80 Year-Old Actresses That Made A Movie Together ("Women Of A Certain Age")
Cast & Characters (4)
Bits & Timeline (14)
The Press Tour Toast and the 'Poison' of Botox
The cast of 'Women of a Certain Age' celebrates the end of their press tour with a toast. The conversation quickly devolves into accusations of being 'blasted' on Sudafed and the hypocrisy of swearing off 'poison' while using Botox.
"I get to see you old bitches again!"
"I swore off the stuff because it's nothing but poison."
"I see there's some dart frog poison in your eyebrows, darling."
Betty Silver's Pathological Lying and Liz's Nearsightedness
Betty Silver introduces herself as a silent film star from 1894, establishing her 'thing' as being a pathological liar. Liz Foley counters by establishing her own comedic 'thing': being extremely nearsighted.
"My name is Betty Silver. I have been an actress since 1894."
"I don't know where to look anymore because I'm nearsighted."
"I'm gonna talk about being nearsighted in a way that's unexpected and still amusing."
Lily Wetland's Academy Award Bathroom Scandal
Lily Wetland discusses her career resurgence after being 'hated for 30 years' due to an offhand comment about her Oscar looking good in her bathroom. She reveals she has since glued a non-functional toilet to her wall as a trophy case.
"This is gonna look good in my bathroom. The men didn't like that I said that."
"It is in a toilet, but it's in a toilet I don't use that I've glued to the wall."
Nancy Meyers' 'Mrs. Doubtfire' Style Multi-Lunch
The actresses recall how director Nancy Meyers cast them all by holding simultaneous lunches at different tables in the same restaurant, running between them like a scene from Mrs. Doubtfire.
"She was Mrs. Doubtfiring all of us!"
"She had the same meeting with us at the same time."
The Old Age Joke Quota
The actresses discuss their contractually obligated quota of jokes about being old and check in with their 21-year-old publicist, Antoinette, to see if they've hit the required 10,000 jokes for the press tour.
"Have we hit our contractually obligated number of jokes about being old per press tour event?"
"Antoinette, have we hit the jokes about being old yet?"
Translucent Sex and Pacific Palisades Real Estate
The group discusses the 'irony' of old people having sex, which they describe as 'translucent' and 'matured,' before pivoting to a detailed breakdown of their numerous homes in the Pacific Palisades.
"The sex we're having is honestly translucent."
"I just have 15 homes in the Pacific Palisades."
"That's what it's like to fuck an 80-year-old."
The Wacko Soap Plant Romance
Lily Wetland reveals her long-term relationship with the owner of Wacko Soap Plant, leading to a discussion about marrying oneself and the logistical nightmare of costume changes during self-vow renewals.
"I was boyfriend and girlfriend with the owner of Wacko Soap Plant."
"I legally got married to myself in the UK about five years ago."
"I thought the transitions were very, very sloppy and I thought it took too long."
The Pharmacist and the Tums Wildcard
Liz Foley's pharmacist, Sarah, arrives on set to deliver Tums and nasal strips. The actresses treat her with dismissive celebrity entitlement while debating if Tums can cure a cold.
"Sarah, go get Tums and the nose strips."
"That's a wildcard to keep her on her toes."
"I'm gonna say Tums are not gonna help your cold."
Las Vegas Riders and Tuscan Villas
The actresses detail their extravagant movie riders, including renting out entire hotels and building full-scale Tuscan villages on the Las Vegas strip, which Betty Silver eventually burned down to spite corporate interests.
"They had to build me a realistic sort of Tuscan villa."
"I heard that the Venetian bought that villa after you left and you lit it on fire."
"I didn't want another corporate interest taking something from the common man."
Cradle Robbing with Colin Firth and Idris Elba
The actresses brag about their famous love interests in the film, describing actors like Colin Firth and Idris Elba as 'babies' and 'cradle robbers' because they are decades younger than the leading ladies.
"He's playing a cradle robber because he's about 30 years younger than you, darling."
"I got to feel the sloppy wet kiss of Idris Elba and it was gorgeous."
"We called them 'the babies' on set."
Pranking Idris Elba and Colin Firth
The actresses reminisce about playing 1950s-style pranks on their younger co-stars, including whoopee cushions and sabotaging Colin Firth's car with the help of the art department.
"We called them the babies on set."
"When we made the wheels fall off of Colin Firth's car, that was fun."
"It was really funny to watch an 81-year-old woman try to pants someone."
The Cirque du Soleil Confusion
The plot of the movie is revealed to involve the elderly women being mistaken for an avant-garde performance art group in Las Vegas due to their wacky hats and tight face skin.
"Liz's face skin is so tight the Blue Man Group used her as a drum."
"We get confused for performance art and so we get kind of shipped into the wild world of Vegas nightlife."
Estate Sale Rivalries
The actresses trade barbs about who will die first and attend the other's estate sale, leading to a callback about Liz Foley's blindness.
"You'll never see my estate sale because I'm going to yours first."
"You'll never see your estate sale either because you can't see!"
You're a Woman of a Certain Age
The panel descends into a rhythmic, repetitive chant declaring everyone a 'woman of a certain age,' including the Blue Man Group.
"And you're a woman of a certain age!"
"I'm a woman of a certain age and so is the Blue Man Group."