Improvised Roundtables, Ep. 59: "CLOCKIT" - New Streaming Service First Look
Cast & Characters (4)
Bits & Timeline (13)
The Executives of CLOCKIT Roll Call
The executives of the new smartwatch-only streaming service CLOCKIT introduce themselves, revealing their bizarre titles and the legal restrictions regarding their use of the phrase 'Tick Tock'.
"I'm Goofin, I'm one of the producers and one of the head marketing CEOs for the new app Clockit."
"Legally we can't keep saying Tick Tock. Tick Tock is an app."
"I birthed this in a little place we call the UK."
The Laughing Boys' Failed Hardware Experiments
The team discusses their previous failed attempts at niche streaming, including services exclusively for microwaves, grills, and human eyeballs, which failed due to 'lack of technology'.
"We tried to do a streaming service that was only viewable on your microwave."
"Surfboredom kills a hundred thousand surfers a year."
The Clockit Content Slate and 'Clockit Link'
The executives pitch their original programming, including Adam Sandler's 'Sand It Down' and 'Paper Borders', and demonstrate the 'Clockit Link' which involves slamming watches together.
"I slam my watch onto her watch and all of a sudden, I'm watching it too."
"We doubled our Adderall prescriptions. It was amazing."
NASA-Level Time-Telling Technology
Toot explains that viewers can ask any character on screen what time it is, requiring actors like Chance the Rapper to film millions of takes stating every possible minute of the day.
"You can ask any single character on the screen what time it is and they will tell you."
"We shot maybe four or five weeks of him saying every single minute of every single hour."
The Streaming Wars: Twix and Crab
The executives reminisce about their time at other platforms, including the Twix chocolate streaming room and Gigglin's 'Crab' reboot of Downton Abbey that Netflix allegedly stole.
"I was the town dunce at Netflix."
"We rebooted it as Crab on Clockit."
Sleep Mode and the NyQuil Crew
The panel discusses 'Sleep Mode' for the watch, featuring Harry Styles reading lullabies and Jeremy Irons reading the time out of order. They reveal a third production unit that films scenes while the actors are on heavy doses of NyQuil.
"Jeremy Irons reading of 7:23 a.m. changed the game for me."
"The sleep crew where that was when the actors would do the exact same scene but on lots of NyQuil."
Compass Mode and Idaho Culture
Chortle introduces 'Compass Mode,' where character emotions change based on the direction the viewer walks. This leads to a tangent about Idaho culture, where Christmas lasts six months and Santa visits every night.
"North is always happy and west is always sad."
"In Idaho we say howdy doody it's Christmas again."
The Grand Weekend and Dame Judi Dench's Mouth
The team pitches 'Grand Weekend,' a global event where every watch emits a high-pitched alert sound made by Dame Judi Dench to promote her new show. They struggle with the logistics of time zones and Australian scheduling.
"Imagine amber alerts going off everywhere for a full scripted content except it's Judi Dench's new show."
"She's making the sound with her mouth."
The Menstruation Sync and Mr. Met
The panel reveals that the watch is synced to a 28-day cycle to force every woman in the world to ovulate at the same time. This is facilitated by a show where the Mr. Met mascot explains menstruation to young girls.
"Mr. Met talks menstruation. It's about women's bodies."
"Every woman in the world ovulates at the same time."
The Paper Mailing List and 48-Hour Conversation
The hosts emphasize that they have no social media presence, only a paper mailing list, and invite listeners to join a 'big conversation' that will last 48 hours.
"We don't have a Twitter, we don't have a Facebook, we only have an email."
"Get on our mailing list. That is our paper mailing list."
"The hashtag is how do I grand this weekend."
Financial Ruin and NFT Debt
The panelists share their disastrous financial statuses, ranging from billions lost to massive credit card debt and owing millions in NFTs to chimpanzees.
"I used to have 48 billion dollars and now I have 12 grand."
"I have 320,000 dollars in credit card debt."
"I used to have 1.6 million dollars in NFTs but now I owe 4 million dollars in NFTs."
Phase Two: The Messiah and Scream-Based Crypto
The group pivots to 'Phase Two' of Grand Weekend, involving the launch of a Messiah and a new cryptocurrency measured in screams that deafens the poor.
"We're planning on launching a Messiah."
"It's the only cryptocurrency that is measured in screams."
"If you're rich, everyone around you is deaf."
Michelle Obama's Seven-Pixel Poem
Chortle describes the finale of Grand Weekend: a tiny, poorly-mic'd Michelle Obama reciting a Rumi poem about time on a smartwatch.
"On the watch she just looks tiny. She's about seven pixels."
"Time. It's of the essence. Time. It's what you're running out of."
"Are you here God? It's me, Time."