Eurovision Superstars (with Paul F. Tompkins)
Cast & Characters (5)
Bits & Timeline (16)
Eurovision Superstars Roll Call
The panel introduces themselves as various Eurovision hopefuls and managers, including a Scottish representative for the UK and a manager who was fired by Jedward right before their success.
"They went on X Factor right after dropping me as their manager."
"I in Eurovision am repping the country, the Vatican City."
The Vatican's Silly Janitor
Slimy Boy reveals his day job as a janitor at the Vatican City who was voted into Eurovision by a committee of fellow cleaning people because the Pope winks on Halloween.
"I just became like ambient noise."
"You have to be voted on by a lot of cleaning people."
Norway's Token Halloween Act
Spooky Haunts explains how she beat out a vampire and a goblin to become Norway's official spooky representative, despite the panel's confusion over whether Norway is actually creepy.
"I am the chosen token Halloween act in Eurovision this year."
"I for one am pulling Halloween candy out of unexpected places all over the stage."
The Threat of the Evil Song
Daori Freud threatens to release an 'evil song' that will ruin the world if his message of positivity isn't accepted, describing a villainous character with a twirly mustache.
"I'm going to release one evil song that will ruin the world."
"More details means more evil in the world."
Liam Brady's Conjoined Triplets
Liam Brady pitches his new act, Matartan, a group of triplets where two are conjoined and one is 'just along for the crack,' and performs their song about faith and hope.
"Two of them are conjoined and one's just along for the crack."
"Mark only got two letters. Everyone else got three."
Macedonian Sound Design and Susan Boyle Rivalries
Daori Freud explains how his song was ruined by a Macedonian sound designer who demanded context. Spooky Haunts reveals she beat out Susan Boyle for her UK spot, leading to a discussion about Mickey Madison.
"I beat out Susan Boyle."
Halloween's Identity Crisis and HelloFresh Vocal Stems
Spooky Haunts struggles to remember her stage name, settling on 'Halloween'. The group discovers that 'HelloFresh' is her subconscious keyword to trigger her Norwegian accent, leading to accidental ad reads.
"HelloFresh was her keyword to Norwegian."
"I heard HelloFresh is the vocal stem."
The Spooky Goblin's Lament and Visual Management
Spooky Haunts performs a song about a goblin falling in love, which involves tossing Snickers into the crowd. Liam Brady explains his 'Visual Management' style, which involves high hair gel and French tucks.
"I suggest cubes for a lot of things."
"If you're going to be on that stage, you better have a French tuck."
The Vatican Janitor's Doodle Boop Song
Slimy Boy performs his entry for Vatican City, a 'doodle boop' song he sings while mopping the Sistine Chapel. The group questions the safety of mopping Michelangelo's paintings with just water.
"It's become a little bit of a religious hymn."
"Is it good to mop the ceilings of the Vatican City?"
Rick Rindondi's Positivity and the 90-Degree Foot
Rick Rindondi performs a high-energy song about positivity while contorting his foot into a disturbing 90-degree angle. He reveals that an EMT has to check his heart rate after every performance.
"I've never seen a foot at such a 90-degree angle before."
"Your heart is going so fast it should be illegal."
The Threat of the Evil Song on Cash App
Rick Rindondi threatens to release an 'Evil Song' that will ruin the world if he doesn't win Eurovision. He plans to distribute it via YouTube, Vevo (Evil Vivo), and Cash App.
"This song is so evil it will rise to the surface and ruin the world."
"I don't want to send music on Cash App."
"I am in Norway jail because I just keep getting parking tickets so I can get in there."
"It's like a very like higgy jail, right?"
Halloween Industry Trends and PR Girlies
Spooky Haunts describes her rigorous research into goblin news and her coordination with candy company 'PR girlies' who occasionally need to be put back on their leashes.
"I check in with the candy company's PR girls to see if they're going to unleash any new candies."
"The PR girls are off the leash. Run!"
Irish Jazz and the 6 AM Matinee
Liam Brady discusses scouting talent in Ireland, specifically Irish Jazz and Hip-Hop, and his dedication to seeing the movie 'Kneecap' at a 9 AM matinee designed for the elderly.
"There's so much Irish jazz. There's so much Irish country."
"They run a matinee at 9:00 a.m. for the old ones, you know."
The ABBA Hologram Deception
Liam Brady recounts the psychological trauma of realizing that the 'real' ABBA members who come out at the end of their hologram show are actually just more holograms.
"A couple months later you realize they were holograms, too."
"You feel stupider than you've ever felt in your life."
Swallowing Rings for Security
Liam Brady explains his unique method of protecting his valuables by keeping his rings in his mouth and occasionally swallowing them, which has banned him from air travel.
"I keep my rings in my mouth. Of course, you shouldn't keep your rings on."
"That's why I always travel by boat."
The Vatican Activity Center Bulletin Board
Slimy Boy describes the Vatican's 'Activity Center,' which is revealed to be just a bulletin board next to a bathroom, managed by a man forced into celibacy for the role.
"Next to the bathroom is a bulletin board. And that's the activity center."
"He has no sex with his wife cuz he handles the bulletin board."