Kimia Behpoornia
Guest5 episodesKimia Behpoornia is an actor and comedian notable to this wiki for creating and portraying beloved AOAOAOA character Stizz in every Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade panel. As of writing, Kimia has appeared in the most AoAoAoA episodes of any guest.
Characters
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Highlight Bits
20Bartholomew and the Hector Berry Tales
Viv Tracy adopts a high-society persona named Bartholomew, critiquing the Canterbury Tales as derivative 'Hector Berry Tales' while Stizz shares a creepy photo of a random child at a park.
"Who thinkkest the fridge is emptier than thine mind, dear boy?"
"More like the Hector Berry Tales that's derivative of earlier works."
"Who wants to see the photo of a child I took at the park?"
The Rockettes' Meditation and Stizz's Specimen Request
Giancarlo plays a recording of his time with the Rockettes, which involves foot massages, 'meditating on the left,' and Stizz aggressively asking Giancarlo for a biological specimen in a cup.
"Meditation time on the left."
"Squeeze a little stuff in a cup. Let me have it. Let me leave with it."
"I'm just kind of asking for a little bit of a an example specimen."
The Boner Phone and the Male Loneliness Epidemic
Giancarlo calls his co-workers, Briler and Snailer, who are in the middle of a surveillance shift at Palantir. They discuss straight best men, Fashion Nova brand deals, and finding community as men.
"Yo, you reached the boner phone. What the hell is up?"
"It just means a lot to me to find community as a man these days."
"I'm doing a brand deal with Fashion Nova men."
Rapid Fire Float Section
The hosts descend into a chaotic list of increasingly bizarre Thanksgiving floats, featuring everything from a Blackfish hoax float to Adele singing only the middle harmony of Amazing Grace.
"It is the Blackfish was a hoax float, paid for by none other than SeaWorld and the good guys at OpenAI."
"Adele will be singing Amazing Grace, but only the middle part harmony."
"Zachary Levi on the Ozempic float singing Proud to be an American."
The Santa and Mrs. Claus Finale
Trevor and Viv convince Giancarlo and Stizz to take on the roles of Santa and Mrs. Claus for the parade finale, despite Stizz's impending labor and Giancarlo's commitment to the Labubu balloon.
"Would you do us the honor of being Santa and Mrs. Claus on the final Thanksgiving parade float?"
"I still get to hold the Labubu balloon, right?"
"Oh shit, I think I'm giving birth!"
Stizz's Strength and Steroid-Fueled Pregnancy
Stizz, the strongest woman in parade history, reveals she is pregnant despite being on heavy steroids. She explains she 'inseminated herself' using an 'example sample' from Giancarlo.
"I anchor the floats and I anchor the balloons."
"I inseminated myself."
The Milk Section and the Ballet Draft
The parade organizers discuss the 'Milk Section' featuring an Oatly float where Addison Rae sings 'Oat Holy Night'. They reveal that the ballet dancers were drafted via a literal nationwide birthday lottery.
"Addison Rae singing Oat Holy Night on her big old Oatly float."
"You've been drafted to America. Macy's America."
Stizz's Revenge Baby and the Example Sample
Stizz reveals she is pregnant with a 'revenge baby' because her ex, Toy, is also having one. It is revealed that Trevor provided an 'example sample' of sperm that may have been used for both pregnancies.
"I'm having this baby because Toy said that she was going to have a baby and I said, 'Let's revenge baby.'"
"I might have given a little bit of the sample over to Toy."
The Macy's Creative Team Spills the Tea
The creative team behind the 99th annual parade introduces themselves and discusses their 'Thursday Tea Time' Slack tradition, which involves mundane gossip about a coworker named Ricardo and his lunch choices.
"Fish is a day one food. Fish is an on the day food, right? It's not really a leftover food."
Stizz's Sentient Houseboat and the Tandem Bicycle Heartbreak
Stizz reveals her houseboat is dating a Jean Smart float and has broken the heart of Soup's tandem bicycle. The group discusses the boat's single-energy Instagram stories and its frequent sightings at wine bars.
"Your houseboat broke my bicycle's heart."
"My houseboat wasn't ready to try a thruple yet."
"I saw your houseboat on Hinge yesterday."
The AI Parade: Uploading Bobby and the Chat GPT Float
The organizers explain that Bobby is being uploaded into an AI program as a reward. They introduce a Chat GPT float that built itself but currently lacks the ability to move, requiring round-the-clock development.
"Bobby is transitioning to becoming an AI program."
"We asked it to build itself and it's almost there."
"What it can't really do is move."
Giancarlo's Men's Meeting Audio Leak
Stizz and Soup play a leaked audio recording from Giancarlo's 'men's meetings,' revealing the attendees' crude and bizarre requests for AI technology involving robots and girlfriends.
"I can't wait to make this robot learn how to suck my dick right."
"I sent the email to a retirement home and a bunch of old men showed up."
"They were hungry and opinionated."
The 'Wet Christmas' Mystery and Unionization Threats
The hosts reveal the parade's theme is 'Wet Christmas,' inspired by Knives Out. As the show ends, the women suggest forming their own parade, prompting the men to aggressively shut down any talk of unionizing.
"The mystery is clues that reveal the theme which is wet Christmas."
"Whenever they get a whiff of unionization, don't do that."
"Sometimes I think you two are bad at your job."
The Public Dropbox Balloon Disaster
Viv and Trevor pitch a Dropbox balloon where the public can upload any file via QR code. Stizz points out the obvious flaw: the balloon will inevitably be filled with pictures of male genitalia.
"Doesn't that just feel like you guys are going to have a balloon full of dicks?"
"If it's a Word document, you can't put a dick in there. There's no way."
Minnie Mouse's Budget-Friendly Makeover
Stizz reveals that the 'new' Minnie Mouse balloon is actually just the old Mickey Mouse balloon with polka dots painted on and a bow attached to save money for Stizz's exorbitant appearance fee.
"They were just kind of doctoring it and painting it like Minnie's polka dots and then putting a bow on it."
"If you squint your eyes and if you look at this balloon, you will notice that it is Minnie Mouse."
The Masculinity Salon Leaked Audio
Giancarlo discusses his 'Boys Dinner' masculinity salon, which is immediately undermined by leaked audio of the attendees complaining about restraining orders and the lack of food in the fridge.
"It's just a bunch of guys having dinner, no phones, no alcohol, just talking about ideas."
"Every guy get out of my fridge! I thought this was going to be a fun thing!"
Stizz's Practical Verizon Satellite Ad
Stizz describes her high-budget Verizon commercial where she used parade balloon ropes to practically lasso a satellite from space and pull it down to Earth.
"I could lasso the satellite and then I yanked it down yanked it down held it by one string and I go can you hear me now"
The Rockette Wardrobe Malfunction Incident
Soup Senette defends her reputation after a viral 'wardrobe malfunction' involving a Planet Fitness float, Brian Tyree Henry, and the band Imagine Dragons being knocked over.
"The dress got sucked up into the wheel of the Planet Fitness float it caused Brian Tyree Henry to trip and knock all of Imagine Dragons off onto the ground."
The Goodyear Blimp Car and Blackpink
The Goodyear blimp will land and turn into a car for the first time. Stizz is tasked with dressing as a member of Blackpink to help pull the balloon down because the actual singers are too weak.
"The Goodyear blimp is going to land and it's going to have wheels and it's going to turn into a car."
"You have asked me to dress up as a member of Blackpink and help them pull that balloon down because they are weak and I am strong."
"He keeps on calling me his black rose."
"His agreement was that he could claim one."
Mr. Beast's Celsius-Injected Turkey Challenge
Stizz reveals details about a Mr. Beast Thanksgiving tournament where contestants must chase 15 turkeys that have been injected with Celsius energy drink. The winner receives the state of Delaware.
"Mr. Beast has gathered around 15 turkeys and has injected Celsius into all of them."
"You haven't lived till you've seen a turkey run around injected with Celsius."
"What the winner of the turkey challenge wins, it's Delaware."