The 4th Annual Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade Episode (with Kimia Behpoornia)
Cast & Characters (5)
Bits & Timeline (18)
The Macy's Creative Team Spills the Tea
The creative team behind the 99th annual parade introduces themselves and discusses their 'Thursday Tea Time' Slack tradition, which involves mundane gossip about a coworker named Ricardo and his lunch choices.
"Fish is a day one food. Fish is an on the day food, right? It's not really a leftover food."
Stizz's Strength and Steroid-Fueled Pregnancy
Stizz, the strongest woman in parade history, reveals she is pregnant despite being on heavy steroids. She explains she 'inseminated herself' using an 'example sample' from Giancarlo.
"I anchor the floats and I anchor the balloons."
"I inseminated myself."
Giancarlo's Voice Euthening Surgery
Giancarlo discusses his role as a 'filler' and his recent voice surgery that removed his old New York accent, though the effects are rapidly wearing off during the interview.
"I know you got kind of a voice euthaning surgery. You used to kind of sound like an old New York guy."
Soup Senette's Sobriety and Pfizer Soda
Former Rockette Soup Senette details her recovery from CBD gummies and ketamine, introducing her new health drink: 'Pfizer Soda,' which consists of Pfizer vaccine, Dr. Pepper, and warm water.
"Every morning I drink what I call my Pfizer soda."
"It's whooping cough."
The 101 Strangler and Fun Guy
Giancarlo reveals that his father is a famous serial killer known as the '101 Strangler,' though his father insists on adding 'and Fun Guy' to the title.
"He was the 101 strangler and fun guy."
The Milk Section and the Ballet Draft
The parade organizers discuss the 'Milk Section' featuring an Oatly float where Addison Rae sings 'Oat Holy Night'. They reveal that the ballet dancers were drafted via a literal nationwide birthday lottery.
"Addison Rae singing Oat Holy Night on her big old Oatly float."
"You've been drafted to America. Macy's America."
Giancarlo's Accidental Poisoning Program
Giancarlo defends himself against rumors that he is poisoning stand-ins to steal their jobs, claiming he is simply a bad cook with an iron stomach who accidentally doses his guests with diseases.
"I'm not poisoning stand-ins. No, I'm inviting them to my house for food. I'm just bad at making food."
"So you are also dosing diseases?"
PooPourri Bag of Water and Haley Bieber's Butt Dials
The team discusses a new product from Haley Bieber: a bag of water called PooPourri. They describe her erratic communication style, which consists mostly of three-minute accidental butt dials followed by intense creative direction.
"Haley Bieber told us that this is what she's doing, and it's called PooPourri, so we're doing it."
"Every sentence with Haley is a new sentence."
Stizz's Revenge Baby and the Example Sample
Stizz reveals she is pregnant with a 'revenge baby' because her ex, Toy, is also having one. It is revealed that Trevor provided an 'example sample' of sperm that may have been used for both pregnancies.
"I'm having this baby because Toy said that she was going to have a baby and I said, 'Let's revenge baby.'"
"I might have given a little bit of the sample over to Toy."
The Rockettes Video Game Department
Soup pitches a series of mobile games featuring the Rockettes, including 'Frogger with Heels' and a Tetris clone that was accidentally rebranded by TikTok as 'The Scissoring Game'.
"It's Frogger with heels."
"The lesbians on TikTok found it and they call it the scissoring game and ever since then we can't sell ads."
The Roblox Parade Experience
The organizers announce a digital version of the parade in Roblox, featuring a motion-captured Tate McRae (played by Giancarlo) dancing on a ketchup balloon and a collaboration between Role Model and Plankton.
"I motion captured for the first time in Roblox history."
"His Sally is going to be Plankton."
Bartholomew and the Hector Berry Tales
Viv Tracy adopts a high-society persona named Bartholomew, critiquing the Canterbury Tales as derivative 'Hector Berry Tales' while Stizz shares a creepy photo of a random child at a park.
"Who thinkkest the fridge is emptier than thine mind, dear boy?"
"More like the Hector Berry Tales that's derivative of earlier works."
"Who wants to see the photo of a child I took at the park?"
The Rockettes' Meditation and Stizz's Specimen Request
Giancarlo plays a recording of his time with the Rockettes, which involves foot massages, 'meditating on the left,' and Stizz aggressively asking Giancarlo for a biological specimen in a cup.
"Meditation time on the left."
"Squeeze a little stuff in a cup. Let me have it. Let me leave with it."
"I'm just kind of asking for a little bit of a an example specimen."
The Lindsey Graham Santa Claus Negotiation
Soup Senette explains the complex political trade required to book the Macy's Santa, revealing that after rejecting Walton Goggins and Michael Caine, they settled on Lindsey Graham as the 'middle' ground.
"It is Senator Lindsey Graham."
"We said Walton Goggins and they said Steve Bannon."
"The exact middle between John Goodman and Lindsey Graham."
The SKIMS Sleigh and Nike Tap Shoes
The panel discusses the SKIMS float featuring a merkin-clad Trevor and Pink tied to a pole, followed by the announcement that Nike is now producing tap shoes based on a single internet comment.
"I have to wear the new merkin thing. I'm in the new merkin."
"Nike is making tap shoes now."
"One grain of salt can tip the scales."
The Boner Phone and the Male Loneliness Epidemic
Giancarlo calls his co-workers, Briler and Snailer, who are in the middle of a surveillance shift at Palantir. They discuss straight best men, Fashion Nova brand deals, and finding community as men.
"Yo, you reached the boner phone. What the hell is up?"
"It just means a lot to me to find community as a man these days."
"I'm doing a brand deal with Fashion Nova men."
Rapid Fire Float Section
The hosts descend into a chaotic list of increasingly bizarre Thanksgiving floats, featuring everything from a Blackfish hoax float to Adele singing only the middle harmony of Amazing Grace.
"It is the Blackfish was a hoax float, paid for by none other than SeaWorld and the good guys at OpenAI."
"Adele will be singing Amazing Grace, but only the middle part harmony."
"Zachary Levi on the Ozempic float singing Proud to be an American."
The Santa and Mrs. Claus Finale
Trevor and Viv convince Giancarlo and Stizz to take on the roles of Santa and Mrs. Claus for the parade finale, despite Stizz's impending labor and Giancarlo's commitment to the Labubu balloon.
"Would you do us the honor of being Santa and Mrs. Claus on the final Thanksgiving parade float?"
"I still get to hold the Labubu balloon, right?"
"Oh shit, I think I'm giving birth!"