We All Played Popes (with Carl Tart)
Cast & Characters (5)
Bits & Timeline (15)
The Pope Roundtable Introduction
The hosts introduce a panel of actors who have all played popes in various bizarre projects, ranging from cottagecore indie films to high-octane sports trilogies.
"Whether you're talking about morality, corruption, or just a god dang good guy in a hat, Pope movies bring the fun."
The Cozy Pope and Male Loneliness
John Peters describes her film 'The Cozy Pope', a cottagecore retreat movie where the Pope is actually a supporting character to Cardinal John, exploring the male loneliness epidemic.
"If there is one lonely male, it is the Pope. If there are no lonely males, the Pope is dead."
The Air Pope Trilogy
Leslie Woman'sname breaks down his 'Air Pope' franchise, where a pilot Pope joins the IBGA (International Basketball Galactic Association) and eventually transitions to football in the sequel 'Pigskin'.
"I can't be a basketball player. I'm a pilot and a Pope!"
"Ain't nothing in the rules that says a pilot Pope can't fly basketball."
Heated Papacy and Doxxing Dogs
Anthony Cost d'Organ discusses his graphic HBO series about a romance between the Pope and the Devil, which led to his bull mastiffs being doxxed and banned from Petco.
"They doxed my dogs. They have pictures of my big dogs online."
"The Pope becomes a furry."
Mermaid High School's Pope Principal
Pauper Dinglehop explains her role as the oblivious Pope principal in 'Mermaid High School', a Catholic school where he fails to realize all the students are mermaids despite the show's title.
"Girl, go use the bathroom and go back to class!"
"Why are you soaking wet? I'm sick of these teenagers and their stuff."
Pope Popo and the Jamaican Patois Nun
Glenn Boss Jr. discusses his detective procedural 'Pope Popo' featuring Kate Winslet as a nun using a Jamaican patois accent. They compare the gritty, choppy editing style to a Jason Bourne movie or a tornado.
"I am of course Pope Popo. I'm the cop pope."
"Jamaican patois for this role is insane."
"It's like watching a movie from inside a tornado."
The Big Book of Pope and the Pasta-Soup Cycle
John Peters shares research from 'The Big Book of Pope', revealing a historical cycle where Popes alternated between eating pasta and soup for centuries due to God's command or evil microbes.
"The first seven popes all ate pasta. All of them."
"Around the 1700s they moved to soup for 200 years."
"The pasta was tinted with a sort of evil microbe."
Leg Lengthening for Basketball Authenticity
Leslie Woman'sname describes getting leg-lengthening surgery in Turkey to play a basketball Pope, only to have to reverse it because he couldn't fit in the cockpit to play a pilot in the same film.
"To make the basketball authentic, I got the leg lengthening surgery."
"You cannot fly a plane at 6'9"."
"I blew out 19 vocal cords, which I didn't know I had."
The Reese's Peanut Butter Intellectual Property Dispute
Leslie Woman'sname claims he invented bottled Reese's peanut butter by manually scooping it out of cups because he hates chocolate, accusing the company of corporate espionage.
"I invented it first. Bring it to court."
"I was cutting the tops off, scooping the peanut butter out, jarring it."
"You can't take the patty out of a Big Mac and say, 'I'm selling cheeseburger patties.'"
Air Pope: The Intergalactic Trilogy on Earth
The panel discusses the 'Air Pope' trilogy, which is technically set in space because Earth is in space, though the Airbus A380 used in the film can never actually break the atmosphere.
"Technically all of our movies are in space they're just on earth."
"The thing about Air Pope is that it can never break through the atmosphere."
"The Boeing 777 is an inferior project than an Airbus A380."
The Male Loneliness Pandemic
The panel discusses the 'male loneliness epidemic' as if it were a COVID-style pandemic, complete with vaccines (a kiss from a girl), grocery washing, and GameStop masking protocols.
"Is the vaccine a kiss from a girl?"
"Wash your groceries. There's male loneliness on them."
"If you test positive for male loneliness, you are forced to not isolate."
Cozy Pope 2: Too Cozy to Pray
Glenn Boss Jr. pitches his sequel, a gripping story about a Pope staying in an Airbnb, listening to free-form jazz, and featuring a 'hot nun' played by Sydney Sweeney.
"Cozy Pope 2: Too Cozy to Pray."
"My goal is to smile as much as possible and listen to as much free form jazz as I can."
"It's played by none other than Sydney Sweeney."
The Pope Hat Discount and Porto's vs. Pussmate
The actors discuss using their Pope costumes to get discounts at Porto's Bakery, leading into an extended riff on food delivery apps rebranded with 'Puss' prefixes.
"Did you guys ever use the hat to get discounts at Porto's?"
"I hate when the puss is all wet."
"I'm ordering off Insta Puss."
Big Mama's Vatican 7: The Ozempic Era
Leslie Woman'sname describes the convoluted plot of his upcoming film where he plays a cop undercover as 'Big Mama' at the Vatican, who then takes Ozempic and becomes 'Skinny Mama'.
"I had to go undercover as a woman who lives at the Vatican in a big fat suit."
Big Mama's Vatican 7: The Ozempic Era (Part 2)
Leslie Woman'sname describes the convoluted plot of his upcoming film where he plays a cop undercover as 'Big Mama' at the Vatican, who then takes Ozempic and becomes 'Skinny Mama'.
"She takes Ozempic, so is now Skinny Mama."
"She slips out of the handcuffs because she's so skinny."