are all immune-compromised, shifty, and prone to taking Thanksgiving off despite it being their only working day.
"I think it's just like ten percent of us."
"The vaccine so many times it just won't go through my muscles."
"Santa Clauses are the hardest to pin down."
"It's so weird though that they're always immune compromised, all of them."
The Vyvanse Cheetah Float
The team celebrates their pharmaceutical sponsorship with the Vyvanse float, which is cheetah-themed, vibrates at a rapid pace, and features Ali & AJ singing Santa Baby.
"It's vibrating. It literally vibes."
"The good folks at Vyvanse sent us a lot of product."
"It is cheetah themed and on it there's going to be an incredible performance by Ali and AJ."
The World's Heaviest Anvil Balloon
Stizz pitches a 'selfish' idea for a balloon: a real anvil filled with the world's heaviest air, leading to a confusing scientific debate about air density and tension.
"I do think we should have an anvil, like a real anvil."
"Fill it with the heaviest air you can find, just the world's heaviest balloon."
"The lighter it gets, the heavier it will be."
Giancarlo's Musical Nausea
Giancarlo attempts to pitch a Harvest Moon float but becomes so nervous that he 'throws up' a rendition of Santa Baby, much to the confusion of the other panelists.
"Oh he threw up a song."
"I think my balloon would be 5G because it's running us all."