Ego Nwodim
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12The Philosophy of Beating Students Down
The coaches discuss their pedagogical methods, which primarily involve emotional judgment and cutting students down to size to prepare them for the harsh reality of commercial acting.
"I beat them down to eventually build them up if i so choose... sometimes i just beat them down."
"Move back home to Des Moines."
The Daisy Method and Tricky's Shoe Store Studio
Delilah Daisy introduces his method and book, while Tricky Pahaul explains that he teaches in the back of an active shoe store because he is too afraid to 'slate' his own name.
"It's a shoe store that sells old shoes and i run an acting class right in the back room."
"I've always got the acting stuff, never gotten the slate down."
Denise Null's 'Bite and Like' Workshop
Denise Null explains her $10,000 workshop for child actors and clarifies that her last name is actually 'Null-Bullshit'. Esther Soggybottom reveals she is from Mozambique.
"Every kid commercial actor in the world who is successful has taken my bite and like workshop."
"My full name that i say is Denise Null-Bullshit."
The Multi-Layered Paywall Website
Esther Soggybottom describes her predatory website that charges $275 just to view the landing page and gives users a virus that is asymptomatic for three days.
"The domain is behind the paywall."
"You're asymptomatic on the website and you don't know your shit."
The Podcast is a Federal Deposition
The coaches realize the recording is actually a legal deposition for the Library of Congress. Tricky admits to being under indictment for tax evasion involving payments in old shoes.
"This is also a deposition, so careful."
"All my students were venmoing me old shoes."
"Try putting them in small shoes. Shoes that don't fit them correctly."
"Soil it with your own fecal matter then put it in the trash."
Barry Fig's Afternoon Transformation
Barry Fig explains how he transitioned from a church youth pastor to an acting coach in a single afternoon, noting that the afternoon is the shortest part of the day.
"The morning you were a youth pastor and in the afternoon you were an acting coach?"
"Anybody could change within a small afternoon."
The Soggybottom Website Gauntlet
Esther describes her $1300 paywalled website where students must click blank sections thousands of times to find a hidden button and answer philosophical questions about 'copy'.
"That page is just blank and you have to click around to try to figure out what's going on."
"Am I married to copy? Maybe marriage is a construct."
The Polite Interruption Loop
Tricky Pahaul and Esther Soggybottom enter an infinite loop of aggressive politeness, repeatedly apologizing and insisting the other speak first, preventing any actual information from being shared.
"You have to book a U-Haul if you win."
"No please, I apologize, please."
"I really want to dial into this method."
"I'm zipping my lips up."
The Gender of Yogurt
Barry Fig insists that yogurt is a woman because it is 'silky smooth,' leading to a heated debate about the gender of specific brands like Activia and Danimals.
"Yogurt's a woman... cause she's silky smooth baby."
The Soggybottom Docuseries Scandal
The group confronts Esther about various documentaries exposing her fraudulent acting school, including a Fyre Fest-style situation and a website that just redirected to GoDaddy.
"I think they know your face from that damning HBO docuseries."
"I will suck your dick if you don't press charges."
"I was desperate, I was really embarrassed."
Final Evaluations and the Secret Phone Call
Esther gives her final, mostly insulting evaluations to the other coaches while being caught on a secret phone call with a mysterious, loud character she claims is her 'auntie.'
"I think you should close up shop and just sell those shoes."
"I want to go to your church."
"That was not your auntie."
"I'm related to an agent by marriage."
Esther's Succinct (and Endless) Summary
Esther attempts to give 'succinct' advice that turns into a 4-minute recursive loop of asking oneself 'Do I really want this?' and transcribing Quora forums.
"Ask yourself: Do I really want this?"
"I love Flow, favorite student."
"Copy's drunk and we say, 'Copy wants to come over?'"