The Dark Side of Bird Outreach and Disney Reductions
Marilyn discusses her failed prison outreach program where birds learned to scream profanities instead of saving souls, leading to a disastrous Disney film gig where they couldn't remember their lines.
"One time I had to train a cow to milk another cow."
"Morally, how does that work?"
"A couple of my birds learned the phrase kill bitch kill and then they had to go work on a Disney film moments later"
"They could not remember Polly want a cracker, all they wanted to say was kill bitch kill"
The panel of Hollywood animal wranglers introduces themselves, ranging from bird specialists to a snake expert who found his calling by picking up random snakes after college.
"I'm Marilyn Jones, and I am a bird trainer for Tinseltown."
"My name is Nigel Eclaire, and I focus primarily on snakes."
The panel vents about being snubbed by the Lion King remake, revealing industry secrets like dressing up Great Danes as hyenas to avoid paying for fast-running lions.
"I think you're bringing up a topic that we should talk about, and that is the Lion King, and we were all snubbed"
"A lot of animals who they can't get to run fast, they get a dog and they dress it up"
Ian discusses his tumultuous relationship with a river otter named Veronica who only performed if he humiliated himself, and who eventually joined the union to work on Riverdale.
"The only way I could get her to do things is if I humiliated myself in front of everyone else."
"She's the actually only animal I've ever trained that has gone union."
Nigel begins shedding his skin at the table, which Patty reveals is actually the result of using 100 packets of 'Baby Foot' exfoliant in the studio trash can.
Ian Household explains the financial hardship of his aquatic animals, noting that his killer whale is union-eligible but simply isn't booking enough gigs to pay the dues.
