On The Road with Ryan Murphy's Production Interns
Cast & Characters (4)
Bits & Timeline (13)
Introduction to Ryan Murphy's Production Interns
The hosts introduce the episode's theme: a day in the life of interns working for Ryan Murphy Productions, tasked with completing an endless to-do list for very little pay.
"Who are the interns that are helping to put those shows together for a lot less money and a lot less work?"
The 'Leave No Trace' Gas Station Mission
The interns attempt to refuel the production car while adhering to the strict rule of 'Leave No Trace,' meaning they must leave the exact amount of gas that was in the tank originally.
"Rule number one of being an intern is leave no trace. Don't be seen."
"We have to leave the exact amount of gas that was in when we left so that it was like we were never here."
The 12-Year Intern and the Office Romance
Jen reveals she has been an intern for 12 years while the group gossips about a potential crush between Sugar and Derek, despite Ryan Murphy's strict 'no dating' policy.
"I've been working here for 12 years as an intern."
"Ryan's particular about people dating in the office. He doesn't allow it."
The Rainbow Sour Belt Crisis
Derek brings rainbow sour belts into the car, causing a panic among the other interns who are on diets and terrified of leaving sugar traces in the production vehicle.
"It's almost virtually impossible to not let the sugar fall."
HelloFresh Sponsor Break
The interns break character briefly to deliver a high-energy advertisement for HelloFresh, claiming it saved their relationships and fuels their artistic endeavors.
"HelloFresh literally saved my relationship."
"The best thing about being an artist is sometimes you have to eat."
The Roommate Reveal and the Sour Belt Incident
Jen and Sugar reveal they are roommates who hate each other, while Derek causes chaos by getting sour belt candy on the recording equipment.
"I seriously thought you guys were married."
"There's actually sour belt on the Zoom."
"He's so fucking dirty."
Ben's Return and the Couch Quest
Ben returns with lunch, and the group immediately tries to get rid of him by sending him on a fake errand to find a couch at a Mexican restaurant.
"Ryan said he wants a couch but we can't get that here."
The Five Ways to Say OK
Jen explains the nuanced, terrifying ways production bosses use the word 'OK' to communicate varying levels of professional failure.
"OK period might as well stab me in the fucking throat."
"That's how I got fired from Survivor."
Cindy Lou Murphy's Back Enema
Sugar has to leave the car to administer a 'back enema' to Ryan Murphy's Great Dane, Cindy Lou Murphy, because the Doggy Daycare isn't trusted.
"I have to go give her enema through her back."
"Daycare shouldn't be doing shots."
The Intern Free Table and Ryan Murphy's Seven-Minute Coffee Rule
The interns discuss the perks of the office free table, including discarded insulin and Ozempic, before detailing Ryan Murphy's insane coffee requirements and his violent reaction to foam.
"Sugar grabbed that dog and like kissed it on the mouth."
"We're going to have to go to Staples too to get staples for your face."
"Somebody put out their insulin the other day."
"He's a grown man drinking milk."
Acting as a Dog for Dog Rates
Ben reveals he recently shot a commercial where he was hired at 'dog rates' and treated like a canine on set, leading to a discussion about the rising costs of Actors Access.
"I just shot a non-union commercial as a dog."
"They hired me with dog rates."
"Sometimes it felt a little condescending but sometimes it felt just right."
Kissing Ryan Murphy's Big Beautiful Wife
The interns receive a terrifying order to kiss Ryan Murphy's 'legal' wife, a 6'4" powerhouse who physically assaults Derek and throws him through a window.
"Ryan said give my beautiful wife a kiss."
"Legally he has to have a big beautiful wife because she has something on him."
"Does she always hurl you across the bathroom and throw you out a window after?"
The Great Burbank Chase
The interns are chased through Burbank by Ryan Murphy's wife, who is sprinting at 35mph and flipping cars, leading to a total breakdown of the production run.
"She is running 35! Speed it up, Derek!"
"I can't, we're in Burbank, I can't go more than 25!"
"She just threw that car over!"