Tim Baltz
Guest1 episodeCharacters
1
Highlight Bits
12Introducing Seal Team Sex: A Musical for Straight Men
The panel introduces their groundbreaking Broadway production designed specifically for straight men, featuring 'man bursts', Red Bull towers, and a rejection of traditional 'jazz hands' in favor of 'jazz fists'.
"I think instead of jazz hands, we should do jazz fists."
"We call that a man burst. I bursted our energy."
"Seal Team Sex: it's a music for men by men."
Sponsorship-First Creative Process
The creators explain how the musical was funded and written by prioritizing sponsors like Dude Wipes, Dr. Squatch, and Doritos, leading to creative input from snack food executives regarding 'reprizes'.
"The money came first, the ideas came later."
"The Doritos guys had so many good ideas for repraises."
"What if you went with the sponsors first, idea second?"
The Broadway Halftime Show
The panel describes replacing the traditional intermission with a sports-style halftime featuring old women playing basketball, unicycle plate balancing, and a crowd chant parodying 'Who Let the Dogs Out'.
"First Broadway musical with no intermission but a halftime."
"We get the crowd chanting who ate my ass out instead of who let the dogs out."
No Nut November Training Camp
Gunther Belch describes the grueling six-week training camp that overlapped with No Nut November, requiring him to keep his hands in ice water to maintain focus and discipline.
"I kept my hands in ice water and anytime I touched myself I was like it's too cold."
"You kept your hands so cold you couldn't masturbate?"
Raphael's Vision for a 'Sigma' Musical
Raphael explains his inspiration for creating a musical for 'his guys' after visiting Times Square. The group discusses the 'Sigma' energy of the show and the challenge of thinking about infinity while high.
"Raphael's the Sigma. Yeah, he is."
"I challenge you to sit and think about the actual idea of infinity because it is."
"Don't smoke weed before."
Gunther Belch's Dildo Empire and Theater Cushion Arbitrage
Gunther Belch describes his character's arc from aimless military man to CEO of a Palm Beach dildo store. He also reveals his real-life side hustle: selling used, punctured theater cushions wholesale.
"He saw a hole in the market."
"I am selling all the used cushions from the theater once we use them and they get kind of holes in them."
"It's needle and thread, which I'm literally taking from this seamstress every day."
Opening Number: 'Flush (Do Not Go In There)'
The cast performs the opening number of the musical, a high-energy track about soldiers who would rather have sex in Palm Beach than go to war, featuring the recurring warning 'Do Not Go In There.'
"Seal team sex."
"I don't want to go to war. I just want to have sex."
"I thought we were picking up guns, not condoms."
The Feelings Catcher Villain Song
The group discusses the antagonist's song, 'Caught Your Feelings,' performed by a fictionalized Broadway legend. The song features a monster with 'Babadook arms' who kidnaps feelings for women.
"He's got these really long Babadook arms that slowly graze the..."
"It's not a marlin at the end of this rod. It's a boy, a boy named Todd."
The Discovery of Non-Violent Male Hobbies
The group discusses the shocking revelation that men are allowed to participate in art and dance without it being for 'beefing' purposes. Jevin Cockbath invites the group to a fruit-drawing institute.
"I'm learning fruit next week at this institute."
"I looked at a flower once and I didn't think about trying to turn it into some sort of alcohol infusion."
"When I'm not getting horny or angry, I feel kind of like staple."
The Xbox Controller Ballet
The writers describe a poignant scene in their musical where soldiers share a hotel room, make eye contact during sex, and eventually find emotional connection through Call of Duty headsets.
"They meet in the only place they can talk online through headsets while playing Call of Duty."
"A two-player game is a better game."
Halftime at the Fart Cannon
A chaotic musical sequence featuring halftime entertainment including a fart cannon, Dorito cannons, and a silver-haired dancer, culminating in a prayer-like anthem to masculinity.
"Fifty thousand dollars to whoever stands in front of the fart cannon."
"Hail Mary, full of double D's. The Lord is with thee."
"This show was sponsored by the United States Military."
The Celebrity Guest Roll Call
The cast lists an increasingly absurd roster of celebrities and brands who supposedly attended the show, ranging from JD Vance and Michelle Obama to Scrub Daddy and the original Dr. Pepper.
"Kelly Clarkson, when's your bath water coming out?"
"Thank you to the original Dr. Pepper for stopping by."
"Mia Hamm, Mia Hamm, thank you for coming with Nomar. That was sick."
"All the museum reps from the La Brea Tar Pits, thank you for stopping by."